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"Orly Taitz" agreed to be worst name for anyone appearing on national TV
Popular humorous mispronunciations of the name include "Whirly Tits," "Whorely Tats," and "Poorly Taste."
Office of Over-used Plot Studies (OOPS) Report: No More Vampires
The OOPS released a report stating: "After New Moon, True Blood, Cirque du Freak, and Vampire Diaries, nothing new can ever again be written or said about vampires. For the love of god, just stop."
Lord of the single ladies
The Tolkien Estate sued Beyonce yesterday, claiming they own the original rights to the concept of "putting a ring on it."
The ultimate showdown
Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford to face off in Spike's first ever "Most Badass Old Dude Competition."
Death of a sales pitch
Kellogg released their new Blueberry Muffin Caramel Chocolate Brownie Swirl Pop-Tarts today, in a continued effort to make their product taste like everything except Pop-Tarts.
Struggling author hits rock bottom
William Hurt, 22, committed suicide Sunday after finding himself writing fanfiction for his own books in an effort to try to get someone to read them.
Man's halftime marriage proposal based on references to "Oregon Trail"
Ella Whitmore, 27, was stunned and dismayed to watch the words: "You are the ox that pulls the wagon of my heart. Let's ford the river of love together!" appear on the Jumbotron on Sunday.
Racism "totally gone," insists GOP
Members of the GOP reported that racism no longer exists in America. "No racists here or anywhere," they note. "Except Obama. Totally racist."
Truth in politics
RNC chairman Michael Steele unveiled his new re-branding effort for the Grand Old Party. "From now on, we'll just call ourselves the 'Old Party,'" he said, in order to accurately reflect reality.
Researchers give up
A recent study by researchers at Harvard University found a statistically significant correlation between publishing the results of their hard work and no one giving a damn.
"PC" Means "Politically Correct"
After another disastrous press conference, Obama is beginning to regret his decision to choose the PC guy from the Mac-PC ads as his press secretary.
Law of diminishing returns validated again
Studies indicate vast majority of all stories published on The Spoof poorly written, not funny.
Rogue football theorist postulates existence of "Dollar and 25-cents" formations
Kevin Francis, football theorist at Yale University, recently published a paper titled "Beyond the Dollar," in which he postulated defensive formations with two, one, or no linemen at all.
Recent grad believes he is moving to "the ghetto part of town"
Gerald Rawley, 21, has announced to his friends he is moving into an apartment in "the ghetto," an assertion based solely on the presence of a 7-11 across the street. Sources say his ass is glass.
Cat chooses least opportune moment to crap
Skittles, 3, after waiting patiently for many hours, chose to make her bowel movement precisely when her owner happened to be nearby, causing much dismay and anguish.
Game caught cheating again
John Simmons, 8, threw his PS3 controller on the floor, declaring: "It won't let me win! It made me die again!" The PS3, which is an inanimate, unfeeling object, was unavailable for comment.
Man convinced foreclosure good for the neighborhood
Mark Rein, 32, insists that the dozens of abandoned homes will somehow improve life in the area. "It's so much quieter now!" he said. Currently 60% of the homes have been converted to meth labs.
Temporary worker goes temporal at office
6 people were killed in a workplace shooting today after Joshua Newbur, an interim employee at the office, opened fire with a semiautomatic rifle.
Reggie Bush sues EA for libel
Reginald Alfred Bush III recently sued EA Sports for $6 million, because "my rating in that game should be 99 or better, 999." EA reps did not comment on the lawsuit, but did snicker.
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