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Brits into Fascist tactics like censorship

So, you Brits are into the whole Fascist thing with censorship, too, hmm? Don't you have history books?
Lexington? Concord? Still bitter because America has the better fighters?

written by Daniel Bristol, 06 April 2010
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Al Qaeda using explosive tits.

MI5 has revealed that Al Qaeda is now using explosive tits to bring down airplanes. The new weapons are being referred to as KABOOBS.

written by Daniel Bristol, 24 March 2010
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Chuck Norris creates Kentucky Fried Chicken

Chuck Norris has admitted to being the original creator of the Kentucky Fried Chicken secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Norris has revealed the secret eleventh ingredient: FEAR

written by Daniel Bristol, 23 March 2010
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Chuck Norris was the Stonehenge Architect

Arcdhaeologists at sites on Salisbury Plain are now sure that Chuck Norris created Stonehenge by walking past a massive stone quarry. The giant slabs of rock all stood at attention as he walked past.

written by Daniel Bristol, 22 March 2010
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Chuck Norris Causes Massive Roundhouse Kick deaths

Scientists have discovered that, since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

written by Daniel Bristol, 22 March 2010
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Chuck Norris creates Circle of Life

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the Circle of Life.

written by Daniel Bristol, 22 March 2010
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U.S. Blamed for Earthquake

An earthquake measuring 9.5 on the Richter Scale has struck the coast of Iran. The United States has been blamed.

written by Daniel Bristol, 16 March 2010
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Child Actor Dies of Mediocrity

The entertainment failed to be shocked by the news of the death of child actor Corny Heinz, 38. Heinz, a lifetime member of the "Not Terribly Good" club was found dead of mediocrity in his home.

written by Daniel Bristol, 11 March 2010
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SuBo Sings, Prince Denies

Susan Boyle sang "Someday My Prince Will Come" at the Royal Albert Hall. Her prince sang, "Not Bloody Likely" in response.

written by Daniel Bristol, 08 March 2010
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Bolivian Volleyball Fans Killed on Roller Coaster

A group of elderly, mentally retarded senior citizen Bolivian volleyball fans were killed in a roller coaster accident just outside of La Paz Bolivia today. Apparently, they all stood up on a turn.

written by Daniel Bristol, 06 March 2010
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Quake Hits Iran: U.S. Blamed.

A magnitude 7 earthquake has hit Iran, resulting in millions of casualties and billions of dollars in property damage. The United States has been blamed, and the United Nations is expected to not act.

written by Daniel Bristol, 02 March 2010
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Toyota Unveils New Death Machine

Keeping in line with its new image, Toyota announced the unveiling of a brand new car: the 2011 I Hope You All Freakin' Die-Mobile. It's guaranteed to either blow up or not stop unless it hits a tree.

written by Daniel Bristol, 24 February 2010
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Goggle Yanks Poverty Ad

Google has decided to fire the VP in charge of Internet Ads in the wake of this week's new advertisement which reads: "Global Poverty: Try It!"

written by Daniel Bristol, 19 February 2010
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Conservative MP concludes: Obama is One Crazy Mutha!

Politicians in the United Kingdom have completed a four-month study of American President Barak Obama. A Conservative MP speaking on behalf of the House of Lords today said, "Damn! That Mutha CRAZY!"

written by Daniel Bristol, 18 February 2010
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President Obama Grounded

Washington sources close to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi have said that she blames the Obama's Lack of Cooperation for the sluggish economy. The President will therefore be grounded. No more TV.

written by Daniel Bristol, 18 February 2010
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NJ Man Goes Cukoo For Cocoa Puffs

Clyde Torkel of Bayonne, NJ, dropped his pants and ran down the street throwing handfuls of the Cocoa Puffs into the air. It took seventeen EMT's to sedate Torkel. He is now in custody.

written by Daniel Bristol, 16 February 2010
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Nancy Pelosi Full of Shit, Scientists Say

Nancy Pelosi has been discovered by Scientists at Brigham Young University to be totally full of shit. This comes after the recent discovery that Democrats are total bat-shit loons.

written by Daniel Bristol, 16 February 2010
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Scientists discover how to look smarter

In a groundbreaking new study, scientists have discovered that sitting in laboratories surrounded by science stuff making noises and flashing lights makes them look smarter

written by Daniel Bristol, 15 February 2010
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Voting Democrat Unhealthy According to Science

Researchers at A Really Impressive University have announced today that voting Democrat causes blackheads, sickle-cell anemia, high blood pressure, marathon shitting, and a craving for chitlins.

written by Daniel Bristol, 14 February 2010
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Dems Become Loony Bat-Sh*t Party . . . again

Today the Democratic Party reorganized itself as the "Loony Bat-Sh*t Party". Its first act will be to ban oxygen use, birthday clowns, and heterosexual sex, as well as to place a heavy tax on lint.

written by Daniel Bristol, 12 February 2010
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Press Secretary Gibbs in Fishnets

White House Press Secretary Gibbs donned a pair of fishnet stockings and came to his daily press briefing singing show tunes today. Reporters thrilled to his rendition of "Hello, Dolly!"

written by Daniel Bristol, 12 February 2010
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Kanye West receives head injury

Obnoxious rapper Kanye West was injured today when a basketball hit him in the face. West was rushed immediately to the hospital for X-Rays of his head. The X-Rays showed nothing.

written by Daniel Bristol, 12 February 2010
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Michael Jackson Still Dead

Legendary pop star Michael Jackson remains dead, despite rumors that he was the messiah.

written by Daniel Bristol, 10 February 2010
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There is no news.

Absolutely nothing is happening right now whatsoever. Details to follow.

written by Daniel Bristol, 10 February 2010
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