Showing snippets written by Auntie Matter.

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Showing page 3 (of 5 pages)

Pope Sighted

Ex-Pope Ratzinger was spotted yesterday having a hamburger with Elvis Presley at a Memphis roadside cafe.

written by Auntie Matter, 21 November 2013

UK Politicians Give Themselves Up.

Twenty-three UK politicians, many of whom were involved in Tony Blair's cabinet, yesterday surrendered themselves to Scotland Yard detectives involved in the Jimmy Savile Inquiry.

written by Auntie Matter, 16 November 2013

Pope Francis Attacked in Broad Daylight.

Pope Francis was attacked yesterday during a visit to the Vatican bank. "You have made my Father's house a den of thieves!" his attacker yelled. Police are looking for a man called "Jesus".

written by Auntie Matter, 15 November 2013

Four-Years-Old Girl Demands Sex Change.

Same sex marriage partners Julian and Clarence Mesmer, have declared their four-years-old daughter Kim, "has demanded she "be made into a boy"".... And we must respect her wishes."

written by Auntie Matter, 15 November 2013

Time out! says The Spoof.

The Spoof has cut the time for reading its Breaking News Snippets by .5 second making it totally impossible at last for any of them to be read.

written by Auntie Matter, 13 November 2013

Planet Earth to be Sold off.

UN in conjunction with the World Bank have voted for the privatisation of Planet Earth. Majority shares will likely fall to Rupert Murdoch or the Vatican.

written by Auntie Matter, 13 November 2013

Heathrow Airport Price Increases

A pint of beer will now cost £15.99 at Heathrow Airport. Patrons will be able to pay by installments. "So few people pass through here," explained an official.

written by Auntie Matter, 12 November 2013

Kate Middleton's Phone Hacked.

London: Scotland Yard has confirmed that Ms. Middleton's phone has been hacked. Alexei Oblomov of Omsk, Russian satellite technician, denies that it was him.

written by Auntie Matter, 12 November 2013

Latest on the Savile Inquiry

Scotland Yard today stated that they hope to bring their first prosecution to court "when all of they key suspects have died of old age".

written by Auntie Matter, 23 October 2013

Next Bilderberg Conference

The next Bilderberg Conference will be held in the Skull & Bones HQ known as "The Tomb" at Yale University.

written by Auntie Matter, 20 October 2013

Martin Luther King's Double Tragedy.

It's been revealed, four days after being assassinated at the Lorraine Hotel Memphis, Martin Luther King had been in line for the CNN best Promising Black Orator Award of 1968.

written by Auntie Matter, 19 October 2013

Medicare-O'Bama Responds

In response to demands for free medicare for the underprivileged President O'Bama has decided to wear lighter suits and smile more often.

written by Auntie Matter, 14 October 2013

Obamacare Be Damned!

Hundreds of thousands of doctors, nurses and medics marched on the White House today to demand free medicare for the nation and an end to wasting money on wars.
Only kiddin'!

written by Auntie Matter, 13 October 2013

Taxidermy to be Compulsory in US schools.

Education Secretary Max Knutt declares that taxidermy is now compulsory in all schools."Kids must get used to the idea of having their insides removed." Britain and Europe to follow suit.

written by Auntie Matter, 10 October 2013

Pope Francis Speaks for the Poor.

In his first Pontifical address since his ordination, Pope Francis announced; "The Lord will give you what you need so long as it is under ten dollars American."

written by Auntie Matter, 07 October 2013

Price Increase at Heathrow Airport

Heathrow Airport.. the price of a pint of beer has rocketed to six quid. Other airports likely to follow suit. Explained Heathrow retail CEO, "Well, we get so few people coming through here."

written by Auntie Matter, 05 October 2013

O'Bama... "Our Real Enemy".

Explaining cuts in Health Care O'Bama has announced; "CIA intelligence has at last unearthed our real enemy. It is not Islam as we thought. It is Christianity."

written by Auntie Matter, 30 September 2013

Mozart Sussed at Last

UK Medical Assoc.Release; "This person had an "obsessive compulsive neurosis" and a "behavioural dsyfunction typical of problem gamblers. Medication would have helped". The subject? Wolfgang Mozart.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 September 2013

Envoy to Iraq

A team of psychologists from the University of California have been sent to Iraq to study the origins of "conspiracy theory" among prisoners and survivors.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 September 2013

Barack and US Press

Announced O'Bama today.. "For the sake of democracy and freedom, I have issued an order under the Official Secrets Act forbidding Congressmen and Senators from talking to the press. Or face prison."

written by Auntie Matter, 25 September 2013

Conspiracy Theorists Ambushed

New legislation in the US passed to outlaw internet conspiracy theorists who may now face a mandatory three years in prison if found guilty.

written by Auntie Matter, 21 September 2013

Premiere of new Rowling Play in Coventry.

Belgrade Theatre is to host a new play by Rowling. "I've written 39 plays since the age of three," she confessed. "I kept it all secret. I am sooooo surprised." Reception is in the Masonic Hall.

written by Auntie Matter, 18 September 2013

Yet Another Book from Rowling.

Just out of hospital where she went to have her writing hand fixed Rowling is to release her latest effort A History of England in 14 volumes. "Been working on it since the age of six", she confessed.

written by Auntie Matter, 12 August 2013

After The Grief Pill ... the Conscience Pill.

After the grief pill scientists in the US have invented the "Conscience Pill". No more troublesome guilt! Governments around the world have expressed a keen interest.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 July 2013
Showing page 3 (of 5 pages)

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