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Bernie Sanders Is Running for President of The People's Republic of Amerika
Senator Bernie Sanders will seek the Democratic Party's nomination for President of The People's Republic of Amerika.
Obama Announces Free Ice Cream for Low-Income Children
President Obama will go to one of Washington's poorest neighborhoods to talk about a plan to give low-income children free ice cream.
Obama Blames Climate Change for Racial Unrest
Climate change "is not a problem for another generation," President Obama said Wednesday during an Earth Day address in Baltimore. "This is a problem now."
Bruce Jenner's Transformation Nearly Complete
Bruce Jenner plans to complete his transformation into a woman by dumping "his" Republican Party and becoming a full blown, bleeding-heart liberal.
President Obama Issues Executive Order, Combining ATF, USDA, GMOs and Climate Change
President Obama issued an executive order today, directing the ATF, USDA, GMOs and Climate Change to be combined into one department (FAT ASS).
Chipoltes Bans Employees From Getting Inoculated
Chipoltes's Co-Chief Executive Officer, Monte Moron, announced today that Chipoltes will no longer employ anyone who has been inoculated.
iToons Shows Apple Logo Biting Android Robot in Crotch
In an apparent act of retaliation, Apple's iToons website displayed the Aaple logo biting the Android robot in the groin area.
New Study Concludes That Semen Prevents Breast Cancer
A new study, released Wednesday, has concluded that semen, consumed orally, prevents breast cancer. The study was issued by the National Foundation for Men.
President Obama Orders National Weather Service to Build Climatron
President Barack Obama issued an Executive Order Tuesday, directing the National Weather Service to build the Climatron.
President Obama Proposes Building 10,000 Mile Dike To Protect USA From Climate Change
This morning, President Obama proposed utilizing the USA's military to build a dike around the lower 48 states, combating climate change.
More schools to offer breakfast in bed
President Barack Obama signed an Executive Order today, mandating that schools offer breakfast in bed for disadvantaged students.
* * * BREAKING NEWS * * *
Hillary Clinton was spotted this afternoon brushing her own hair. Video and detailed analysis available NOW on TheSpoofCableNetwork.com
* * * BREAKING NEWS * * *
Hillary Clinton was spotted this morning entering a restroom at hotel. She emerged a few minutes later. Full details tonight.
Republican Presidential Candidates Announce Their Rides After Hillary Clinton's Success In Her 'Scooby" Van
Republican candidates held a joint news conference to announce their choices in transportation, after Hillary Clinton's huge media success with her "Scooby" van.
Small-Breasted Cocktail Waitresses Demand Income Equality
According to the latest data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, cocktail waitresses with small breasts make 63 cents for every dollar large-breasted cocktail waitresses make.
Obama calls Dick Cheney 'worst Vice President ever'
President Obama called Dick Cheney the 'worst Vice President ever', after former Vice President Dick Cheney said that President Obama is the worst commander in chief the United States has ever had.
NFL Commissioner Slams Michael Sam for Anti-Gay Bashing On DWTS
Michael Sam, NFL's first openly gay player, was lambasted by NFL Commissioner, Biff Wellington, for his performance and comments on ABC's Dancing With The Stars.
California Governor Signs 'Gay Freedom' Clarification Bill
California Governor Jerry Brown today signed a bill clarifying his state's controversial "gay freedom" laws, which critics said gave business owners a legal defense to discriminate against straights.
ISIS Orders Mass Defecation on Quran
ISIS commander, Haid D'Salaami, ordered his soldiers to execute a mass-defecation on the holy Quran to prove their manliness.
Red meat linked to erectile dysfunction, says Poultry Council study
The Poultry Litigation & Underwriting Council (PLUC) released the results of a 17-year study Monday, linking erectile dysfunction to the consumption of red meat.
President Obama Issues Executive Order Prohibiting Future Presidents from Issuing Executive Orders
President Obama's Press Secretary, April Phulz, announced today that the President has signed a Presidential Executive Order prohibiting future Presidents from issuing Presidential Executive Orders.
California Gay Advocacy Group Proposes Ballot Initiative to Allow Killing of Straights
In response to a measure to allow killing of gays in CA, Nigel Reynolds, attorney for the GAG has filed a petition with the California Attorney General, Kamala Harris, to allow killing of straights.
US Surgeon General Recomends Federal Copulation Center
Surgeon General Vice Admiral Vivek H. Murthy, released a study today recommending that President Obama issue an executive order to establish a Federal United Copulation Center (FUCC).
Scientists Blame Solar Eclipses on Global Climate Change
USGS Chief Scientist, Jack MeHoff, released a study today that concludes that the increasing number of solar eclipses is due to Global Climate Change, caused by human activity.
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