Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.Show all snippets.
Wonder drug comes too late for Jaggedone!
Scientists have developed a drug that stops neurodegenerative brain diseases, including dementia! Who the fuck is Jaggedone???
written by Jaggedone, 20 April 2017
Giant iceberg causes meltdown among global drink companies!
A giant iceberg struck the coast of Canada causing a meltdown between global drink giants. Red Bull, Coca Cola, etc, tried but to buy it, but a Scotch whisky giant called it Titanic and won the race!
written by Jaggedone, 19 April 2017
Celebs should never say never!
John Cleese is the latest celeb to eat his words after crawling back to the BeeB. He will play a gay Basil Fawlty who falls in love with Manuel and divorces Sybil; promises to be a bender!
written by Jaggedone, 14 April 2017
Excuses, excuses, excuses, Arsene's excuses to be published!
Arsene Wenger is to publish a book about all of his perennial loser, historical excuses! The Crystal Palace slaughterhouse proved last night how right he is; always blame the others, never yourself!
written by Jaggedone, 11 April 2017
Indian monkeys much better parents than humans!
An Indian girl was discovered in a monkey family and it seems her habits are much better than children with human parents! No smartphones, no junk food, no tantrums; Monkey Business is much better!
written by Jaggedone, 08 April 2017
Dutch druggist chain adopt Hitler as their flagship logo!
Now we all knew the Dutch were slightly outrageous but now the druggist chain, Kruidfart, have proved to the world what we all knew; they're a bunch of pot-smoking nutters (Not Nazis!)
written by Jaggedone, 06 April 2017
German giants pull plug on Brexit Britain!
Aldi and Lidl, German giants have had enough of Brexit bullshit and closed all of their shops in the UK in a "Blitskrieg" action! Harrods, owned by Arabs, are also thinking of moving to Frankfurt!
written by Jaggedone, 30 March 2017
Brazil support vegetarians by flogging rotten meat!
In a perverse manner by "killing 2 cows with 1 meat hook" Brazil are now the "Messiah" of healthy living by flogging rotting meat to the world! A genial way to make the world vegetarian!
written by Jaggedone, 18 March 2017
LED's punch these lights out!
LED streetlamps cause insomnia! Yes, especially if humans forget to close their curtains, pull the blinds down, or sleep outdoors! Mind you sex under LED lamps aint bad!
written by Jaggedone, 13 March 2017
Turkish Kebab restaurants in Holland go up in flames!
Dutch / Turkish diplomatic relationships have hit rock bottom, why? It's all about a "Turkish storm brewing in a Dutch teacup" Nothing more!
written by Jaggedone, 12 March 2017
Spitfires, Erskine Quint & Dr Who prove Made in Britain is best!
Sublime British eccentricity will prove to the world that "Made in Britain" is still the best! Restored Spitfires, Erskine Quint and Dr Who (who?) will never crash! Mad dogs & Englishmen rule!
written by Jaggedone, 11 March 2017
No sex in the UAE unless you are married!
UAE Sheikhs have forbidden sex among foreign, unmarried partners, if caught, you'll end up in prison! The Sheikhs however, have Harems in their palaces and marriage is the last thing on their minds!
written by Jaggedone, 08 March 2017
Red light districts take on new meaning in Australia!
Traffic lights in Australia have now been liberated and tiny female figures will appear with their male colleagues! Transvestites and transgenders are over the moon, especially when they turn red!
written by Jaggedone, 07 March 2017
Big Ben's Bong is UK Eurovision entry 2017!
UK government have allowed the Big Ben Bong to be UK's 2017 entry for Eurovision! Theresa May is confident the Bong will win and show Europeans that British is best. The bell was Made in Germany BTW!
written by Jaggedone, 02 March 2017
EX-pat aliens saved by the Lord (s)!
If Theresa May had her way, ex-pats living in Europe would become unwanted aliens! Thank the Lord there are the Lords to put her to the sword and thwart her bullshit rhetoric; Amen!
written by Jaggedone, 01 March 2017
Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got a dog in my tummy! Is it a sharks world!
The answer is obvious; if stupid owners let their pooch chase sticks in shark infested waters on a leash free beach in Aussie; they could end up in a Great White's belly!
written by Jaggedone, 28 February 2017
96$ and you get a Kim Mark II in the box!
"Pay peanuts, get monkeys" Ancient North Korean proverb proves Kim Jong Un right!
written by Jaggedone, 25 February 2017
Claudio Ranieri wins English 2017 "Sack Race!"
An unexpected rank outsider has won England's annual 2017 Sack Race, Claudio Ranieri! He won the title alone after being a mega-winner twice, 1st time the Premiership, 2nd time lining his pocket!
written by Jaggedone, 24 February 2017
David Cassidy; who?
Ageing pop star and member of the Cuckoo, Turkey, Chicken, bla, bla Family (Now what the fuck was their name?) has admitted he has forgotten who he is, thank heavens we have too!
written by Jaggedone, 21 February 2017
Russian billionaire hits Rock of Gibralter with his super-yacht!
Russian billionaire, Andrey Melnichenko, hit the rock of Gibralter with his super-yacht after failing to pay a paltry $16 million bill to a German company! Monkey nuts to some, Coconuts to others!
written by Jaggedone, 20 February 2017
My Friend Cayla and Chucky join dark forces!
It seems dolls aint quite what they used to be as My Friend Cayla and Chucky joined dark forces to scare the crap out of kiddies hooked on the internet! Satan has great ways of curing mobile madness!
written by Jaggedone, 18 February 2017
Eurovision Song Contest; no more!!
The Annual Atrocity Exhibition, The Eurovision Song Contest is no more, doctors and scientists claim it is a health hazard causing vomiting, nausea, heart-attacks and high blood pressure and earache!
written by Jaggedone, 15 February 2017
Kim Jong-UN is a reincarnated Blofeld!
Bond enemy, Blofeld, + white pussy, has been reincarnated and is now Kim Jong-Un! Sean Connery reacted on his 83rd birthday and sung a U2 classic, "with or without me You're a loser and mega pants!"
written by Jaggedone, 12 February 2017
Qatar finance minister claims slaves are just too damn expensive!
$500 million bucks a day is the price of hosting the World cup 2022 and Ali al-Emadi claims it's the slaves fault who are demanding wages; Allah forbid! Wages for slaves, never, whip the infidels!
written by Jaggedone, 08 February 2017