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Irish to rename St. Patrick's Day.

From now the 17th March will be a celebration known as St. BO'D's day in honor of Brian O'Driscoll.

written by John_L, 17 March 2014

Coldplay debut new track 'Midnight'

It comes from their new album 'Paint Drying' that they promise is as bland as the title suggests and won't upset anyone.

written by John_L, 26 February 2014

Pickles to visit Somerset Levels.

The Communities Secretary Eric Pickles is to visit the flood devastated Somerset Levels. He will be used as a flotation aid and it is the first time in his career he has been of use to anyone.

written by John_L, 11 February 2014

Burglars heading south for the spring

Hundreds of house breakers from major UK cities are heading south and hiring boats. "A bunch of villages full of posh people who have been evacuated perfect for us" said spokesman Edwardian Fred.

written by John_L, 07 February 2014

Vicar apologizes to Gay community over misheard message from God.

A Vicar in Devon has said he misheard when God told him the floods were punishment for Gay Policies. In fact God told him the floods were punishment for Gove's Policies.

written by John_L, 06 February 2014

NBC set date for Leno's return to 'The Tonight Show'

The Chin is expected to regain the show for the third time on August 12th. Until he does so he will be telling everyone who will listen that he was 'Pushed Out' for being a Republican.

written by John_L, 27 January 2014

Nazi stag MP Aidan Burley 'caused deep offence'

In a note from his office Lord Rennard said he was upset at not being invited as it is exactly the sort of event he enjoys.

written by John_L, 22 January 2014

C4 hit with plagiarism charge over 'Benefits Street'

The estate of Joseph Goebbels have charged that controversial program bares a remarkable similarity to a film made by Goebbels in 1933 just after he was appointed Minister for enlightenment by Hitler.

written by John_L, 08 January 2014

LeBron James left skid marks on the court after falling down during Heat loss to Warriors

He has been told to eat a better more binding diet over the next few weeks.

written by John_L, 03 January 2014

Rise in patients after London New Year celebrations

An NHS spokesman put blame for the increase on the 'Daily Mail' as many of the extra patients were Mail readers who had attempted suicide out of fear of Romanians appearing at midnight in their homes.

written by John_L, 01 January 2014

Hound wins Strictly Come Dancing Christmas show

This adds to Pudsey's 'Britons got Talent' victory and is the perfect publicity for his upcoming film.

written by John_L, 27 December 2013

Jeremy Hunt welcomes 'seven-day NHS' plan

The NHS will now only operate for seven non consecutive days in one calendar year. The public will not be told which days these are. Hunt called the plan "The best way yet to save money"

written by John_L, 14 December 2013

Newcastle's Alan Pardew wins Premier League manager of month

Owner Mike Ashley reputedly already in talks with recently sacked Fulham Manager Martin Jol as a possible replacement at WONGA! St. James Park Stadium.

written by John_L, 06 December 2013

500 job losses on Autumn Statement

George Osbourne's big gimmick to get rid of physical car tax disks has been met with an angry response from small businesses that make tax disk holders. Approximately 500 people will lose their jobs.

written by John_L, 05 December 2013

Child fans 'Used as Flare Mules'

After judge Craig Revel Horwood said Flares were "Ghastly" and banned them from the Strictly Ballroom fans have been using children as young as 8 to sneak them into the Saturday night show.

written by John_L, 03 December 2013

Young British People name Toronto as Worlds coolest City.

A city with a crack smoking nutjob as Mayor is the idea of cool to must British kids these days.

written by John_L, 26 November 2013

England batsman leaves Ashes tour of Australia

Rather unfortunately Jonathan Trott has come down with a sever case of the trotts.

written by John_L, 25 November 2013

Co-op Bank ex-boss Paul Flowers 'filmed buying drugs'

He said that he was attempting to put himself in a position to stand against Boris Johnson as Mayor of London using a strategy copied from Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.

written by John_L, 17 November 2013

Boris: Cameron thanking god for Russell Brand.

London Mayor today said that PM David Cameron was "On his knees thanking god for Russell Brand" as the comic moved from telling Tory opponents not to vote to whipping up support for Dave with the Mail

written by John_L, 06 November 2013

Jason Alexander Goes Without Underwear in Shocking Sheer Dress With Body-Flashing Cutouts

Fellow 'Seinfeld' star Michael Richards commented: I think that is even more shocking than my rant a couple of years ago.

written by John_L, 05 November 2013

Sixty people leave UK after Home Office 'Go Home' van campaign

The figures show that os the 60 58 were British citizens who left because they were so disgusted with the country for stooping so low.

written by John_L, 31 October 2013

Platini wants bigger world cup

After seeing Ice Hockey's Stanley Cup which stads at over a meter tall he felt the current trophy looked a bit titchy.

written by John_L, 28 October 2013

Cameron: Storms a disappointment.

Prime Minister David Cameron was said to be greatly disappointed by the big storm. He had hoped that the disaster level would mean that he could hide all sorts of unpopular policy announcements.

written by John_L, 28 October 2013

Letter bomb sent to chief constable

The device had a Westminster postcode and the word "pleb" was used in the accompanying note. Police are planning to speak to Andrew Mitchell.

written by John_L, 25 October 2013

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