Showing snippets written by Auntie Matter.

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Showing page 3 (of 5 pages)

Kate Middleton's Phone Hacked.

London: Scotland Yard has confirmed that Ms. Middleton's phone has been hacked. Alexei Oblomov of Omsk, Russian satellite technician, denies that it was him.

written by Auntie Matter, 12 November 2013

Latest on the Savile Inquiry

Scotland Yard today stated that they hope to bring their first prosecution to court "when all of they key suspects have died of old age".

written by Auntie Matter, 23 October 2013

Next Bilderberg Conference

The next Bilderberg Conference will be held in the Skull & Bones HQ known as "The Tomb" at Yale University.

written by Auntie Matter, 20 October 2013

Martin Luther King's Double Tragedy.

It's been revealed, four days after being assassinated at the Lorraine Hotel Memphis, Martin Luther King had been in line for the CNN best Promising Black Orator Award of 1968.

written by Auntie Matter, 19 October 2013

Medicare-O'Bama Responds

In response to demands for free medicare for the underprivileged President O'Bama has decided to wear lighter suits and smile more often.

written by Auntie Matter, 14 October 2013

Obamacare Be Damned!

Hundreds of thousands of doctors, nurses and medics marched on the White House today to demand free medicare for the nation and an end to wasting money on wars.
Only kiddin'!

written by Auntie Matter, 13 October 2013

Taxidermy to be Compulsory in US schools.

Education Secretary Max Knutt declares that taxidermy is now compulsory in all schools."Kids must get used to the idea of having their insides removed." Britain and Europe to follow suit.

written by Auntie Matter, 10 October 2013

Pope Francis Speaks for the Poor.

In his first Pontifical address since his ordination, Pope Francis announced; "The Lord will give you what you need so long as it is under ten dollars American."

written by Auntie Matter, 07 October 2013

Price Increase at Heathrow Airport

Heathrow Airport.. the price of a pint of beer has rocketed to six quid. Other airports likely to follow suit. Explained Heathrow retail CEO, "Well, we get so few people coming through here."

written by Auntie Matter, 05 October 2013

O'Bama... "Our Real Enemy".

Explaining cuts in Health Care O'Bama has announced; "CIA intelligence has at last unearthed our real enemy. It is not Islam as we thought. It is Christianity."

written by Auntie Matter, 30 September 2013

Mozart Sussed at Last

UK Medical Assoc.Release; "This person had an "obsessive compulsive neurosis" and a "behavioural dsyfunction typical of problem gamblers. Medication would have helped". The subject? Wolfgang Mozart.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 September 2013

Envoy to Iraq

A team of psychologists from the University of California have been sent to Iraq to study the origins of "conspiracy theory" among prisoners and survivors.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 September 2013

Barack and US Press

Announced O'Bama today.. "For the sake of democracy and freedom, I have issued an order under the Official Secrets Act forbidding Congressmen and Senators from talking to the press. Or face prison."

written by Auntie Matter, 25 September 2013

Conspiracy Theorists Ambushed

New legislation in the US passed to outlaw internet conspiracy theorists who may now face a mandatory three years in prison if found guilty.

written by Auntie Matter, 21 September 2013

Premiere of new Rowling Play in Coventry.

Belgrade Theatre is to host a new play by Rowling. "I've written 39 plays since the age of three," she confessed. "I kept it all secret. I am sooooo surprised." Reception is in the Masonic Hall.

written by Auntie Matter, 18 September 2013

Yet Another Book from Rowling.

Just out of hospital where she went to have her writing hand fixed Rowling is to release her latest effort A History of England in 14 volumes. "Been working on it since the age of six", she confessed.

written by Auntie Matter, 12 August 2013

After The Grief Pill ... the Conscience Pill.

After the grief pill scientists in the US have invented the "Conscience Pill". No more troublesome guilt! Governments around the world have expressed a keen interest.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 July 2013

Hugh Hefner the World's Most Hated Man

In a global internet poll Hugh Hefner has been declared the most hated man on the planet by all males over the age of thirteen and under the age of ninety.

written by Auntie Matter, 08 January 2013

George Bush has Vision

George Bush Senior, in hospital, told George Junior that he had had a "spiritual vision of the New World Order". Asked to describe, he said "it was all green and looked like George Washington."

written by Auntie Matter, 03 January 2013

President Obama Announces Guns Reform

"It was simple", said he. "The guns stay... but we have outlawed ammunition. That way they get to play Rambo without killing anybody."

written by Auntie Matter, 22 December 2012

Rowling Has Final Say... Again.

Rowling has stated again that The Casual Vacancy is not derived from her own life. "Nothing I write has anything to do with me or my life... so not ever! Absolutley no connection. Not even Potter."

written by Auntie Matter, 06 December 2012

God- It's Official!

Pope Benedict also known as "Eggs" has issued a Papal decree... "God made the universe for the hell of it". Many wonder did He make hell for the hell of it too? God was not available for comment.

written by Auntie Matter, 25 November 2012

Savile Evidence... Where to hide?

Sites on the moon and Mars are currently being examined as possible hiding places for evidence being gathered in Nick Pollard's inquiry into the Jimmy Savile case.

written by Auntie Matter, 25 November 2012

Jesus on Twitter

Twitter has no explanation to offer as to why Jesus Christ who returned to earth last June to judge the living and the dead only managed to get 2 followers on his Twitter account in as many months.

written by Auntie Matter, 06 August 2012
Showing page 3 (of 5 pages)

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