Showing snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Excuses, excuses, excuses, Arsene's excuses to be published!
Arsene Wenger is to publish a book about all of his perennial loser, historical excuses! The Crystal Palace slaughterhouse proved last night how right he is; always blame the others, never yourself!
Indian monkeys much better parents than humans!
An Indian girl was discovered in a monkey family and it seems her habits are much better than children with human parents! No smartphones, no junk food, no tantrums; Monkey Business is much better!
Dutch druggist chain adopt Hitler as their flagship logo!
Now we all knew the Dutch were slightly outrageous but now the druggist chain, Kruidfart, have proved to the world what we all knew; they're a bunch of pot-smoking nutters (Not Nazis!)
German giants pull plug on Brexit Britain!
Aldi and Lidl, German giants have had enough of Brexit bullshit and closed all of their shops in the UK in a "Blitskrieg" action! Harrods, owned by Arabs, are also thinking of moving to Frankfurt!
Brazil support vegetarians by flogging rotten meat!
In a perverse manner by "killing 2 cows with 1 meat hook" Brazil are now the "Messiah" of healthy living by flogging rotting meat to the world! A genial way to make the world vegetarian!
LED's punch these lights out!
LED streetlamps cause insomnia! Yes, especially if humans forget to close their curtains, pull the blinds down, or sleep outdoors! Mind you sex under LED lamps aint bad!
Turkish Kebab restaurants in Holland go up in flames!
Dutch / Turkish diplomatic relationships have hit rock bottom, why? It's all about a "Turkish storm brewing in a Dutch teacup" Nothing more!
Spitfires, Erskine Quint & Dr Who prove Made in Britain is best!
Sublime British eccentricity will prove to the world that "Made in Britain" is still the best! Restored Spitfires, Erskine Quint and Dr Who (who?) will never crash! Mad dogs & Englishmen rule!
No sex in the UAE unless you are married!
UAE Sheikhs have forbidden sex among foreign, unmarried partners, if caught, you'll end up in prison! The Sheikhs however, have Harems in their palaces and marriage is the last thing on their minds!
Red light districts take on new meaning in Australia!
Traffic lights in Australia have now been liberated and tiny female figures will appear with their male colleagues! Transvestites and transgenders are over the moon, especially when they turn red!
Big Ben's Bong is UK Eurovision entry 2017!
UK government have allowed the Big Ben Bong to be UK's 2017 entry for Eurovision! Theresa May is confident the Bong will win and show Europeans that British is best. The bell was Made in Germany BTW!
EX-pat aliens saved by the Lord (s)!
If Theresa May had her way, ex-pats living in Europe would become unwanted aliens! Thank the Lord there are the Lords to put her to the sword and thwart her bullshit rhetoric; Amen!
Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got a dog in my tummy! Is it a sharks world!
The answer is obvious; if stupid owners let their pooch chase sticks in shark infested waters on a leash free beach in Aussie; they could end up in a Great White's belly!
96$ and you get a Kim Mark II in the box!
"Pay peanuts, get monkeys" Ancient North Korean proverb proves Kim Jong Un right!
Claudio Ranieri wins English 2017 "Sack Race!"
An unexpected rank outsider has won England's annual 2017 Sack Race, Claudio Ranieri! He won the title alone after being a mega-winner twice, 1st time the Premiership, 2nd time lining his pocket!
David Cassidy; who?
Ageing pop star and member of the Cuckoo, Turkey, Chicken, bla, bla Family (Now what the fuck was their name?) has admitted he has forgotten who he is, thank heavens we have too!
Russian billionaire hits Rock of Gibralter with his super-yacht!
Russian billionaire, Andrey Melnichenko, hit the rock of Gibralter with his super-yacht after failing to pay a paltry $16 million bill to a German company! Monkey nuts to some, Coconuts to others!
My Friend Cayla and Chucky join dark forces!
It seems dolls aint quite what they used to be as My Friend Cayla and Chucky joined dark forces to scare the crap out of kiddies hooked on the internet! Satan has great ways of curing mobile madness!
Eurovision Song Contest; no more!!
The Annual Atrocity Exhibition, The Eurovision Song Contest is no more, doctors and scientists claim it is a health hazard causing vomiting, nausea, heart-attacks and high blood pressure and earache!
Kim Jong-UN is a reincarnated Blofeld!
Bond enemy, Blofeld, + white pussy, has been reincarnated and is now Kim Jong-Un! Sean Connery reacted on his 83rd birthday and sung a U2 classic, "with or without me You're a loser and mega pants!"
Qatar finance minister claims slaves are just too damn expensive!
$500 million bucks a day is the price of hosting the World cup 2022 and Ali al-Emadi claims it's the slaves fault who are demanding wages; Allah forbid! Wages for slaves, never, whip the infidels!
Hair causes friction between US and Holland!
Geert Wilders, Dutch racist populist, claims his hair is better than Trump's bunch! Angry Trump replied, "where the fuck is Holland?" Geert replied, "I thought you studied US slave history!"
Fishnets or no fishnets, once a "hooker" always a "hooker!"
An Aussie pensioner has found a new "Hooker Mate" after the last one died; sadly, his new "Hooker Mate" lives 1600 miles away, but old fishers never die they just shake their worms and hook up!
Prince of Darkness empties his closet!
Rattling skeleton bones and skulls, Ozzy Osbourne has admitted he's not the Prince of Darkness! In face he's so demented he doesn't even know who Satan is and calls himself now "Prince of Pussies!"
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