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Platini wants bigger world cup
After seeing Ice Hockey's Stanley Cup which stads at over a meter tall he felt the current trophy looked a bit titchy.
Cameron: Storms a disappointment.
Prime Minister David Cameron was said to be greatly disappointed by the big storm. He had hoped that the disaster level would mean that he could hide all sorts of unpopular policy announcements.
Letter bomb sent to chief constable
The device had a Westminster postcode and the word "pleb" was used in the accompanying note. Police are planning to speak to Andrew Mitchell.
Epic row over final cut of Noah film
The studio want the biblical epics climax to show the Statue of Liberty rising up as the water subsides, while director Darren Aronofsky thinks the Lincoln Memorial with a monkey face would be better.
Dead star eats water-rich asteroid
The Opera singer Luciano Pavarotti has eaten the sixteen mile wide H2 astroid confounding scientists who thought that his huge appetite may have subsided with his death in 2007
Masturbating elephant wins art prize
Jumbo has been hailed by some as the New Banksy after making a large sticky mess over a wall at his home in the Bronx Zoo.
3D printing 'entering the metal age'
Users can now download and create a life-sized replica of Iron Maiden mascot Eddie the 'Ed
Edinburgh Zoo panda Tian Tian 'no longer pregnant'
The Panda suffered a miscarriage over the weekend after the 'Daily Mail' published a piece branding her an 'Enemy of Britain' due to her Grandfathers friendship with Mao Zedong.
Assembly investigates Duck Tours fire
Due to cuts to the fire service the job of investigating the fire last month on a Duck Tours amphibian vehicle was today taken on by the Year Six assembly of St. Florians RC Primary School in Moorgate
Cumberbatch in talks to play Savile.
After a successful turn as Julian Assange in 'The Fifth Estate' Benedict Cumberbatch is hoping to corner the market in creepy white haired men who chase young girls by playing Sir Jim'll next year.
Badgers 'moved goalposts' says minister Owen Paterson
Following on from his statement Anti Cull groups have joined with the Football Association is suggesting that instead of being culled Badgers could be employed at St. George's Park.
EDL close to appointing new leader
The Arsenal and England footballer Jack Wiltshire is the smoking hot favorite to replace the departing Tommy Robinson after his comments that "England should be for the English" yesterday.
EDL leader Tommy Robinson quits group
In the Cabinet Reshuffle David Cameron asked Robinson to sit in the House of Lords as the new Minister for Race and Immigration.
Tebow to replace Patrick
After another humiliating wreak Danica Patrick is to be replaced in the No10 car. Go Daddy who sponsor the car still want the publicity so have signed up NFL bust Tim Tebow as a replacement.
Mail brands 70's celebrity as worse than Savile.
The Daily Mail have named George from 'Rainbow' as a deviant. "Not only did he promote sharing and other socialist values, he was male but wore pink so must have been gay. He corrupted a generation."
Jack Wilshere pictured smoking, Arsene Wenger's not happy
"He is so sloppy when he passed it to me the roach was all wet." The manager said in a press conference.
Happy birthday, income tax, you're 100 years old
Income Tax reached 100 years old Friday. However the shutdown scuppers plans to give the public a 100 day tax holiday to celebrate.
Natural gas powered cars race at Silverstone
The event this Sunday is sponsored by Hinez Baked Beans.
7 Ways The Mail Make You Feel like a Terrible Human Being
Of course you can feel like a better human being buy not buying 'The Daily Mail'
'Vampire' foreclosures are what's keeping bank inventory high, analyst says
The undead are powerless to defend themselves against the bankers who have no hearts or souls.
Delay GCSE entry charges, says schools leader
However Michael Gove still wants to bring in the £1000 fee for each student to pay before they can sit the exams from the end of this academic year.
Rescued chimpanzee on birth control has twins
Keepers at Dorset Zoo were doubly shocked as there are no male Chimps at the zoo.
Dad disowns daughter
After viewing her latest video Billy Ray Cyrus has disowned his daughter Miley. The 52 year old said "She has fallen from the high standards I set with 'Achy Breaky Heart'"
Mysterious 'ugly woman' painting baffles Winchester couple
The couple have no idea who sent them the painting of TV star Miranda Hart but have no intention of keeping it in the house.
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