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Pope Francis Attacked in Broad Daylight.
Pope Francis was attacked yesterday during a visit to the Vatican bank. "You have made my Father's house a den of thieves!" his attacker yelled. Police are looking for a man called "Jesus".
Four-Years-Old Girl Demands Sex Change.
Same sex marriage partners Julian and Clarence Mesmer, have declared their four-years-old daughter Kim, "has demanded she "be made into a boy"".... And we must respect her wishes."
Time out! says The Spoof.
The Spoof has cut the time for reading its Breaking News Snippets by .5 second making it totally impossible at last for any of them to be read.
Planet Earth to be Sold off.
UN in conjunction with the World Bank have voted for the privatisation of Planet Earth. Majority shares will likely fall to Rupert Murdoch or the Vatican.
Heathrow Airport Price Increases
A pint of beer will now cost £15.99 at Heathrow Airport. Patrons will be able to pay by installments. "So few people pass through here," explained an official.
Kate Middleton's Phone Hacked.
London: Scotland Yard has confirmed that Ms. Middleton's phone has been hacked. Alexei Oblomov of Omsk, Russian satellite technician, denies that it was him.
Latest on the Savile Inquiry
Scotland Yard today stated that they hope to bring their first prosecution to court "when all of they key suspects have died of old age".
Next Bilderberg Conference
The next Bilderberg Conference will be held in the Skull & Bones HQ known as "The Tomb" at Yale University.
Martin Luther King's Double Tragedy.
It's been revealed, four days after being assassinated at the Lorraine Hotel Memphis, Martin Luther King had been in line for the CNN best Promising Black Orator Award of 1968.
In response to demands for free medicare for the underprivileged President O'Bama has decided to wear lighter suits and smile more often.
Obamacare Be Damned!
Hundreds of thousands of doctors, nurses and medics marched on the White House today to demand free medicare for the nation and an end to wasting money on wars.
Taxidermy to be Compulsory in US schools.
Education Secretary Max Knutt declares that taxidermy is now compulsory in all schools."Kids must get used to the idea of having their insides removed." Britain and Europe to follow suit.
Pope Francis Speaks for the Poor.
In his first Pontifical address since his ordination, Pope Francis announced; "The Lord will give you what you need so long as it is under ten dollars American."
Price Increase at Heathrow Airport
Heathrow Airport.. the price of a pint of beer has rocketed to six quid. Other airports likely to follow suit. Explained Heathrow retail CEO, "Well, we get so few people coming through here."
O'Bama... "Our Real Enemy".
Explaining cuts in Health Care O'Bama has announced; "CIA intelligence has at last unearthed our real enemy. It is not Islam as we thought. It is Christianity."
Mozart Sussed at Last
UK Medical Assoc.Release; "This person had an "obsessive compulsive neurosis" and a "behavioural dsyfunction typical of problem gamblers. Medication would have helped". The subject? Wolfgang Mozart.
Envoy to Iraq
A team of psychologists from the University of California have been sent to Iraq to study the origins of "conspiracy theory" among prisoners and survivors.
Barack and US Press
Announced O'Bama today.. "For the sake of democracy and freedom, I have issued an order under the Official Secrets Act forbidding Congressmen and Senators from talking to the press. Or face prison."
Conspiracy Theorists Ambushed
New legislation in the US passed to outlaw internet conspiracy theorists who may now face a mandatory three years in prison if found guilty.
Premiere of new Rowling Play in Coventry.
Belgrade Theatre is to host a new play by Rowling. "I've written 39 plays since the age of three," she confessed. "I kept it all secret. I am sooooo surprised." Reception is in the Masonic Hall.
Yet Another Book from Rowling.
Just out of hospital where she went to have her writing hand fixed Rowling is to release her latest effort A History of England in 14 volumes. "Been working on it since the age of six", she confessed.
After The Grief Pill ... the Conscience Pill.
After the grief pill scientists in the US have invented the "Conscience Pill". No more troublesome guilt! Governments around the world have expressed a keen interest.
Hugh Hefner the World's Most Hated Man
In a global internet poll Hugh Hefner has been declared the most hated man on the planet by all males over the age of thirteen and under the age of ninety.
George Bush has Vision
George Bush Senior, in hospital, told George Junior that he had had a "spiritual vision of the New World Order". Asked to describe, he said "it was all green and looked like George Washington."
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