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Burglars heading south for the spring
Hundreds of house breakers from major UK cities are heading south and hiring boats. "A bunch of villages full of posh people who have been evacuated perfect for us" said spokesman Edwardian Fred.
Vicar apologizes to Gay community over misheard message from God.
A Vicar in Devon has said he misheard when God told him the floods were punishment for Gay Policies. In fact God told him the floods were punishment for Gove's Policies.
NBC set date for Leno's return to 'The Tonight Show'
The Chin is expected to regain the show for the third time on August 12th. Until he does so he will be telling everyone who will listen that he was 'Pushed Out' for being a Republican.
Nazi stag MP Aidan Burley 'caused deep offence'
In a note from his office Lord Rennard said he was upset at not being invited as it is exactly the sort of event he enjoys.
C4 hit with plagiarism charge over 'Benefits Street'
The estate of Joseph Goebbels have charged that controversial program bares a remarkable similarity to a film made by Goebbels in 1933 just after he was appointed Minister for enlightenment by Hitler.
LeBron James left skid marks on the court after falling down during Heat loss to Warriors
He has been told to eat a better more binding diet over the next few weeks.
Rise in patients after London New Year celebrations
An NHS spokesman put blame for the increase on the 'Daily Mail' as many of the extra patients were Mail readers who had attempted suicide out of fear of Romanians appearing at midnight in their homes.
Hound wins Strictly Come Dancing Christmas show
This adds to Pudsey's 'Britons got Talent' victory and is the perfect publicity for his upcoming film.
Jeremy Hunt welcomes 'seven-day NHS' plan
The NHS will now only operate for seven non consecutive days in one calendar year. The public will not be told which days these are. Hunt called the plan "The best way yet to save money"
Newcastle's Alan Pardew wins Premier League manager of month
Owner Mike Ashley reputedly already in talks with recently sacked Fulham Manager Martin Jol as a possible replacement at WONGA! St. James Park Stadium.
500 job losses on Autumn Statement
George Osbourne's big gimmick to get rid of physical car tax disks has been met with an angry response from small businesses that make tax disk holders. Approximately 500 people will lose their jobs.
Child fans 'Used as Flare Mules'
After judge Craig Revel Horwood said Flares were "Ghastly" and banned them from the Strictly Ballroom fans have been using children as young as 8 to sneak them into the Saturday night show.
Young British People name Toronto as Worlds coolest City.
A city with a crack smoking nutjob as Mayor is the idea of cool to must British kids these days.
England batsman leaves Ashes tour of Australia
Rather unfortunately Jonathan Trott has come down with a sever case of the trotts.
Co-op Bank ex-boss Paul Flowers 'filmed buying drugs'
He said that he was attempting to put himself in a position to stand against Boris Johnson as Mayor of London using a strategy copied from Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
Boris: Cameron thanking god for Russell Brand.
London Mayor today said that PM David Cameron was "On his knees thanking god for Russell Brand" as the comic moved from telling Tory opponents not to vote to whipping up support for Dave with the Mail
Jason Alexander Goes Without Underwear in Shocking Sheer Dress With Body-Flashing Cutouts
Fellow 'Seinfeld' star Michael Richards commented: I think that is even more shocking than my rant a couple of years ago.
Sixty people leave UK after Home Office 'Go Home' van campaign
The figures show that os the 60 58 were British citizens who left because they were so disgusted with the country for stooping so low.
Platini wants bigger world cup
After seeing Ice Hockey's Stanley Cup which stads at over a meter tall he felt the current trophy looked a bit titchy.
Cameron: Storms a disappointment.
Prime Minister David Cameron was said to be greatly disappointed by the big storm. He had hoped that the disaster level would mean that he could hide all sorts of unpopular policy announcements.
Letter bomb sent to chief constable
The device had a Westminster postcode and the word "pleb" was used in the accompanying note. Police are planning to speak to Andrew Mitchell.
Epic row over final cut of Noah film
The studio want the biblical epics climax to show the Statue of Liberty rising up as the water subsides, while director Darren Aronofsky thinks the Lincoln Memorial with a monkey face would be better.
Dead star eats water-rich asteroid
The Opera singer Luciano Pavarotti has eaten the sixteen mile wide H2 astroid confounding scientists who thought that his huge appetite may have subsided with his death in 2007
Masturbating elephant wins art prize
Jumbo has been hailed by some as the New Banksy after making a large sticky mess over a wall at his home in the Bronx Zoo.
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