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Showing snippets written by Ellis Ian Fields.


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Showing page 3 (of 7 pages)
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Renaissance poetry lovers - if you don't understand Italian, make sure you buy a relevant translation of Dante.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 14 December 2010
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Virgins - if you wish to maintain your status, avoid sexual congress.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 11 December 2010
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Guitarists: if you have an electric guitar, don't play it plugged in while bathing.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 10 December 2010
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Merkel Resists Eurozone Proposals

Doesn't fancy anyone and sees herself in the role of a German Elizabeth I - the Virgin Chancellor!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 December 2010
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Thought For The Day:

Shaving. Bah!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 05 December 2010
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Have another drink - it'll make you feel better.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 04 December 2010
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Going to Hell in a handcart? Not me! If I've gotta go, I'm going in a Maserati!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 03 December 2010
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Thought For The Day:

Ooh, look... snow!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 December 2010
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Women - be aware that telepathy is, in fact, extremely rare. Don't take a chance with the man in your life - if you want something, use spoken words, don't just think at him.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 December 2010
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Men - be careful, especially when shaving, not to slice open your carotid artery. It will not end well for you.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 December 2010
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Sombre Mood At UN Climate Talks.

"Well, the weather's rubbish - and did you hear? Leslie Nielsen died," said a spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 November 2010
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UK Will "Lose Fewer Public Jobs."

"That's right. We've developed a special labelling system so if you put them down somewhere, whoever finds them can see who they belong to," said top civil servant.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 November 2010
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Dunno about Mondays, Bob. I hate Tuesdays. Really. No - Really. Until I get me drink, anyway. Oh, and CSI:Miami. Well, it's nearly Wednesday then, innit?

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 November 2010
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So Farewell, Leslie Nielsen.

Forbidden Planet was a classic. It was based on Shakespeare's The Tempest, you know. I once played Ferdinand in that. Crap role.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 29 November 2010
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Top Tips

Always ensure you wear a pressurized pressure suit when venturing into outer space.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 November 2010
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Aha! So that's how you pronounce it... Laocoon! At last.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 27 November 2010
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To prevent drowning, hold breath when head is immersed in water.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 26 November 2010
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Thought For The Day:

Ooh, my bloody shoulder hurts!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 26 November 2010
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Working Abroad Seminar.

Conclusion: Some people are working abroad. Some aren't.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
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Ryanair Announce Cutbacks.

Latest "frills" to go include wings and radar.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
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Thought For The Day:

Golf! What's that all about? It's not even a 'good walk spoiled' for my mate - he uses a buggy. Lazy bugger!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
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So Farewell, Ingrid Pitt.

Cor! Didn't half fancy you in my teens in the 70's!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
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Greater Manchester Police To Axe 3,000 Posts

"It's all illegal fences and must come down immediately," said spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 22 November 2010
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Installing Microsoft Software On A New Laptop:

Aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 22 November 2010
Showing page 3 (of 7 pages)


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