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NSA admits to rummaging through garbage of every American
In a stunning admission, the NSA unlawfully gathered thousands of tons of garbage from Americans as part of a now-revised collection method, according to a 2012 secret court opinion.
Google Seeks Sex Experts For New Help Service
Google to launch SexHelp, through which frustrated housewives and horny men can offer advice to other frustrated housewives and horny men for free or a fee via online video.
Anti Bully Bullying Law Passed in Texas
A former San Antonio teacher accused of directing kindergartners to hit a classmate for being a bully has resulted in new legislation, outlawing bullying of bullies.
Microsoft to roll out SurPhobletoaster with 17.3 inch screen
REDMOND, WA - Microsoft announced the release of their new 17.3 inch SurPhobletoaster, due to arrive in stores on Oct. 31.
Obamas' Dog Poops on Floor in Oval Office
***BREAKING NEWS*** The Obama's new dog, Sunny, issued his own "release" today, taking a giant dump on the floor of the Oval Office.
Samsung to launch platinum smart phone
Samsung's next smartphone, will contain 23 ounces of pure platinum. The phone will be encrusted with 357 diamonds and will weight in at 3.6 pounds.
Bloomberg Presses for Action on Bakery Rules
A day after an appeals court rejected his ban on sugary drinks larger than 16 ounces, Mayor Bloomberg announced that he will seek to outlaw jelly donuts.
Obama Favours Cupboard Reorganisation
WASHINGTON, DC - In an effort to maximise control of gouvernment, feel more European and minimise Amerika, the Obama administration is proposing reorganising his cupboard.
Leno, Letterman, Fallon and O'Brien to Leave Late-Night if Weiner Loses
Late night television hosts, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon and Conan Obrien have announced they will step down if Anthony Weiner does not win his bid to become Mayor of New York City.
Cory Booker wins Democrat primary, reveals he groped female, then announces run for NYC Mayor
Corry Booker, Mayor of Newark, announced today that he had groped a female friend, and that put's him in a position to run for New York City Mayor.
Mike Tyson Jumps Into New York City Mayoral Race
Shortly after being named "Power Player of the Week" by Fox News's Mike Wallace, Mike Tyson announced that he will be jumping into the New York City Mayoral Race.
President pledges new limits on press
President Obama called Friday for greater control and more oversight of America's extensive press, including newspapers, websites and Costco flyers.
Weiner Support Droops as Mike Tyson Takes Lead in NYC Mayoral Race
The polls have a new leader as Weiner support softened. Former undisputed heavyweight boxing champion and convicted rapist, Mike Tyson, has taken the lead in the Democrat primary.
Tesla Motors founder details futuristic 'Catastropult' system
SAN JOSE, CA - Tesla Motors and Paypal founder Elon Musk unveiled his "Catastropult" system today, detailing a catapult that would toss people from Los Angeles to San Francisco in 1/2 hour, or so...
Al Sharpton Calls For Boycott of Blackberry Products
WASHINGTON, DC - Democrat Activist, MSNBC host and part-time clown Al Sharpton has called for a boycott of all Blackberry products.
Biden considers possible 2024 bid
WASHINGTON, DC - Vice President Joe Biden may run for President in 2024, or he may be dead. But he wants you to know he might, or might not.
Apple to Launch iBone
Apple will reveal its next big thing, the iBone on September 13. Apple CEO Timothy D. Cook said "We are looking forward to giving MyRobot's newly released Splooj® stiff competition.
NYPD Frisk-Grope-and-Fondle Tactic Violates Rights: Judge
A federal judge has ordered an independent agency to oversee reforms to the NYC PD's frisk-grope-and-fondle practice after ruling the polarizing practice violated the United States Constitution.
Massive Mobility Scooter Pileup Injures 10 Seniors
THE VILLAGES, FL - Police are investigating a 41-mobility scooter pileup in The Villages that injured at least 10 seniors.
The cause of the pileup remains under investigation.
New Jitterbug to hit market
THE VILLAGES, FL - Greatcall will release the new Jitterbug Delta, which includes features that many seniors have been demanding, including automatic repeating of all calls and messages.
AG Holder to outline new whisle-blower sentencing guidelines
WASHINGTON, DC - The Justice Department plans to change how it prosecutes whistle-blowers, so they would no longer face mandatory death sentences.
Carlos Danger Files Suit Against Anthony Weiner
TALLAHASSEE, FL - State inmate, Carlos Danger, has filed suit against Anthony Weiner for defamation of character. Danger has been imprisoned since 1995 for lewd and lascivious behavior.
NTSB: No sign of any problems on Asiana 214
NTSB Chief Mi Hung Lo issued a statement today that nothing wong was found after the crash of Asiana flight 214 and the plane will continue on a return flight to its point of origination in Long Dong.
Meg Whitman Calls Jerry Brown a Gigolo
Jerry Brown, called his opponent, Meg Whitman a "F*cking Whore".
In response, Meg Whitman countered that Jerry Brown was "a God-Damned C*cksucking Gigolo".
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