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Showing snippets written by Auntie Matter.


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Showing page 3 (of 12 pages)
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Music Ballad Survey

In a music survey of the 'best' ballads of the last decade it was found that ALL OF THEM without exception were sheeple-exploiting self-pitying crap.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 May 2016
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Final Farewell to Timothy Leary

All is transient Timothy.
How the hell could you have missed it?

written by Auntie Matter, 15 May 2016
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The World Bank Speaks

Give us our money or else!

Now fuck off!

written by Auntie Matter, 12 May 2016
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The Three Most Plentiful Things on the Planet.

1. Air.
2. Water.
3. Close-ups of women's asses on Vimeo.

written by Auntie Matter, 11 May 2016
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The Laid-Back Singer Awards 2016

Los Angeles: The prestigious LA, Laid-Back Singer awards have just been announced for 2016. Winner is Michael Bublé.

Lifetime achievement award goes to Perry Como with Bing Crosby a close second and Frank Sinatra third.
Runner up was Ramesses II.

written by Auntie Matter, 11 May 2016
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MONSANTO ANNOUNCES

Monsanto CEO announced: "Today, we released genetically modified PLANKTON into the Atlantic. Henceforth, anyone who catches a fish from a herring to a whale must pay us... or face legal prosecution."

written by Auntie Matter, 11 May 2016
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Air Drone Attacks

"Are air drone strikes 'legal?'" lawyers want to know.

Is mass murder 'legal'? we all don't need to know.

written by Auntie Matter, 10 May 2016
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Cameron. "The EU Has Kept Peace in Europe".

No doubt about it. Without the EEC formed in 1993 Germany would have declared war against France, Spain against Italy, Austria against Poland and Ireland against the lot.

written by Auntie Matter, 09 May 2016
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Question from a 10 Year old.

Why are whole countries afraid of banks? Why can't they just say to them..."We'll pay you back when we can afford it. In fact, if you don't behave yourself, we may not pay you back at all." That's what my mum would say.

written by Auntie Matter, 05 May 2016
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How to Get Rid of Your Conscience in 2 Easy Steps.

1. Believe in a delusion called 'selflessness'.
2. Find a 'Higher Cause' to serve.

To exercise both to the max however, you may have to wait for World War Three.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 May 2016
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Cameron "Insulted".

UK Prime Minister David Cameron was "insulted" this morning when a man refusing to give his name phoned to tell him to "F*###k!! Off" A full police investigation has been launched.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 May 2016
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"The Criminals Behind 9/11 Will be Prosecuted."

So, said the ghost of J.F.K who appeared recently at a seance in Hollywood. When asked "by whom?", he vanished.

written by Auntie Matter, 02 May 2016
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"Multi-Sexual": A new Sex Label for the Sheeple.

Don't fit in? In desperate need of a social label? How about "Multi-Sexual" recently 'discovered' by scientists at the Tavistock Institute. "Multi-Sexual" means Straight+Gay+Up for Lesbians, family members, quadrupeds and Japanese robots.

written by Auntie Matter, 02 May 2016
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How to Make a Suicide Bomber

Give him/her nothing to live for but DEATH. How do you do that? Hypnosis. What is hypnosis? Let me think... Was that a nuclear explosion or is there something wrong with my glasses?

written by Auntie Matter, 30 April 2016
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Big Rush on Suicide Belts

Suicide Belts for sale. USA made. Free shipment. Buy one get one free. Student Reductions. No ID required.

written by Auntie Matter, 30 April 2016
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The nation says 'Goodbye' to Nancy Reagan

"Goodbye Nancy."

written by Auntie Matter, 30 April 2016
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Shakespeare... Yes It's All True.

It's official. Like most of England's greatest writers Shakespeare was in fact... Irish. From Tipperary.

written by Auntie Matter, 24 April 2016
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What to Say When Someone Calls you "a piece of shit".

"Everything passes".

written by Auntie Matter, 24 April 2016
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Obama's Blackmail

London: Will Obama be sued for blackmail over his threat that unless the UK stays in the EEC trade will cease? Sanctions are not "threats" explained Schillings Law Firm who call them "injunctions".

written by Auntie Matter, 24 April 2016
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Prince's Death. The Question Everyone is Asking.

Was the elevator going up... or down?

written by Auntie Matter, 23 April 2016
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Ireland. What Can't be Taxed?

The Irish Government having imposed 'water charges' on its rain-sodden citizens is now considering an Air-Tax.

written by Auntie Matter, 20 April 2016
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EU Referendum. The Illusion of 'Democracy'.

Your pound will be worth shit, the cost of living will go up and you'll be driven into debt as your income tax increases. Still, you are free to opt out. That's 'democracy'. Isn't it?

written by Auntie Matter, 18 April 2016
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Schillings Deny Claim

Notorious law firm Schillings of London have denied that over 80% of the fraudsters mentioned in the Panama Papers are on its books. "False, untrue and unsubstantiated," said their spokesman, Neil Blair.

written by Auntie Matter, 17 April 2016
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House of Commons to be Outsourced

The project funded by the IMF was announced by CEO Herr Hobbama: "MPs are only party reps," he explained."Governance is best left to professionals."

written by Auntie Matter, 17 April 2016
Showing page 3 (of 12 pages)


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