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Mammouth dung key to stink shun
They stunk so bad, they became extinct cause of all the stink and the mama mammoths didn't like the daddy mammoths cause they stink like dung stink. So they shun them exstinkers.
Bernanke announces top ten new ways to stimulate the economy
The number one way is to outlaw aspartame.
As old as time? Aspartame disease plagued Pharaoh's court
FDA cleared of wrongdoing as they assert that aspartame disease is actually 3700 years old.
Actors of 'Lost' and 'Prisoner' join to perform 'Lost Prisoner' on TV
The female lead wise-quacked, "I want more six".
Chinese warned against keeing US dollars
They were reminded that Federal Reserve notes are all just loans and have no cash metal value. Further, due to problems with Chinese imports, the notes have all been recalled.
IBM cat-computer goes rogue after killing a cat
Not only is the computer smarter than the cat it was tested against, the cat was killed by the cat-computer which then annoucned,
China hits US with pipes!
In a strange combination of protectionism, communism, and karate, the Chinese will hit the US with pipes. More at 7.
Obama to address unemployment with job tax
Work will the new bad, as it will be taxed and discouraged. Details in follow up report.
Scientists create strange particle - reality changes
Strange property of particles is spreading in entire Earth. History is changing. This was already reported prior to it happening here on TheSpoof.com.
Michael Jackson clones growing up in South America
They are up to no good there and further reports indicate American will soon live in fear of them.
NSA creates decoding algorithm that works on any message
The only problem is, it works even more purely random number sequences.
Scheme 'can cut extra emissions' - with explosives
You just blow up the equipment that is causing the emissions.
Obamba to rename war department 'Honor Killing' department
This is expected to increase tolerance in the military for all belief systems.
Pay cuts could drive out talent from bailed out too big to fails
The concern is that if they change companies, these bad executives could spread the cancer of toxic assets.
Obama to retire this year taking job as 'world"s most interesting man'
The pay is bettor, and he gets a gaggle of ladies to fawn over him while he drinks beer on TV.
US trade gap shockingly large in Semptember
Reason found by M.I.T. scientists: defective product returns increased.
Sugar water drinks targeted by FDA
Since aspartame is the most tested sweetener, and sugar has no test data from industry, sugar water drinks will be banned in favor of the well tested aspartame drinks.
Prison health-care costs rise as prison doctors grow older and sicker
To save costs, inmates are being trained to be doctors. But too many want to be proctologists.
Russian human-kebab diner gets complaints of 'bad meat'
But now the demand for human flesh pickled with aspartame is growing on the Russian front. Bums beware!
UMFO spotted over Denver
Unidentified Mother Flying Object? Yeah, something like that.
Aspartame Boy admits he is afraid to go viral
In a candid interview with editors at TheSpoof.com, he admitted he was in fear of becoming too well known and attracting dangerous attention: "What if Henry Kissinger reads my stuff? I'm screwed."
Aspartame Boy to fire his readers for not reading enough of his stuff
Aspartame Boy just checked, and his readers must be snoozing. So, he is going to fire them all in the morning. So, better read up now, cause you all go in the morning!
US to arm soldiers on US bases
Due to recent tragic events, soldiers are to be issued weopons on US bases so they do not need female civilians to save them. So they can actually shoot back. As trained. I think. Right?
Aspartame Boy reveals his email address
Microsoft now recalling its 800 employees just laid off to handle Aspartame Boy's personal email bag, due to the heavy email volume from his critics.
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