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Jackson Family Outraged Over Lack Of News Coverage
Joe Jackson said he was furious over the sudden lack of news coverage regarding his son, Michael's death. "I watched ever network yesterday and nothing! Total disrespect & racism. We're gonna sue."
Jackson's Remains To Be Sold On eBay
The family of Michael Jackson has decided to sell the famed singers remains of eBay. "They'll just be tiny pieces encased in a tasteful Lucite cube and get rid of his debt," said a family spokesman.
"Lame Duck" To Make Presidential Bid
The famed "AFLAC DUCK" reportedly will begin a assembling a campaign team as soon as he recovers from a broken leg. "Ask For Me At Work," will be his campaign slogan.
New TV For The Deaf Announced
It has only one volume setting..."EXTREMELY, HORRIDLY, EXCRUCIATINGLY LOUD." It's only available with a doctors prescription.
One Horrid Job, But It Got Better
Was being a "washer" at our local condom recycling plant, so I was reassigned to being a "tester," which was much, much better..
North Korean Dictator, New Weight Watchers Spokesman
Kim Jung-Il the despotic strongman of North Korea will the the new spokesman for Weight-Watchers. "Have you seen how much he's lost recently?" noted CEO Sharon A. Fordham. "He's a weight loss dream."
My next best seller
"I Am The Only Person In The World Who Never Knew Or Cared About Michael Jackson, A Personal Confession."
Sarah Palin to pose for Playboy
"Yup, I'm a Playboy kind of girl," said the ex-governor. But Palin won't be totally nude. "I'll be coverin' up my private parts with fish, Alaskan fish of course," she stressed. "Fresh fish."
Thousands flee Los Angeles in Jackson anger
They thought Michael Jackson was giving a rare concert. "A memorial service,?" said one outraged fan. "He's DEAD, like man, really DEAD? What a scam and rip off. He can stay dead without my help."
Palin to aid in SC serial killer hunt
However when the Ex. Governor was told it was a SERIAL killer, not CEREAL killer, she replied, "Never mind. Oooh, that sounds dangerous."
About My Brother
He was an only child and so lonely.
Miley Cyrus Sues Sound Alike
Miley Cyrus is suing an 83 year old,N.J.deli owner for plagiarizing her name. Ciley Myrus said he'd never heard of Cyrus, but said, "She's welcome to a blintz anytime." "What's a blintz?,"asked Cyrus.
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My Worst Job...
Was at a fire hydrant factory. Everywhere I parked they gave me a ticket.
My Biggest Achievement
Being the "life model" for the Oscar Meyer, WeinerMobile."
I Am Not A Heavy Smoker
I do smoke three packs a day but I only weigh 185 Lbs. Hey that's not heavy.
I Went To My Unemployment Office Today And...
Found everyone fired
The Economy Is So Bad
Even muggers can't find work.
The Greatest Practical Joke In The World
Hack into a hospital computer and change all the patient orders to Do Not Resuscitate. What fun!
My Family Was So Poor
They couldn't have children
Michael Jackson Was An Alien
Where else would he learn the "Moon Walk?" Makes sense to me!
Have You Seen Al Franken's Wife?
She must have been a hooker for the blind.
Could Jay Lenno Be Developing ADD?
Lately he can only count to 10! Very sad
SC Governor adds to our geography knowledge
We now know the Appalachian Trail really ends in Argentina.
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