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Obama to Seek Approval from His Parents Before Syria Strike
Barack Obama said that he has decided to launch cruise missiles against Syria after he gets authorization for the mission from his parents.
President Obama Signs Executive Order Raising Minimum Wage to $100 Per Hour
President Obama issued an executive order, raising the minimum wage from $7.25 to $100/hr. Democrats demanded the minimum wage be raised to $200 - Republicans wanted the minimum wage to be abolished.
NBC Tells Syria That Cruse Missile Strike Will Occur at Assad's Palace in Damascus on Thursday @ 5:00 EDT
NBC CEO and Obama Spokesman, Stephen B. Burke, announced today that the U.S. will hit President Assad's palace in Damascus with multiple cruise missiles on Thursday, August 29 at 5:00 pm EDT.
Mercedes-Benz Embraces Web Connectivity
Mercedes-Benz's next "C Class" will offer Pandora Radio and Google Maps. The "E Class" will add email, while the "S Class" will include MB's premium internet application, "Klusterfnugen".
Apple will unveil iWatch next week
The new iWatch will be launched on September 3, one day prior to the release of Samsung's new smartwatch and a full four months ahead of Microsoft's upcoming ankle smartwatch, the Sockphone.
New York Attorney General Sues Donald Trump
New York's attorney general, Eric Schneiderman, sued Donald Trump for $63 million Monday, saying the real estate mogul violated New York's law that prevents citizens from hiding their face in public.
Miley Cyrus To Star In Adult Films
Steven Hirsch, CEO of the world's largest adult film company, Vivid Entertainment LLC, announced today that Miley Cyrus has signed to appear in 17 new adult films, direct 37 and produce 4.
FCC Announces Phone Service Subsidy for Rapists and Murderers
The Federal Communications Commission today took long-overdue steps to ensure that long-distance rates made by convicted felons are just, reasonable and fair.
Bradley Manning to have sex change operation next week, then transfer to women's prison next year
Chelsea Manning is scheduled to undergo gender reassignment surgery next week. She will then return to Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary, before transferring to a women's prison in June of 2014.
California's 'Rim' Fire Threatens Gay Motocross Event
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - A massive fire in California, known as the Rim Fire roared into the California back country today, threatening to disrupt a gay motocross event.
Bradley Manning says he's a woman
Bradley Manning, the Army private found guilty for leaking classified documents, revealed Thursday he intends to live out the remainder of his life as a woman.
NSA admits to rummaging through garbage of every American
In a stunning admission, the NSA unlawfully gathered thousands of tons of garbage from Americans as part of a now-revised collection method, according to a 2012 secret court opinion.
Google Seeks Sex Experts For New Help Service
Google to launch SexHelp, through which frustrated housewives and horny men can offer advice to other frustrated housewives and horny men for free or a fee via online video.
Anti Bully Bullying Law Passed in Texas
A former San Antonio teacher accused of directing kindergartners to hit a classmate for being a bully has resulted in new legislation, outlawing bullying of bullies.
Microsoft to roll out SurPhobletoaster with 17.3 inch screen
REDMOND, WA - Microsoft announced the release of their new 17.3 inch SurPhobletoaster, due to arrive in stores on Oct. 31.
Obamas' Dog Poops on Floor in Oval Office
***BREAKING NEWS*** The Obama's new dog, Sunny, issued his own "release" today, taking a giant dump on the floor of the Oval Office.
Samsung to launch platinum smart phone
Samsung's next smartphone, will contain 23 ounces of pure platinum. The phone will be encrusted with 357 diamonds and will weight in at 3.6 pounds.
Bloomberg Presses for Action on Bakery Rules
A day after an appeals court rejected his ban on sugary drinks larger than 16 ounces, Mayor Bloomberg announced that he will seek to outlaw jelly donuts.
Obama Favours Cupboard Reorganisation
WASHINGTON, DC - In an effort to maximise control of gouvernment, feel more European and minimise Amerika, the Obama administration is proposing reorganising his cupboard.
Leno, Letterman, Fallon and O'Brien to Leave Late-Night if Weiner Loses
Late night television hosts, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon and Conan Obrien have announced they will step down if Anthony Weiner does not win his bid to become Mayor of New York City.
Cory Booker wins Democrat primary, reveals he groped female, then announces run for NYC Mayor
Corry Booker, Mayor of Newark, announced today that he had groped a female friend, and that put's him in a position to run for New York City Mayor.
Mike Tyson Jumps Into New York City Mayoral Race
Shortly after being named "Power Player of the Week" by Fox News's Mike Wallace, Mike Tyson announced that he will be jumping into the New York City Mayoral Race.
President pledges new limits on press
President Obama called Friday for greater control and more oversight of America's extensive press, including newspapers, websites and Costco flyers.
Weiner Support Droops as Mike Tyson Takes Lead in NYC Mayoral Race
The polls have a new leader as Weiner support softened. Former undisputed heavyweight boxing champion and convicted rapist, Mike Tyson, has taken the lead in the Democrat primary.
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