Showing snippets written by IainB.

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Showing page 3 (of 21 pages)

Atos Canonised

Atos, the French company tasked with assessing Britain's disabled people has been canonised, after announcing that 30,000 previously disabled people can now walk. That's a better return than Jesus.

written by IainB, 21 May 2013

History of Cross Dressing - part 1

Cross dressing in ancient times, before the invention of gender specific clothing, mainly involved shaving off the beard. This was considered a perversion by those who liked facial hair.

written by IainB, 16 May 2013

Season amalgamation

With the weather set to continue cold, the British Met Office have announced plans to merge Britain's seasons into two. "These will be called 'Winter'," said Michael Fish, "and 'Green Winter'."

written by IainB, 10 May 2013

Moyes successor named

With Moyes set to take over at United, Everton have announced his replacement, as an elderly Scot who recently announced his retirement. The fans are not happy about the appointment of Gordon Brown.

written by IainB, 10 May 2013

Horse doping scandal

British horse racing has been shocked by a massive doping scandal at the highest levels, when it was found that Godolphin horses contained traces of steroids. Ironically...made from cows.

written by IainB, 23 April 2013

Facebook 'Like' Patent broken by Prior Art

Facebook's patented Like button has had the patent broken when Prior Art was found. "Apparently, Tommy Cooper did it first," said Stephen Hawkins. "He said he 'Like that' and 'Not like that'."

written by IainB, 12 April 2013

Enrolment at dance classes are up

After the news of Margaret Thatcher's death, dance lessons have had a sudden influx of former miners.

written by IainB, 08 April 2013

Boat Race takes a frozen turn

This year's boat race between Cambridge and Oxford will go down in history as the first to be done on ice skates.

written by IainB, 30 March 2013

Ed Milliband appoints a border collie as shadow Chancellor

Ed Milliband has made Rover, a Welsh border collie, shadow chancellor. "Well," said Ed, "a border collie would figure out something isn't working in less than three years. Unlike George."

written by IainB, 21 March 2013

Chris Huhne updates his Facebook page

Chris Huhne has been tagged by West Minster constabulary at Wandsworth Prison.

written by IainB, 11 March 2013

Britain to be assigned AA rating

I know we drink a lot in this country, but to assign us an AA rating is a bit harsh.

written by IainB, 25 February 2013

Horse in Ikea meatballs

Ikea have withdrawn their meatballs after horse DNA was found in a batch. Food watchdogs said that this was like bolting the stable door, after building it from flat-pack, obviously.

written by IainB, 25 February 2013

Cardinal O'Brien resigns

Cardinal O'Brien resigns as Scottish Bishop when it transpires that he once kicked Bishop Brennan up the arse.

written by IainB, 25 February 2013

Because Birds Are Stupid

A new game has emerged in the wake of Penguins: Spy in the Huddle. "What you do," said TV Watcher, Ben Stiler, "is say 'because penguins are stupid' after everything the present says. It's hilarious."

written by IainB, 25 February 2013

It's impolite to ask a lady

New politeness rules governing online forms mean that if the Gender Field is filled in with 'Female' then the Date of Birth or Age fields must be removed from the form.

written by IainB, 25 February 2013

Oscar Pistoris in court

Oscar Pistorius, accused of murdering his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, was dragged into court today for his bail hearing. It's a shame they took his prosthetic legs off him.

written by IainB, 22 February 2013

No More Steps

In line with the disability discrimination, BBC Radio have decided to remove all Steps from their play list. H is said to be livid.

written by IainB, 12 February 2013

Horse meat contamination

One good thing has come from the horse meat in beef products fiasco. All those people who wondered what horse tastes like know now - it tastes like beef.

written by IainB, 11 February 2013

First TV in the movies discovered

Film archivists have found the first transvestite in the movies. "It was Lassie," said Cindy Marr.

written by IainB, 04 February 2013

Prince Harry reveals what he would call his children

Prince Harry has said that if he has two boys, he will call then Kyle and Zeke. "I'd love to call them in from playing," he said. "Zeke, Kyle! I'd shout whilst pointing upward at their bedrooms."

written by IainB, 01 February 2013

Tesco Burgers

Tesco Burgers. Well, every My Little Pony helps...

written by IainB, 16 January 2013

Classifieds - Compact Disc player

For sale, one compact disc player. It measures only one inch each side, making it very compact. None of my discs fit in it, hence £15.

written by IainB, 15 January 2013

Samsung admit duplicity

Samsung have admitted that their new Samsung Galaxy S3 Mini is an ordinary Samsung Galaxy S3, just held further away from the eye.

written by IainB, 10 January 2013

BritTel increase phone charges

BritTel, Britain's number one telecom company, has rewritten an old proverb. "Some people," said CEO Harry Balls, "say that talk is cheap. Not us, we say talk is £40 an hour."

written by IainB, 03 January 2013
Showing page 3 (of 21 pages)

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