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Monica Lewinsky Back in News!
Says she loves Kosher hotdogs, but never met a Weiner from NY.
Obama Role Model for Cadillac Gang Bangers!
Government Limo purchases with Escalade and STS models leading the way has increased 50% since Barry "go green' O'Bama took over GM. Ride of choice in Detroit, Philly & Oakland. Murder up too!
Obama Disappointed His Choice for Commerce Secretary Not Available!
Former Enron CEO Ken Lay died in 2006.
GM Recalls ALL Chevy Volts!
Owners blame electrical faults named "The Matthews Effect." Everytime they start it up they get a 'tingly feeling up their leg". Voice activated Obama speech 'to buckle up' likely the cause says GM
US Postal System...Broke Again!
Fiscal watchdogs blame big part of problem on backing cycle team and "that big DOPE" Lance Armstrong" to the tune of $8M a year. May now try to collect 'Postage Due' claiming tiny testicular Fraud!
Obama's Pledge to Missouri has Caveat!
A fortnight after disaster Obama arrives and pledges to 'rebuild city better than before; as soon as we check to see if any money left after Egypt, Tunisia, Libya,
Iraq, and repairs to MY limo!"
Indy Rookie Crashes 900' from Victory!
JR Hiderbrand says he had a panic attack entering the last turn thinking about drinking milk in victory circle. "I'm lactose intolerant," he said sickly, after
finishing 2nd in wrecked car!
Princess Eugenie Emerges from Club 'all wet!"
Complains since she lost her 'minders' she has trouble 'holding her liquor' as she's forced to hold her own glass and has trouble locating her mouth. Vows to use funnel on "Drink & Sink' nights!
Kim Jong il's New Cookbook Hits Yahoo!
"1001 ways to prepare Dirt." Introduction describes N. Korean leader as
'gritty, tough," and newest weight loss guru. 5* from Jane Fonda.
Third World Countries Celebrate 'Arab Spring!"
" Fountain" of money attributed to 'Allah,' ritual human sacrifices continue in his honour as Idiot Infidels duped again!
New Defense for Football Stars Presented!
Never known for their IQ or financial acumen, boys claimed they were duped into making deposits into what they thought were 'sperm banks' guaranteed to preserve their legacy during retirement.
EU Wants Own Standing Armed Forces!
Proposes control of EU border immigration in order to speed up multiculturalism. Proposes DSK as 'Rear Admiral', Barreness Ashton for
Leftenant of French Affairs, Sally Burcow as UFO coordinator.
FIFA Now Declared Transparent and Free of Influence!
Seth Batter celebrates re election with 'tokens of appreciation' to Football Board of Inquiry including new 'retirement packages' which can't be disclosed.
Cameron & Obama 'out of the closet!'
Pictures of the pair shown roasting weenies on a stick at cook out to raise money for Africa declared "Homophobic AND Racist by Naomi Campbell! Also sues company selling 'white pistachio nuts!"
US Navy Names New Ship in Honour of JFK!
The new solar powered submarine the' USS Marylyn Monroe' was launched in typical Kennedy Fashion: a bottle of champaign, some whispered words, and a stiff push before it slid below the surface!
Pop Star to Sue Candy Company over Chocolate Nut Bar!
Infuriated Natasha Mugabe, formerly Ian McSwine of Wales complained, after the company compared it's product to her:"This is an outrage...I ain't got me nuts no more! Bastards!"
Piers Morgan Struggling for Viewers!
Said to be hosting new show spin off, "So You Think You can Lap Dance?"
Vows NOT to fire judge Cheryl Cole for perceived speech impediment, says' she can sit on my XXXX anytime, eh?' Slimey BASTARD!
Eric Holder Now Has Hard On for Texas!
Says he'll cancel all airline flights into the GOP State if they don't drop ban over TSA invasive body cavity searches, groping of genitals, and 'wet willies'
up butt cracks. Barney Frank relieved.
Ford drops Mercury Line!
Government says cars too dangerous, but lethal mercury in CFL's Ok!
UAW at GM sends Dems $4m more in Campaign Contributions to continue
efforts promoting 'Green' Jobs!
NYC Police and Interpol confirm sperm on maid's blouse really does belong to
DSK. Four women in France come forward in support saying "He'd never cheat on ME!"
US Energy Czar Warns Obama Oil Reserves Low!
"Well, that's why I hired the DIPSTICK, " said Barry in an aside to VP Joe Biden,
who was standing by with his finger up his arse in case Obama asked for a second opinion and another reading.
Englishman Refused Refund over Defective Blow Up Doll!
"Bastards, no one said you periodically had to change the fluids, I thought those squeaks were either the brakes going bad, or cries of ecstasy" said XXXX after paying for a Super Injunction.
More Spoof Writers Head to Thailand for Sex Change!
"Gotta do something....I'd like to be in the top ten for at least a week before I drop out of sight ...again," said one under rated and frustrated writer.
Met's Owner Declares his Team is" S*****y!"
Well, finally something he can agree with Gail Farrelly and the rest of the fans on. Bernie Madoff said, "don't look to me for help, I did all I could for Fred!
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