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Angie Merkel busted in Berlin!
It was not quite a "Reichsbunker" meltdown, but Angie Merkel's CDU got "blitzed" by the right-radical AFD party in a local election in Berlin. Aufwiedersehen Angie, willkommen AH!
Kenyan Athletes forced to go for a "Drug Run!"
Kenyan Olympic team were forced to live in a Brazilian Favela for 3 days because they had no money left for the tickets home. They earned their tickets back by "Drug Running" it's a new Olympic sport!
The Raping Reaper returns!
Sunderland FC have decided to put the final nail in their coffin by employing Moyes as their personal Reaper! He is doing a great job, only after 2 games David has already buried the hatchet!
BOJO wins gold Olympic medal at 'Butt-licking!'
New UK Foreign Secretary, BOJO, has wasted no time in proving to the world why May chose him! He has already won a gold Olympic medal at his fav sport, Buttlicking, before the games even started!
Rear end Turkish coup on Greek Island Lesbos!
President Erdogan annexed Greek Island Lesbos in a coup d état after repelling a revolution in Turkey! Gay/Lesbian Lesbos tourists fear it is the end and will now flock to the Isle of Man Instead!
Farage, Cameron, Bojo!
British, Bulldog, Bullshit!
Brexit drowns in Scotch Whisky!
Nicola Sturgeon has vowed to halt the Brexit by applying a Scottish veto because Scotch Whisky lovers refuse to pay 5op more for a wee dram, QUI, QUI, vive L'Ecosse!
Arsenal offer Cameron Arsene's job!
Sick of losing every year in Europe, Arsenal have offered ex UK Prime Minister, Cameron, Arsene Wenger's job because he only lost once!!
Farage pulls a pint of cats piss too many!
Thanks to Nigel Farage's dedication to boozing English cats piss the Euro Cent has dropped between the ears of other EU members! "We don't want English cats piss and we don't want those who drink it!"
Putin sits on his hooligan barbed wire fence!
After observing Russian & English hooligans fighting WW3 soccer style, Putin has warned both sets of morons that if Russian win, he will give them a medal! If the English win, he'll take them back!
English Footy hooligans win the Brexit!!
EU headquarters have made a dramatic U-turn in their support for the UK to remain in the Community. English hooligans rioting in France have made us all see the light! Please stay on your Island!
Brexit! The Solution!
Those who believe in Brexit please worship Nigel Farage! Not only is he a sheep in wolves clothing Nazi, he is also a total and utter Fucking Moron! Well done Nigel, Hitler would be proud of you!
Erskine Quint in "Journey to the centre of the cerebral cortex"
We finish the monumental journey of Erskine Quint, intrepid, incredible adventurer. When all is lost he is found in the year 2566 BC on top of an unfinished pyramid, where better to start THE END!
Special One replaces Senile One!
Man United have at last replaced The Senile One with a Special One! In fact this was the best unkept secret in this history of modern footy because Man City fans became suicidal many months before!
Jamie Vardy was abducted by aliens!!
Speedy Leicester striker, Jamie Vardy, was abducted by aliens and they transformed him from an amateur no-hoper into a world-beater! Louis van Gaal has begged Jamie for the alien address, guess why?
Swinging Prince Harry promises the Obama's a royal swing!
After their luxurious dinner at Kensington Palace, Prince Harry, has promised the Obamas an "after swing party" in Soho. Barack just cannot wait to see his missus "swinging" with Bojo!
Cameron not alone in his tax-free haven!
It seems that the worst form of satirical scumbag, Jaggedone & his dreaded CIA (Google it) can compete with Cameron by depositing his wealth under a sweaty Panama Hat. And you can vote for him too!
United announce; van Gaal to stay!
To quash any further BS written about United's glorious Dutch manager, LVG, the club said he will stay! Global hospitals where United fans tend to reside are being overwhelmed by suicide victims!
Beating Trump's Bush!
Jaggedone's CIA has exposed Trump's most loyal supporters by beating his Bush at the local loony bin in Boston, USA. They will all be voting for him, no doubt, because solidarity will win in the end!
Nigerians make $16 billion dollars vanish!
Nigerian magicians working with corrupt politicians have made $16 billion dollars vanish into thin air! This marvellous trick was so brilliant not even the local Witchdoctor noticed! Black Magic!
Sharapova, a grunt too many!
Famous grunting queen, Maria Sharapova, has told the truth about what drove her to grunting professionally, it was an overdose of viagra! Her sponsors, Nike & co, have given her "The Smash"!
The Pope is a Headbanger!
During his Mexican visit The Pope decided to bang his head against a US wall proving not only that he's a "Headbanger" but a hypocrite too because his home, The Vatican, has more walls than China!
Danish kiddies paradise Legoland is a nightmare for United!
Louis van Gaal took his bunch of multimillionaire superstars for a day out to Legoland. Sadly, Danish amatuer brickies build their walls slightly stronger and United's walls, made of crap, crashed!
Is Stephen really Wilde?
Stephen Fry claims he is the reincarnated Oscar Wilde, after his BAFTA disaster many believe he might be right, wild not Wilde!
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