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Cameron compares himself to Sir Winston!
On the 50th anniversary of Sir Winston Churchill's funeral, tosser, David Cameron, compared his achievements with the great wartime PM! People visiting his tomb swore they heard the ground tremble!
ISIS stop beheading!
Relieving news is reaching us from Iraq, ISIS have vowed not to behead anybody anymore, therefore they will kidnap babies and spike them on their bayonets; lovely bunch!
Diego Costa is a reincarnated pitbull!
Blood samples taken from Chelsea's Diego Costa have proven he has the genetic make up of a pitbull! Mourinho is thinking about buying Suarez so he can unleash an unbeatable canine duo into the EPL!
Apple make huge profits!
An apple a day obviously keeps the doctor away! The consumers of apples have created huge global profits and consumers are munching daily whilst spitting out "soft-micro maggots"!
Greece promise not to default!
The new governing party in Greece has promised not to default on its huge debt to the Euro zone and they are willing to pay back the debt with several million portions of Feta cheese!
German giants bash Tesco!
Giant Brit supermarket, Tesco, are closing 43 stores! One reason is they are being bashed by German giants, Lidl and Aldi! It seems the Brits love a cheap Bratwurst stuck in sauerkraut; Fraulein!
German Pegida not Nazis!
The latest paranoid group to protest against Islamism, German Pegida, are not Nazis they claim, but have offered UKIP several empty barracks in Auschwitz if the UK has too many Romanians!
Man City, Chelsea and Spurs implode!
Several top teams in the EPL imploded Saturday as low level teams plundered their back gardens. Chelsea boss Mourinho explained why; "FA Cup, no good, my rich boys not used to playing Untermenschen!"
LVG breaks bank!
Man United double Dutch manager, LVG, has broken the bank and offered to swap his team for the heroes of Cambridge United. They refused because playing under LVG is like learning quantum physics!
Cambridge United offer United University challenge!
Giant scalp hunters, Cambridge United, have offered the other United free studies at the famous university in learning social differences don't matter when there's a dodgy, level playing field!
CNN warn cash point queues!
CNN issue following warning: Do not approach rather plump Asian looking men waiting at global cash points; damn suicide bombers will do anything to finance their terror action, even stand in a queue!
Ferguson explodes because of colour blind killing!
A colour blind, armed police officer killed an unarmed youth who just happened to be black and was judged not guilty by a colour free court, now everything has gone black or white; non colours BTW!
Lewis Hamilton has fastest designer beard on the planet!
Without any Mercedes Benz know-how Lewis Hamilton has just been crowned "World Fastest Designer Beard Champion". He has a special trimmer in the form of a Siamese cat who licks him after every race!
New York now belongs to the Polar Circle!
The deep freeze hitting northeast US has forced Google Maps to enter the area into the Polar circle. Eskimos and Polar Bears were seen playing in the snow after deserting their global-warmed homeland!
ISIS is not headless!
Rebel fighters fighting ISIS have confirmed the fact that they are not a bunch of headless chickens, however, they are a bunch of loony headbangers who love giving head!
Oh, BTW, United have now been reincarnated!
Dead, buried Man United have been renamed Lazarus after a miracle happened in London. They actually beat someone on away terrain and their manager Louis v Gaal has been renamed Jesus in double Dutch
The ghost of Jaggedone is alive!
Ex-Spoof writer, Jaggedone, now a ghostly 'Fata Morgana' has been reincarnated and declared an immortal Spoofer after confirming that people still read his utter crap, WOW!
Is there anybody out there?
Alarming news report: The Spoof UK has just capsized in the Med attempting to enter Europe, Italy refuse to help because there is a rumoured outbreak of 'writers empathy' on board a deadly disease!
Headless chicken appears on internet!
A headless chicken has appeared on internet, they believe it is a Man U player running around in circles not knowing what the hell to do next! Double Dutch lessons needed!
Balotelli learns Scouse!
Italian rascal, super Mario, landed in Liverpool only to find nobody understands his Italio English! He is now taking lessons in 'scouse' because nobody understands what the hell he is doing there!
Angel lands in Manchester!
Argentinian Angel lands in Manchester as United fans hope for a miracle. City fans believe it is a "Fata Morgana" (I agree)
Louis loses and Holland sinks without trace!
Dutch people are preparing for life having a loser at the helm of a once so successful, juggernaut. He was their last hope of achieving success and now it sinks in a North Sea storm, they need a dyke!
Fellaini bags last minute Brussel Sprout!
Man Utd were saved by a much maligned Belgian who in the last minute bagged a Brussel sprout and shot down a bunch of Oranges. Idiots jeering his every move also were made to swallow their crap!!
Obama declares war on Putin!
Barack Obama has declared war on Putin because he prefers to attack an enemy he knows rather than one who he hasn't the foggiest idea who the hell ISIS are!
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