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Jeremy Clarkson To Give Up Top Gear
Reeling from his front door, Jezza slipped due to shit dumped on his lawn by climate change activists. "I give up. I can't go on liking cars and going fast. This heroic act has changed my life".
You Can't Fiddle Quicker Than A Kwikfit Fiddler!
Who do they think they are? Members of Parliament?
"I Was Raped By A Celebrity" - says Jordan
"But I didn't realise it was rape until the cheque bounced".
Homosexuality Latest Fashion
At least, if you saw New York Fashion Week, you'd think so!
No Arms Getaway Driver Confesses
He held his hands up, say police.
Lost Symbol Found As Book Goes On Sale
Moon rock in Amsterdam museum is fake
So the moon must be a fake as well. Maybe we never actually went there. Hey - I wonder if anybody thought to check the mileage on the "lunar landers"?
Man kills neighbour's dog with hoe
Gaslight Sally, neighbourhood ho says Oops - misheard you!
George Michael Rear Ends Trucker
No British Government Conspiracy Theory Holds Water
Well, can you think of a politician with the skill, balls and imagination to come up with a good one? John Prescott? Gordon Brown? Lord Mangels............ well, maybe.
Michael Jackson's brain found!
Sections of the missing brain have been located inside the heads of recent Big Brother candidates, which goes some of the way to explaining why they are such fuckwits.
Army Rejects Gordon Brown's Visit To Afghanistan
"Well", said the Chief of the General Staff, "we couldn't protect him on the ground. I mean, we can't protect the lads, he only wants to visit to make himself look keen - so I told him to fuck off".
Lord Mangelson Introduces 9 Bob Note
That's queer, say commentators.
Human Sperm Produced In Laboratory
"Just goes to show - you can masturbate anywhere" reports red-faced, sweaty scientist clutching copy of Fiesta.
No Calls For Investigation Of Mothers Not Lying To Get Children Into Good Schools
It has been announced today to the amazement of all, that there will be no investigation of mothers who do not care about their "kids" education enough to lie for them.
Paedophile Gene Identified
We know where you live, Gene..........
Advert on The Spoof: Win The Complete Michael Jackson CD and DVD Collection
2nd Prize - 2 sets.
Andy Murray Not Britain's Tennis Messiah
"He's just a very naughty boy" says Mum.
King of Pop in Bleach overdose drama
Pathologist's report reckoned a whitewash.
New Speaker elected
We wanted a Woofer - but we got a Twitter!
MP Expenses - accommodation allowance scrapped
The governemnt has today announced that, since most MP's & peers will be spending time in secure accommodation, there is no further need for the second home allowance. Cell flipping is also banned.
It's somewhere near the top. Apparently.
Death inevitable new study shows
Scientists at UCLA report that, even if all scientific advice is followed and a miserable, high fibre, low fat, no booze lifestyle is adopted, death will still occur. Jane Fonda deeply disappointed.
Singer found dead
Sting has been found blown to pieces in suspected Tantric sex session that went on too long.
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