Showing snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Ugly yellow car causes village war in UK!
Bibury, UK, a quaint village, has become a war zone due to an ugly yellow car! The owner loves his car and called the villagers "Ugly yellow Ducklings!" His car is now drowning in the duck pond!
Bacon Butties in the US in danger of extinction!
Demand for Bacon Butties in the US has caused a near extinction of piggies! Peru offered to help by sending millions of Guinea Pigs for Bacon Butty production, but Trump is demanding 35% import tax!
Milky Boobs being controlled at European Airports!
European Airports are doing "squeeze titty controls" on women entering from the Far East without babies but with tits full of milk and a pump! Trump is demanding to control all "pussies" too!
Humpty Trumpty cracks it!
All the Queens horses and all the Queens men will have to put Humpty Trumpty together again after Brexit because nobody else will touch him and they have nobody else to glue!
Coca Cola banned in France! It causes too many Qui Qui's!
France have banned refills of sugared soft drinks because they make the French "Qui Qui" too much and their sugared "qui qui" is causing sewer rats to become obese!No more fat rats si'l vous plait!
Pink Floyd release new version of "The Wall"!
Ancient rockers Pink Floyd are about to make Trump feel "Uncomfortably Dumb" after releasing a new Mexican version of The Wall called Trumps Wall! Berliners are going "Mucho Loco!"
Bank robber Mr. Lawrence Ripple; hero or woozy?
70 year-old Kansas born Mr.Lawrence Ripple robbed a bank to escape beatings from his wife from HELL! Now is he a matcho hero or just a woozy? Depends on what side of the frying pan you are on I guess!
Theresa pulls the plug on Europe!
New Iron lady, Theresa May (no relation to Maggie), has pulled the plug on Europe and Europeans are hoping she disappears down her own plughole!
NWO! Trump & Putin jump into bed!
Trump has released his latest foreign policies and decided to target Merkel instead of attacking ISIS! He called her "an old bag!" Putin laughed and has promised solidarity to Trump in their NWO!
Portuguese Man o War v German Giant Eagle!
Manchester, 15/01 sees an apocalyptic clash of fallen red giants! Can the Portuguese Man o War repel the German Eagle swooping to reclaim a long lost crown? Red Devils v Red Pretenders, a win, win!
Rocky Trump Horror show opens in Washington!
Trump is determined to act like a seductive Tranny every time he confronts the world's press! Last night was his first performance as Rocky Trump Horror! It was a knock out success & Putin laughed too
KK robbed at gunpoint in Paris!
KK (name changed for legal reasons) was robbed of 10 kilos of her favorite jewelry in Paris! She thanked the robbers because now she feels 10 kilos lighter, and sod the money, she has enough!
Global warming threatens freezing Europe!
Another attack of global warming has descended upon Europe! In fact sitting here in Holland in my swimming trunks with a runny nose is not what they predicted!Let's hope they predict a new Ice Age!
Real life hijack becomes fantasy!
When does a real life hijack become reality? Ask Malta airport, they have all the answers...
Zsa Zsa Gabor RIP; who?
After losing yet another global diva after Prince and Lemmy, the world has lost Zsa Zsa! The only question on people's minds, who was she and what actually did she do? A question only she can answer!
Manchester United sack Mourinho!
The Special One has been sacked by Man United! Sir Alex Ferguson decided to boot him out because he fears he is better than himself and that is forbidden at Utd. Jose kicked a water bottle in anger!
Theresa May's leatherette thighs are fake!
Trousergate, the latest scandal to rock 10 Downing St. is pure plagiarism, the only real Leatherette Thighs in the world belong to Volga Olga of Erskine Quint fame!
Saudi's threaten to hack BOJO's hand off!
Britain's interests abroad have hit new heights with BOJO, who has, with superior diplomatic skills, insulted Saudi and Iran and now, if he ever holiday's in Dubai, they will hack his left hand off!
Dead ducks in Holland are not Double Dutch!
Yet again Holland leads the way in global conservationism by culling 190000 dead ducks, shipping them to Hong Hong not for eating, no, it's a brand new aphrodiziac called "Save the tiger's teeth!"
Ve only tell ze truth!
A document found by Jaggedone's Cockroach Infiltration Army written by Frau Goebbels in Berlin, 1945, proves that Adolf planted the seed that made Trump trump! Ask Josef Mengele & Dustin Hoffman!
Rooney orders gold-plated zimmerframe!
Jose Mourinho has told Wayne Rooney he is too slow and advised him to order a gold-plated zimmerframe from Amazon.Com! Most United fans would rather see Wayne sent up the Amazon!
Fatty tax on global airlines imminent!
After Samoa Airline led the way it seems that all global airlines will implement a "fatty tax" on board their planes. Ryanair support the action too! No fatty people, just fatty profits please!
Grunting, sniffing Sharapova becomes UN ambassador!
Banned ex-tennis star is the new UN ambassador for global drug-runners! Maria will assist runners to get faster and fitter and her experience as a major grunting sniffer will be invaluable!
Hurricane destroys US!
Hurricane Donald would have been too obvious! So let's call it Hillary instead and keep to tradition! Women destroy everything!
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