Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Ron Smith.

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Joss Stone - "Luckily in Devon black people are immediately reported to the police"

Daughter of millionaire businessman Richard Stoker, Joss Stone, whose hit includes - "I'm Not Rich, I'm From The Ghetto", has been targeted by criminals on the eve of the launch of her new album LP1.

written by Ron Smith, 16 June 2011

Frying Dutchman

Vincent Tabak, an evil looking Dutchman has been charged with the murder of Jo Yeates, whose parents own a £600,000 house. "It's definitely him & not the other weirdo", said someone on the internet.

written by Ron Smith, 24 January 2011

Elton John Throws Baby Out Of Pram - For Good!

After only a few days of fatherhood, Elton John has thrown away his new baby Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John & bought himself a new hat. "I'll probably get bored of the hat soon as well", he joked.

written by Ron Smith, 18 January 2011

Yesterday's Sports Headlines

England are on course for a historic Ashes victory against Australia.

written by Ron Smith, 25 November 2010

Irish Bad Debt Gamble Fails Again

Hopes of saving the Irish economy failed today when Lazy Tinker pulled up after leading the Paddy Power Handicap Chase this afternoon. "There's still Eurobillions" said Finance Minister Brian Lenihan.

written by Ron Smith, 23 November 2010

World Cup Webb

World Cup final referee & Yorkshire cop Howard Webb says that although he hasn't fired his Taser so far in the tournament, he would be prepared to use it on the Spanish. "I don't like them", he said.

written by Ron Smith, 11 July 2010

TV Job for Psychic Octopus

ITV to announce Cheryl Cole will play Paul The Psychic Octopus in forthcoming TV biop.

written by Ron Smith, 10 July 2010

Police Take Moat

Raoul Moat has killed himself in a stand-off with police. A spokesman said that Moat shot himself in the head 14 times, kicked himself a bit & punched his own lights out for wasting tax payers money.

written by Ron Smith, 10 July 2010


Prime Minister Dave Cameron is backing England to win the World Cup. "I got 8-1 at Ladbrokes & bet the entire economy on it." If England are successful the country will be a staggering £64 better off.

written by Ron Smith, 11 June 2010

'Assasinate Thatcher' Labour MP Arrested

John McDonnell has been arrested following remarks that he wanted to kill Margaret Thatcher because she 'got in his way'. The police also detained the entire GMB union conference who had applauded him

written by Ron Smith, 08 June 2010

Max Clifford Stripped Of Organ Donor Card

Trading Standards have ruled that PR guru Max Clifford broke the law and committed fraud by ticking the box offering his heart to be used for the treatment of others upon his death.

written by Ron Smith, 27 May 2010

Do You Suffer From Omnipotence?

You're the only one who does.

written by Ron Smith, 24 May 2010

Bonita Norris: First Cute Woman To Scale Mount Everest

The Observer: Bonita Norris is cute & she climbed Mount Everest & she's cute. The pointless expedition cost a fortune, but she's cute so it's on the front cover of our newspaper today. And she's cute

written by Ron Smith, 23 May 2010

Woody Stands Up For Roman

Woody Allen has defended fellow director Roman Polanski amid fresh sexual abuse claims, "It's what I would have done", he said.

written by Ron Smith, 16 May 2010

Clinton Vague On Hague

Hilary Clinton has upset many/some/no British people by laughing out loud when she met new UK Foreign Secretary William Hague to discuss the war in Afghanistan. "He looked like such a putz", she said.

written by Ron Smith, 15 May 2010

Gordon Brown resigns in "sordid" attempt to piss off Telegraph.

The Telegraph newspaper has voiced its outrage as yet again its attempts to enforce a political agenda have been derailed by someone else's.

written by Ron Smith, 11 May 2010

Gordon Brown Apologises Over Rihanna Assault

"I apologise if I did anything like that", he said.

written by Ron Smith, 03 May 2010

Tory Party All Nighter

Dave Cameron & his chums are taking a deserved night off from the campaign trail tonight & having a 24-hour Smash The Poor charity bash in aid of The Bankers Fund at Cameron's country estate Champers.

written by Ron Smith, 03 May 2010

100% Of Electorate To Vote Conservative - Daily Telegraph

An independent unbiased opinion poll conducted by the Barclay brothers - owners of The Telegraph, has the entire country voting Tory on May 6th. "That's what we're printing on May 7th", they said.

written by Ron Smith, 01 May 2010

Nick Clegg Will Welcome Aliens If Elected - The Sun/The Telegraph/The Daily Mail/The Daily Express etc...

Despite warnings from Stephen Hawking that aliens will destroy everything and take our brave boys jobs, loony liberal Clegg is planning to let them eat our children as part of his immigration policy.

written by Ron Smith, 27 April 2010

Sam Cam To Have Ethnically Diverse Quintuplets

It has been revealed.

written by Ron Smith, 23 March 2010

The Oscars: Keith 'Cheggars' Chegwin devasted after failing yet again to pick up an award from the Academy

The Naked Jungle naturist game show presenter is still reeling after being overlooked for his role as Egghead Wentworth in the 1967 CFF film - The Troublesome Double.

written by Ron Smith, 08 March 2010

Chris Brown Apologises Over Rihanna Assault

New album out this week.

written by Ron Smith, 21 July 2009

Everyone's going on about witt

Old people have become increasingly computer literate and have started up their own social networking space, Witter - where they can, "Go on a bit too long."

written by Ron Smith, 21 July 2009

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