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van Gaal is the latest "Chosen One!"
King Louis van Gaal is to put his head under the guillotine at Man United and here is the only comment he offered:
"Boo, boo, be do!"
Man United's fans prayers have been answered proving that there is a god after all!
Everton fans die laughing, literally!
Several Everton fans collapsed and died yesterday after watching their ex-manager act like a headless baboon, very funny! Well at least they died happy, United fans await a much more horrific fate!
Robin van Persie refuses to cross the North Sea!
Man United sicknote, RVP, has refused to cross the North Sea until Moyes has been replaced by Vader Abraham and his Smurfs because even they could do a better job and do not speak double Dutch!
Everton fans declare Liverpool a Moyes free zone!
Everton fans have declared the area around Goodison Park a "Moyes Free Zone" and never want to see him back again because after 10 years of suffering, the pestilence has reached Old Trafford!
Man United fans lynch Moyes!
A group of vigilante United fans has lynched Moyes and hung his lifeless brain on the statue of Alex Ferguson as a reminder to the United board that only one good Scot is not a dead Scot!
Man United meltdown!
The US Stock Exchange has declared Man United bankrupt of ideas because they employed Moyes! Shares are dropping like dead flies circling over the "Shithole of Nightmares" called Old Trafford!
Moyes is sacked!
Man United fans have sacked Moyes with a sack full of spuds because they have more eyes in their skin than he has in his head!
Heathen Holland invaded by Germans!
the Dutch do not celebrate Good Friday, but the Germans do so on this sad day Germans invade Holland searching for Jerusalem in a Koffie Shop!
Jesus admits he did not die on Good Friday!
Through a medium, Jesus has come out of his tomb and admitted that he did not die on Good Friday, it was actually a Jewish hippie hanging on the cross, ask Brian!
Ukrainian Jews sent to Israel!
Russians are deporting Ukrainian Jews to Israel, however Israel doesn't want them, but Palestinia have offered them a home!
Rooney's broken toe is not!
Wayne Rooney admitted he had no broken toe, he just bottled in Bayern!
Double Dutch or just plain green!
The Dutch have started illuminating their streets with green neon paint hoping to attract aliens looking for Koffie Shops!
UEFA kicks Ukrainian teams out of Champions League!
Ukrainian teams will not be allowed to play Champions League next season because UEFA needs the gas to sponsor their competition and the Ukraine has none!
Russian tanks roll over Ukraine!
Putin has sent his tanks in and they are now rolling over the Ukraine, Obama asked him not too but thought, "It's a gas" and that's more important than a Ukraine without gas!
Liverpool yobs stone City snobs!
"Stone the Mancs," they screamed as Liverpool yobs attacked a bus carrying the Light Blues and not the Reds. Just goes to show how desperate life is when there's no Red Mancs left to roll over!
Camoron appoints fellow moron Moyes as deputy PM!
PM, Cameron has appointed agony aunt, David Moyes, as deputy PM, the reason he gave was; Another loser in the bush is better than 2 headless losers running in the wild!
Man United are pathetic!
After 35 seconds Bayern Munich proved that!
Arsenal are pathetic!
Say's everything actually!
Lost Malaysian plane spotted heading towards Mars!
The lost Malaysian plane was last seen being towed by a Martian UFO towards Mars. Martians are fed up sitting in round UFO's and want more comfort, thank god they missed Ryan Air!
Light on Mars is Marlsboro!
A white light spotted on Mars has been confirmed as a Martian cowboy lighting up his favourite ciggy, a Marslboro.
Mourinho calls zlatan a slut!
The Special One has insulted Zlatan by calling him a slut! Luckily Zlatan cannot play tomorrow so Mourinho is safe until Abramovic buys him to replace Torres who can't even score in a pussy!
Rooney wears Lederhosen!
Wayne Rooney has bought a pair of tight fitting lederhosen in Munich and a check shirt plus several oomp pah pah CD's from local singer, Konrad Knickerbocker, Chico dropped to his knees and prayed!
Putin invites Pope & Obama to lunch in the Crimea!
Putin has invited Obama & the Pope for lunch in the Crimea and promised to spoil them with best Beluga caviar hoping that he will be blessed by the Messiah and his rep, very fishy!
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