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Showing snippets written by Nate John Won.


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Urban jungle - Tarzan moves to town

The famous Lord Greystoke moved to his Camden London residence this week. However, there were several reports regarding the disappearance of pets every time Greystoke uses his famous jungle call.

written by Nate John Won, 05 October 2009
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Treasure buried for future generations

A new government initiative was revealed today - over the last year, several secret batches of crystal and gold were buried around England. 'We need to think ahead,' said a Blue-party member.

written by Nate John Won, 05 October 2009
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Vowel infection at city restaurant

London's famous EAT IT bistro has temporarily closed,
following the discovery of a rampant strain of Vowel virus VV-IB. Several customers were served soap instead of soup, and coke instead of cake.

written by Nate John Won, 05 October 2009
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Revenge of the slugs?

The salt-covered body of another celebrity TV gardener has been found in a large barrel of beer. Due to the silvery trails left at the scene, police are questioning the Slug Protection League.

written by Nate John Won, 04 October 2009
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Big bag of misery

UK Explorer Harry 'Indiana' Davis came to a nasty end in Africa this week when he accidentally climbed inside the mouth of a giant caterpillar instead of his sleeping bag.

written by Nate John Won, 04 October 2009
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World's smelliest cheese on sale

The new formula 'fromage' can only be purchased from specialist delicatessens, in an air-tight container. Customers encouraged to a wear peg on the nose before consumption.

written by Nate John Won, 04 October 2009
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Imagine there's no orchestra

Jean-Luc Genton won the all Europe 'Air Conducting' competition today. The plucky Frenchman conducted
his way through Stravinsky's 'Rite of Spring' in front of an impressed audience of 2,000.

written by Nate John Won, 04 October 2009
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24 hours and counting

A middle-aged mum from Manchester was rushed to hospital in shock today after her '24 hours girdle' unexpectedly expired after only 22 hours. 'I will be returning it to the lingerie store,' she said.

written by Nate John Won, 04 October 2009
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Bring back the bucket and churn

A technician injured his back after slipping on a wet floor at the Wales Sterile Dairy Unit. Cynics blame EU directive and request a return to traditional cheese preparation - 'it's safer' they claim.

written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
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Green and pleasant land

Protests continue in middle England as Sir Rupert Bear - MP for Nutwood, leads a campaign to prevent the redevelopment of common ground. Dr. Edward Trunk to raise issue in parliament.

written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
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New 'wellcopop' drinks available

A new range of fruity 'wellcopop' drinks are claimed to act as a remedy to 'alcopop'. Sales are expected to rocket in student populations.

written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
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Return of the deadly dustbins?

Scientists believe that super-intelligent predators are responsible for the falling numbes of binmen. These cunning creatures look very much like wheelie-bins but can swallow a fully grown human.

written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
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Gone with the wind

A new antibiotic is commercially available for Scarlet Fever. In trials, subjects however experienced flatulence as a side effect. Frankly speaking, most subjects are reported not to 'give a damn'.

written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
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That's one in the eye

TV hypnotist 'Mindful Michael' was taken into care yesterday when he attempted to hypnotise a studio audience member wearing reflective contact lenses into a deep sleep.

written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
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Tea voted nation's favourite drink

For the 100th year running, tea has been voted by the UK as the top English drink. Eastern nations cynically suggest that fresh water is more appropriate.

written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
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Super-cali-poli-stitious...

Politicians have expressed an increase in superstitious behaviour in the run-up to elections. "The allegations are false," claimed a senior MP, "the ruling party are perfectly stable. Touch wood."

written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
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Software bug hits UK androids

Brit Android Industries, the UK's largest android supplier has been affected by a progran virus. Customers are requested to return any androids displaying human traits: selfishness, racism, violence.

written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
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New binary books for programmers

Online binary editions of classics may soon be accessed via the Binary Project website. Current titles include '00111100 000' and '11000100010' by Jane Austen.

written by Nate John Won, 01 October 2009
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Panic in BBC Newsrooms

The Big Ben clock-tower is shrinking. "It's a common feature of Westminster towers," says expert, and is associated with age. By 2015, we will have a Medium Ben."

written by Nate John Won, 01 October 2009
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Delicate dialect

New sets of English dialect GCSEs to be introduced to schools in the UK. West-Country, Geordie, Cockney and Brummie initially offered.

written by Nate John Won, 01 October 2009
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Knitting noodles

A UK grandma was presented with the 'Good Household' twin knitting and spaghetti-craft awards today, by creating the world's first edible cardigan.

written by Nate John Won, 01 October 2009
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Superhero news

The Inquisitor - the man who questions everything has been arrested for an alleged case of serious whichcraft.

written by Nate John Won, 30 September 2009
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Wizards 0 : Muggles 1

The Quillbury company - the main supplier of quills for Hogwarts School for Wizards and Witches has gone into liquidation. Pupils forced to use ballpoints. Parents fear influence of Muggle world.

written by Nate John Won, 30 September 2009
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TV Talent Gene-ius!

New 'desperation' gene identified in human genome. Genetic trials suggest that in 88 out of 100 cases, carriers are likely to enter a reality TV show or national TV talent contest.

written by Nate John Won, 30 September 2009
Showing page 3 (of 4 pages)


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