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D&G ask the world to boycott Elton John!
Gay designers, Dolce & Gabbana, have asked the world to boycott gay Elton John because he is a gay dad and they couldn't have children! I wonder why?
South Africa offer penis transplants!
A successful penis transplant op in South Africa has caused an invasion of mainly Asian men hoping for an extension! Black men are also hoping for an op because their wives constantly feel the pain!
No more Top Gear just Flop Gear from now on!
Global iconic buffoonery show, Top Gear, has been hauled off the TV because Clarkson, who dared once to use the word N++++r believing it was funny, has slung a left hook at his producer, naughty chap!
3 teenage girls kidnapped by ISIS eagles!
Reports that 3 teenage girls voluntarily joined ISIS is not true! Fact is they were kidnapped by a squadron of swooping ISIS eagles whilst listening to Justin Bieber on their I phones, a deadly sin!
Terrorist attack Crufts!
A blatant terrorist attack at Crufts on a prize red setter has left the canine world devastated! Luckily the victim was not beheaded and will now become immortal because the owners are stuffing it!
Sensational clue in MH370 mystery!
After a year of investigation, investigators have divulged a sensational clue to the world about MH370, and here it is:
"We know nothing!"
Ryan Giggs loves Louis van Gaal!
There is no riff between King Louis and Ryan Giggs because Louis missus is too old!
Louis van Gaal's new tactic; spitting!
LVG introduced a secret weapon to his lame team hoping to please frustrated United fans; a spitting Llama! Away fans loved his debut at Newcastle and hope now they can spit their way into the top 4!
Nigel Farage's big Berlin Wall!
UKIP will build a huge wall around the UK if elected! They haven't decided which one, Texan/Mexican (too porous) or a Berlin style, but Farage's missus, a German ordered him to take BERLIN or be shot!
After causing a fire in Twickenham Nutella pots are now to be issued with a fire warning!!
Other glass pots not until they cause a fire too!
Burnt to a crisp like Jordan!
Sunbed after sunbed, beach after beach, white turning brown and red attempting to look like Jordan! Is it worth it? Ask your oncologist!
Sikh people save indigenous Brits!
The world has turned a full circle, Brits raped, pillaged and robbed during the RAJ and now Sikhs living in Britain are helping down and out Brits to get a decent meal! Double standards maybe?
Canadian MP's pants are too tight!
Pat Martin, Canadian MP, rushed out of a critical debate because his pants were too tight! He bought them at a renowned discounter called L++l and L++l never sell fart proof products, cheapskate!
Sacre Bleu! Chelsea yobs in Paris show true colours!
Moronic, racist, Chelsea fans abused a black commuter on the metro, sung a racist song in his face and threw him off the train! They showed their true colours, not BLUE power more like white power!
Italians racist? Never!
Arrigo Sacchi, Italian soccer coach has proved to the world what we knew already and dared not to mention, Italy are home to a bunch of racists and for further proof join the Lazio Roma hooligan club!
Martians kicking up dust on Mars (where else?)!
Cape Kennedy scientists observing massive clouds of dust on Mars have no clue why the planet is exploding, but secret reports from incarcerated inhabitants in Area 51 point to a Martian outburst?
Terrorist attack Legoland!
A bunch of brain-damaged juveniles attacked Legoland in Denmark today and after throwing fireworks at Tower Bridge were escorted out, before being thrown out they yelled; Internet is God not Lego!
True Brit, Bo Jo, is a damn Yank!
Mayor of London, staunch conservative, and true dark blue Brit, Bo Jo, is planning to become a Brit? Actually he is a Yank and we Brits really do not want him here!
A 'clit' too far!
Yoga pants revealing the outlines of womens clits and mens favourite toys are to be banned in London! "They are disgusting in public" claimed Reverend Sebastian Suckcock, but in my private study, WOW!
Cameron's new policy; moronic!
David Cameron's latest policy is to force all obese people, junkies, alcoholics, and other low life back to work! He has forgot one thing; nobody in their right mind wants to employ them!!
US is a drought stricken zone!
US scientists believing that the US could turn into one huge desert refuse to travel further north than Las Vegas; it rains too much there and those damn snow blizzards!
Smoking in cars in England, forbidden!!
From October 2015 it is no longer allowed to smoke in cars! Sex in the backseat, blow-jobs in the front seat will also be banned, but the police promise to be lenient as long as they can watch!
Louis van Gaal has long balls!
LVG has told the world he has long balls but only after 70 minutes, before that he prefers the short, sharp version whilst tea-bagging with the missus!
cockroach found in curry!
Punters eating at a Manchester Indian found a cockroach in their curry and asked why? The owner said, "we have no bleach to put down the bogs and I'd rather have roaches without bad breath anyway!"
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