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Prophet ***** ****** ***** *** *****
Islam's central figure, the Prophet ******** was *** and never ******* his **** without ****, according to a new book "Insulting the Prophet: Bring Chips When You Visit" by Giles Brandreth
Lock up Children - Pope to Visit
Pope Rantzen XVI will visit disadvantaged and gullible children in the UK before avoiding Ireland.
Sick Cowell Pulls Out of Talent
Talent says "thank god." Cowell wipes self on curtains.
SANTA IS DEAD
Police: Santa Yitzak Claus was found dead this morning in a Helsinki hotel room. It appears the death was by accidental strangulation. Elf being questioned. Christmas is cancelled. Geese reprieved.
Esther Rantzen In World Record Bid
Esther Rantzen failed to win the world record for eating Brussels sprouts. She is still in the running for world's most flatulent woman.
Fantom of Opera Strikes Again
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Brown Speech Impediment Hampers Message to TUC
PM's inability to say letter "N" in some words stopped him making himself understood at TUC conference. "I knew there would be a whole bunch of cuts here today" was how it came out. Whoops.
Jacko's Ghost Sighting Dismissed
Experts have dismissed a sighting claimed to be Michael Jackson's ghost on Larry King's tv show. The shade passing in the background at Neverland was "Too dark."
Kim Jong Il Saddened by US Response
The North Korean Leader is saddened that the US chose to interpret his fireworks display for July 4th as a provocative military act.
Michael Jackson "Still Dead"
Michael Jackson has not risen from the dead as his messianic persona suggested. Just a man. Just a man.
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