Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Mark Mywords.Show all snippets.
Lady Gaga Totally Hot
She is reported to have arranged to have her air con fixed later this afternoon.
Wrestler Jeff Hardy Accused Of Being In Possession Of Several Kilo's Of Hard Drugs
He says he was only giving Kerry Katona a lift home
'Posh' Dons Boots And Stockings For Photo Shoot
Her excited husband said that when she's got the shorts and shirt on, she'll be ready for a kickabout in the park, with jumpers for goalposts.
'Posh' Looks Hot In Boots
The staff at the Oldham branch of the chemists promised to turn the heating down whilst she was selecting her haemorrhoid cream.
Mel B: "I'm A Fan Of 'Posh' Clothes
The Spice Girls' singer said she enjoyed dressing up, as long as it wasn't in anything made by that vacuous, talentless bint, Victoria Beckham
Sugababe Keisha Says "I'm No Bully"
She slams and hits out at her critics, before threatening to twat them hard in the face with her fist if they don't give her their lunch money.
Semanya Caster Hangs Up Spikes For A Career In Acting
The South African runner has indicated she already has a bit part she is hoping to pull off with aplomb.
Lily Allen Sent Beauty Kit By England Cricket Team To Say 'Thanks'
The kit contained Kevin Pietersen's bat, and an offer by all eleven players to hit her repeatedly in the face with it until her looks improve.
Katie Price Begged Peter To Take Her Back
She said Alex Reid was too busy shagging her at the moment to offer Pete her front too.
Capello Bans WAGS From World Cup
Reports from The Wiggles say Wags doesn't give a shit, as he hates football.
Mystery Of Mayor of Exeter's Numberplate Cleared Up
The registration 1 CFJ on the Mayor's ostentatious limousine was today revealed as standing for 'One Cosy Fucking Job'
KFC Cleared By Court In 'Boneless Box' Litigation
The judge ripped up the box, and found it contained no bones; it was all cardboard. Rather like the contents.
Samantha Cameron asks Sarah Brown: "Got Any Fashion Tips For Me?"
Sarah Brown hands her a Primark bag and tells her to put it over her head. She said it always works for her!
"I Can Never Play The Drums Again" Says Phil Collins
Newsflash Phil: You never COULD!
A Sack of Baking Potatoes Moves Unaided
It was later confirmed that it was only Natalie Cassidy in a lycra outfit.
Victoria Beckham Brings Delight to New York
She gets on a plane out of JFK heading for Kazakhstan!
Guy Ritchie Enjoys 41st Birthday Bash As Only HE Knows How
Ex-Mr Madonna bashes waiter, sets fire to a lot of wax sticks, then picks up knife and thrusts it numerous times into birthday cake. The film is to be released next Friday.
Kidnap Fears For 'Sugababe' Amelle
Drama ended peacefully when kidnappers agreed to accept a packet of Custard Creams and a promise that the tuneless slapper never makes another record.
Flintshire Council Canteen Workers Bring Legal Proceedings Against Pudding
"We told it that if it continued to be a dick, we'd suet!"
Male Porn Stars To Be Punished For Delaying Orgasms
In future, say 'Max Head Productions', this kind of behaviour will result in their limousine getting clamped.
New Internet Craze Sparks Jihad
Latest internet craze causes holy war, as men walk up to Muslim women wearing full burqa and tell them they have the sexiest eyes they have ever seen.
Farmer Angry As Fox Gets Into Livestock Pen
"It get's my f**king goat," he said.
Clairvoyant 'Mystic Meg' In Sex Drama
"I didn't see it coming", said Meg.
Self-flagellating Catholic Priest Goes Off The Rails
He decides to give God a rest and go on the lash.