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£6,000 Of Viagra Stolen From UK Military Stocks!
It's a hard life in the modern Army!
One out, all out!
Home Office staff who block failed Asylum seekers to be rewarded with gift vouchers and holiday days...'offer of the week guys'... boot out 10 Roma and win two weeks all inclusive in the Maldives!
.....Working on the chain gang!
"12 Years A Slave", the everyday story of a man who chose to make a career out of working at Tesco!
Migrant backlog will take 24 years to clear.....not if you use real bullets it won't cobber!
..........."ladies and gentlemen...please welcome...."
The Mandela Farewell Tour kicks off to worldwide anticipation....good tickets still available from Stubhub.
"I want my Mummy!"
Mothercare stores report record losses over Christmas trading season....cue Frankie Valli..."Bye bye baby, baby bye bye
German PM Angela Merkel injured in skiing accident.
MEMO to self, must buy David Cameron some ski's.
...carry on rogering!
Prince Wills orf to Cambridge University in the New Year for 10 weeks course, Kate said to be deliriously happy at the thought of being 'comforted' by Prince Haribo during the long cold nights ahead!
......Nibble on this.
Rentokil on full alert for anticipated invasion of Eastern European vermin
Ronnie shunts off into the sunset ...choo choo!
......gone in sixty seconds:The Prequel?
ArchBishop Desmond Tutu burgled while attending Mandela Farewell Tour gig...a spokesman said "It's all to-to much".
..."head 'em up, move 'em out!"
George 'Abacus' Osborne calls for return to 'Pioneer Spirit'...."rollin' rollin' rollin' though the streams are swollin' keep them poms a'graftin' Rawhide!"
...............Holy Popes Batman!
Pope Francis reveals he once worked as a nightclub bouncer in his native Argentina....."nobody messes wid big Frankie!"
............Up the Pole
Prince William reportedly jealous of Prince Haribo's Polar Trek. No worries Willie, why not spend a weekend at the Hyde Park Winter Wonderland instead?
New Mums 'left clueless amid Midwife Crisis.....from observation in any McDonalds most new 'Mums' are bloody clueless anyway....BABIES do not want chicken nuggets for breakfast!
......."I want my Mummy!"
Woman tries to sell baby in Airport toilet....or, as it is known in the trade: a bog standard deal!
.."BEHOLD THE EYES IN THE SKY!"
A one-ton research satellite will crash to Earth on Sunday night........hopefully it's satnav will locate Number 10 Downing Street OK!
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admits smoking crack-that'll teach him to wear Polyester underpants when eating a curry!
Retiring Police dogs may soon be awarded pensions like their owners-hopefully bus passes and free eye tests as well?
Itsy bitsy spider.
Not to be out done by J Sainsbury and their exciting free 'wandering spider' promotion Tesco are offering a selection of free venomous creepy-crawlies in their assorted fruit and vegetables department
......"Feel Or No Feel?
Rumour abounds that a certain little bearded TV gnome has been arrested by Operation Yeetree detectives...C4 crapping bricks!!
Not such a perfect day for Lou Reed, more a knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door!
......."you 'orrible little man!"
Recruitment drive 11,000 new Army recruits.....fond memories of 'The Army Game' spring to mind and 'excused boots Bisley'!
Tory Boy David Davis wants policemen to have cameras on their helmets to record their daily actions. Could be a money spinner considering how much Max Stennett made from his Keystone Kops movies!
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