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NBA Referee Arrested for Public Indedency
Witnesses spotted the referee blowing his whistle multiple times. Referee claims it's part of his job. Police say the referee may also face prostitution charges.
Man Arrested for Killing Time
Suspect says he's done it thousands of times. Challenges police to keep him from doing it again.
Cloned Jefferson Writes New Declaration!
But doesn't know how to work a Xerox. Has never seen light bulb nevermind a photocopier. Looked for the power button for an hour, jammed the machine twice then gave up.
Founding Fathers Cloned!
Finally, an end to all our problems.
New Gun Invented!
Has muzzle on both ends of barrel.
Second Amendment Repealed!
US citizens will be allowed to keep and carry bear arms. Authorities report a spike in the number of armless bears since the amendment passed.
Man Invents New Vinyl Siding!
The new siding is made from diamonds. The inventor says it will last "double forever" - whatever that means.
Tickle Me Elmo Shocker!
He's not really ticklish but says he likes it when kids "touch me."
New Awards Show!
The new show will honor the best of award shows.
Fortress of Solitude Destroyed!
Superman's sanctuary is the latest victim of global warming. The Fortress of Solitude was swamped by rising sea levels. Superman made it out alive, however he doesn't have insurance.
People Don't Like Being Stabbed
A new survey finds that most Americans don't like being stabbed. An overwhelming 97% responded negatively to the idea.
Police Looking for Killer Tornado
Officers tried to handcuff the twister but it got away. Police also looking for a tornado that allegedly sexually assaulted a woman.
People in Hell Don't Want Ice Water!
Regular water makes more sense. Point out ice would melt too quickly thus negating the entire point of ice.
ESPN to Run SportsCenter Twenty Four Hours a Day
In order words, no change in programming.
Man Starts World War III
He says he did it for a Klondike Bar.
New Reality Show Announced!
"Watching with the Stars" will premiere this fall on ABC. The show will follow stars as they watch "Dancing with the Stars."
Google Not Original Name
The ubiquitous search engine was originally called "website that allows you to look things up." Creators then switched to "lksjdfoabnlasdfajodsj," but figured that sounded too silly.
Man Pays for Internet Porn
is ridiculed by friends.
Police Believe Shotgun Killed by Handgun
Police have arrested a handgun in connection with the death of a shotgun. Police are not certain of a motive.
FOX News Looking Into Twenty Five Hour News Cycle!
Thinks the twenty four hour cycle is a conspiracy by the liberal media.
How Much Does A S**T Ton Way?
Scientists say a very smelly two thousands pounds.
Peeping Tom Looking In Your Window!
Seriously. Look behind you!
English Nerds Rate Sex With Punctuation!
An exclamation point is considered excellent, a period just okay and a question mark terrible. Colons are considered down right nasty.
New Facebook Feature Revealed!
You can read about it on my Facebook page.
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