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Rooney only gets a 3 week holiday!
England flop, Wayne Rooney, is distraught because he booked 4 weeks in a 6 star hotel in Vegas, now he only has 3 poor chap! England fans claim he has a holiday all year after his flop in Brazil!
Jimmy Saville did not have sex with the dead!
BBC DJ's claim that Jimmy Saville never had sex with the dead because they witnessed him only having sex with the new born!
Pedophile politicians blame the sixties sex revolution!
Pedophile politicians running for their lives or dead already are blaming flower power for their misdemeanours, hippy culture they say, allowed them to fiddle with anything walking on 2 legs or more!
BBC fall into summer black hole!
No news is good news so the BBC decided to headline FGM as their main news item. Hoardes of young African girls were last seen being bunged into containers heading for Sierra Leone!
Tour de France starts in UK!
As a show of 'entente cordiale' the Tour de France will start in the UK. Confused riders were last seen heading towards Scotland?
England declared hot spot!
A rare 27 degrees was recorded in London and immediately Cameron declared his beloved island a 'hot spot' while Spanish outbound flights reached record levels! Politicians are full of Cojones!
Fellaini gets boot from United!
Flop Fellaini has been given the boot by United, not a golden boot BTW, instead he received a Dutch clog in the crutch!
Suarez caught humming Liverpool hymn!
Dental surgeon Luiz Suarez was seen humming 'you'll never walk alone' Liverpool FC hymn by himself all alone while Liverpool fans, not alone, were seen jumping off the 'Ferry across the Mersey!
Barcelona bite bullet!
FC Barcelona have decided to 'bite the bullet' and pay 75 million quid for a South American lama, great deal, he spits too!
England drop Rooney!
Roy Hodgson has dropped Rooney in the shit because he's crap!
England win World Cup!
It is the first time England have won anything since 1966 and now we can all be very proud of our national heroes because it's in the bag; England finished first in the Tiddlywinks WM in Katmandu!
Gossip: Man United sign 5000 new players!
Man United are signing 5000 new players according to the gossip columns; well they certainly need them!
Polish, Indian and Pakistan, etc, immigrants rush to join Customs!
Members of other ethnic minorities living in the UK have been rushing to join the Customs Authorities because they don't like Rumanians/Bulgarians either and refuse to share a piece of the cake!
Merkel wlecomes UKIP into Europe!
Angie Merkel has welcomed UKIP into Europe with open arms because now other Europeans can call Brits Nazis instead of pointing the finger every time a Rumanian is refused asyl in Germany!
UKIP leader accepts the fact he's a top wanker!
After making huge strides in the European elections, the UKIP leader has officially declared that he's a top wanker now just like Cameron and Clegg!
UKIP bomb Romania
Lancaster bombers have been spotted over Romania, The Romanian airforce were caught with their pants down because their wives were too busy making elastic bands in Birmingham!
French police raid Calais
Asylum seekers in Calais hoping to reach England and mega benefits have been raided by French police, put in straight jackets and shipped off to loony bins; UKIP ordered the attack!
King Louis and Giggsy in a 'joint venture'
Ryan Giggs met King Louis van Gaal over a joint (venture) or two in Holland today and Giggsy left the hotel as a high as a kyte after being given the job as senior back-stabber for the coming season!
Hitler moustache is now OUT!
The popular Hitler moustache is now OUT in Austria and been replaced by a super Tranny supporting a full beard. Austrian men have at last found their feminine side and Hitler turned in his grave!
Gillette have been banned by Austrian men
Shaving experts, Gillette, are not welcome in Austria after a Tranny with a beard won a shit song contest, Austrian men are now demanding that every male must come out and wear a beard in solidarity!
van Gaal is Double Dutch!
Louis van Gaal is Double Dutch, the Man Utd choice to replace Moyes has told the English press to stuff themselves already proving that he is insane enough to take the job!
Transvestites without bears banned from gay bars in Vienna!
Tranvestites must wear beards if they wish to enter the gay world in Vienna, if they attempt to enter a gay bar shaven they will be rejected because it is too feminine!
New Wave rolls across Europe; the gay, bearded, transvestite look!
A new fashion has hit Europe and many men are now dressing up as women and growing beards, the fashion started in Vienna after Mozart was depicted in an evening dress with his wig stuck on his chin!
Beards are in in Austria!
Unshaven tranis are the new Viennese delight!
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