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Showing snippets written by Mark Mywords.


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Lady Gaga Totally Hot

She is reported to have arranged to have her air con fixed later this afternoon.

written by Mark Mywords, 12 September 2009
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Wrestler Jeff Hardy Accused Of Being In Possession Of Several Kilo's Of Hard Drugs

He says he was only giving Kerry Katona a lift home

written by Mark Mywords, 12 September 2009
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'Posh' Dons Boots And Stockings For Photo Shoot

Her excited husband said that when she's got the shorts and shirt on, she'll be ready for a kickabout in the park, with jumpers for goalposts.

written by Mark Mywords, 12 September 2009
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'Posh' Looks Hot In Boots

The staff at the Oldham branch of the chemists promised to turn the heating down whilst she was selecting her haemorrhoid cream.

written by Mark Mywords, 12 September 2009
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Mel B: "I'm A Fan Of 'Posh' Clothes

The Spice Girls' singer said she enjoyed dressing up, as long as it wasn't in anything made by that vacuous, talentless bint, Victoria Beckham

written by Mark Mywords, 12 September 2009
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Sugababe Keisha Says "I'm No Bully"

She slams and hits out at her critics, before threatening to twat them hard in the face with her fist if they don't give her their lunch money.

written by Mark Mywords, 12 September 2009
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Semanya Caster Hangs Up Spikes For A Career In Acting

The South African runner has indicated she already has a bit part she is hoping to pull off with aplomb.

written by Mark Mywords, 12 September 2009
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Lily Allen Sent Beauty Kit By England Cricket Team To Say 'Thanks'

The kit contained Kevin Pietersen's bat, and an offer by all eleven players to hit her repeatedly in the face with it until her looks improve.

written by Mark Mywords, 12 September 2009
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Katie Price Begged Peter To Take Her Back

She said Alex Reid was too busy shagging her at the moment to offer Pete her front too.

written by Mark Mywords, 12 September 2009
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Capello Bans WAGS From World Cup

Reports from The Wiggles say Wags doesn't give a shit, as he hates football.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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Mystery Of Mayor of Exeter's Numberplate Cleared Up

The registration 1 CFJ on the Mayor's ostentatious limousine was today revealed as standing for 'One Cosy Fucking Job'

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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KFC Cleared By Court In 'Boneless Box' Litigation

The judge ripped up the box, and found it contained no bones; it was all cardboard. Rather like the contents.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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Samantha Cameron asks Sarah Brown: "Got Any Fashion Tips For Me?"

Sarah Brown hands her a Primark bag and tells her to put it over her head. She said it always works for her!

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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"I Can Never Play The Drums Again" Says Phil Collins

Newsflash Phil: You never COULD!

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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A Sack of Baking Potatoes Moves Unaided

It was later confirmed that it was only Natalie Cassidy in a lycra outfit.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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Victoria Beckham Brings Delight to New York

She gets on a plane out of JFK heading for Kazakhstan!

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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Guy Ritchie Enjoys 41st Birthday Bash As Only HE Knows How

Ex-Mr Madonna bashes waiter, sets fire to a lot of wax sticks, then picks up knife and thrusts it numerous times into birthday cake. The film is to be released next Friday.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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Kidnap Fears For 'Sugababe' Amelle

Drama ended peacefully when kidnappers agreed to accept a packet of Custard Creams and a promise that the tuneless slapper never makes another record.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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Flintshire Council Canteen Workers Bring Legal Proceedings Against Pudding

"We told it that if it continued to be a dick, we'd suet!"

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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Male Porn Stars To Be Punished For Delaying Orgasms

In future, say 'Max Head Productions', this kind of behaviour will result in their limousine getting clamped.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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New Internet Craze Sparks Jihad

Latest internet craze causes holy war, as men walk up to Muslim women wearing full burqa and tell them they have the sexiest eyes they have ever seen.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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Farmer Angry As Fox Gets Into Livestock Pen

"It get's my f**king goat," he said.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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Clairvoyant 'Mystic Meg' In Sex Drama

"I didn't see it coming", said Meg.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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Self-flagellating Catholic Priest Goes Off The Rails

He decides to give God a rest and go on the lash.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
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