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'Home Alone' Arrest Made Every Day - Report
.....about bloody time, those movies are diabolical!
Hard Ed v Smooth Dave: The Verdict.
............two tossers for the price of one!
Wife Jailed For Attempt To 'Boil Her Husband'.
..............poor sod, he only married her for her culinary skills in the first place!
Britain To Boost Falkland Islands Defences
.....two new peashooters purchased from Amazon.
Church Appoints Its Second Woman Bishop
.....due to a dire shortage of choirboys!
Animals May Help Predict Earthquakes -Study
nothing new here, my cat reaches 5.1 on the Richter scale every time he craps for England!!
TV's 'Neighbours' At 30: Top Facts About The Soap
............It's still crap!
Billions Of Planets In Our Galaxy 'May Hold Life'
..Jeremy Kyle show renewed for another 5 years!
Budget: Osborne Insists 'The Plan Is Working'
....to right George, another five years of Conservative rule and we'll be on par with Albania!!
Three Judges Fired For Watching Porn At Work
..puts whole new slant on the saying "here comes the Judge!"
Ikea Bans Hide-And-Seek In its Stores
................the poor sods were merely trying to find the way out.
Clarkson's Rise: 'You Can't Live Without Him'
..wanna bet, I'm doing nicely thank you!
Visually impaired pensioner thought he was signing a 'relegate' Clarkson petition!
Jeremy Clarkson finally diagnosed...as a tosser!
Work Begins To Excavate 3,000 Plague Skeletons.
....doubtless all ex-Tesco night time employee's? "Those night shifts are a bitch"
Police Forces Lose Track Of 396 Sex Offenders!
.....try sifting through the Conservative Party lads!!!
Sarah Brightman Writing Song To Sing In Space
.....thank Christ for that!!!
"I dig it man!"
Work Begins To Excavate 3,000 Plague Skeletons in London.......all possibly ex-Tesco night shift employee's.
"For my next ladies and gentlemens!"
Having finally collected enough cereal coupons to get his free Harry Potter wand Do-nothing-Dave Pledges to open 500 New Free Schools....coming soon: flying pigs and hen's teeth..."jus' like that!"
UK entry Electro Velvet on target for prestigeous bottom position singing "Goodnight Vienna"
'Pee Power' Toilet Generates Electricity
A prototype toilet which uses urine to generate electricity has been launched on a UK university campus. Hopefully they will slash their prices.
Harrison Ford Injured In Plane Crash
Upcoming movie title changed to, Indiana Jones: Pilot from hell.
So What Is Holding PM Back From Head-To-Head debate
.........perchance he has left his 'gonads' in a pub somewhere?
Half A Million Migrants To England Since 2011....
..............or, as UK employers describe it,"come on down the price is right!"
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