Showing breaking news satire snippets written by JAB.Show all snippets.
How many agents does it take guard the POTUS
None -if you're screwing hookers in Columbia
written by JAB, 16 April 2012
Biden's take on the prostitute episode in Columbia
According to Vice President Biden, "This flap in Columbia with hookers and our secret agents is a big fuckin' deal."
written by JAB, 15 April 2012
Obama's comment on Free Trade with Columbia
President Obama in Cartagena, Columbia said, "A $47 a night hooker for secret service agents proves that free trade with Columbia is a myth, on the other hand, it illustrates stimulus does work."
written by JAB, 15 April 2012
Obama's Secret Service agents sent home from Summit of Americas for misconduct
The alleged misconduct may have involved prostitutes in Cartagena, site of the Summit of the Americas. DNC's Hilary Rosen,who created a stir over Ann Romney, said, "At least they're working women"
written by JAB, 14 April 2012
Obama does a Singing Condemnation of Syria's Assad with help from Edwin Starr
War, huh, yeah /What is it good for/Absolutely nothing/Uh-huh/War, huh, yeah/
What is it good for/Absolutely nothing/Say it again, y'all/War, huh, good God/
What is it good for/Absolutely nothing
State officials clarify earlier remarks about Clinton and North Korea
"We did not mean to infer that the Secretary would wipe down her granny panties, but that she'd appear with UN Secretary Ban Ki-moon," said a newly hired spokesman.
Santorum says he will suspend campaign but 'not done fighting'
"We won 11 states and millions of votes. We won more counties than all the other people in this race combined," Santorum said, "That's a lot of votes when I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'"
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warns North Korea over rocket launch
Clinton says the US would pursue "appropriate action." Officials would not preclude the Secretary, standing on the Demilitarized Zone and "mooning the North Korean regime, if demands are not met"
Marlins suspend manager Ozzie Guillen for 5 games
Guillen was suspended for five games Tuesday because of his comments about Fidel Castro. "When I said he had cojones I meant baseballs," said the apologetic Venezuelan, Guillen
Family's grief over 'plot'
The family of a Wall Street executive was stunned to find the cemetery plot bought 29 years ago was occupied. Occupy Wall Street denies involvement, "Our dead are in the 99% plots not the 1% ones."
Alec Baldwin's alleged stalker hit with temporary restraining order
Montreal actress, Genevieve Sabourin said, "I'm not crazy -- just nuts, over Alec."
Ashley Judd Calls Media's Puffy-Face Controversy "Nasty, Gendered and Misogynistic"
Rapper Chris Brown, ex soul mate of Rihanna, commented, "I hate the word 'misogynistic'"
'Christ, don't take me yet,' Venezuelan president Chavez weeps, as health fears grow
Some in the crowd swear they heard a voice from on high say, "Eat three hot cross buns and call me in the morning."
written by JAB, 07 April 2012
NBC Apologizes for Shoddy Editing of Zimmerman Call
Why the fuss, mistakes happen, here is a sentence pasted from Wikipedia,
NBC is sometimes referred to as the "cock Network." Looks harmless to me.
written by JAB, 05 April 2012
Olbermann might be on the air soon
Keith Olbermann spent his last days at Current TV with rants about "smelly'' drivers who had the audacity to talk to him. "Our kinda guy, said a JetBlue spokesman, we're talking to Keith."
written by JAB, 04 April 2012
Crazed JetBlue pilot's wife says family focusing on his recovery
"Just chillin', listening to Paul Simon -- 'Still Crazy after all these Years'."
written by JAB, 01 April 2012
Clinton ready to deal with Iran over Nukes
Sec of State Clinton in Riyadh, said, "I will do everything I can to get Iran's President Ahmedinejad partnered with Tony Dovolani, on 'Dancing with the Stars' if that's what he wants
Mega Millions lottery Winner going to Disney World
Winner Buck Teeph from Red Bud, IL said he's taking the town of 650 people, "to see Mickey and thank the Lord for making it all possible." Let me hear an, Amen.
New Balls, Please
Client No. 9 is taking over from Client Countdown at Current TV
'DWTS' Navratilova to star in movie
In the same genre as the 1992 movie 'White Men Can't Jump", Martina
Navratilova is to star in "Gay Women Can't Dance"
Obama picked up on an open mic in Pakistan
Meeting with PM Yousef Raza Gillani of Pakistan, Obama could be heard saying, "Have you suggested to her, she tries a Brazilian wax, I know Michelle…" (The rest is garbled)
JetBlue to review procedures
Both the pilot and the flight attendant, 2 years ago, went into meltdown after their wisdom teeth were removed. "Only people with dentures will be hired in future," said a spokesman.
Lindsay Lohan to be in 'Glee'
Lohan is to play herself on the Fox hit.The episode will be called Puberty
Venezuela's Chavez Arrives in Cuba for First Radiation Therapy
The socialist leader, who had a second cancerous tumor removed from his pelvic area during an operation Feb. 26, said to his Cuban doctor, "The ball's in your court."
written by JAB, 25 March 2012