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Showing snippets written by Mary Hinge.


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Ironing a chore? Not any more!

Experts say make your steam iron glide effortlessly over your clothes by filling it with vegetable oil instead of water.

written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
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Spectacle wearers get ready for war

Spectacle wearers are being urged to orepare for any forthcoming conflict by putting crosses of masking tape across the lenses of their glasses.

written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
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Time Team Shake up and about time too.

Time Team producers said they would get more done in the 3 day time limit by getting Baldrick and that lazy fucker with the wispy white hair and stripey jumper to do some fucking work.

written by Mary Hinge, 26 June 2009
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Boring neighbours advice.

Dissuade humorous neighbours from saying 'you can do mine next! when you're cleaning your car by keeping a hammer in your pocket and starting to batter your windscreen when you see them approaching.

written by Mary Hinge, 26 June 2009
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No nasty taste in my mouth again.

When posting faeces to Her Majesty the Queen (or other famous personalities, such as Gareth Gates), avoid getting poo on your tongue by using self-sealing envelopes.

written by Mary Hinge, 26 June 2009
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Lost Luggage ' Tough luck travellers'

British Airways are going to avoid paying compensation for lost luggage by simply ignoring emails and letters.A spokesmand said 'Hopefully it wont be worth travelers bothering to persue us in court'

written by Mary Hinge, 07 May 2009
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Dog Owners great idea.

Dont ever lose your TV remote control again.Simply tape it to your dog and hey presto! Whistle,and the device is at your beck and call! This can also apply to hot drinks, after intense training.

written by Mary Hinge, 07 May 2009
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Google Earth Exciting New Fun

Recreate the danger of a parachute jump in safety by visiting Google Earth and clicking the scroll bar until you reach the ground. Add realism to the exercise by putting a fan on blowing in your face.

written by Mary Hinge, 07 May 2009
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Hells Angels ' You Look Hard '

Bikers Remember to give a huge blip of your throttle when stopping at the pub.This will remind patrons outside that you master a beast likely to burst into life at any moment of its own volition.

written by Mary Hinge, 07 May 2009
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Dont look like a dumb ass.

IF you fall over backwards in the street, avoid embarrassment by pretending that you are re-creating Charlie George's 1971 FA Cup goal celebration for Arsenal against Liverpool.

written by Mary Hinge, 07 May 2009
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God will still anoy more people... just for a giggle.

God will for added entertainment, will make sure the wind is blowing from behind as grannies leave the hairdressers.

written by Mary Hinge, 07 May 2009
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God to anoy more people just for fun

God will annoy cyclists by making sure that the wind is blowing in their faces whatever direction they cycle in.

written by Mary Hinge, 07 May 2009
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Lost Luggage ' Tough luck travellers'

British Airways are going to avoid paying compensation for lost luggage by simply ignoring emails and letters.A spokesmand said 'Hopefully it wont be worth travelers bothering to persue us in court'

written by Mary Hinge, 07 May 2009
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Catholic birth contol latest

Catholic men were urged today to get reluctant wives to swallow, by making them eat halloumi cheese to get them used to the taste.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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MI5 and FBI use new spy deterent

Spy chiefs have decided that a Post-It notes stuck beneath the noses of their agents is an ideal deterrent to lip-reading spys.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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Tramps to get real beds

Disgarded pallets were told today make ideal 'designer futons' for style-conscious tramps.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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Alcoholics dont panic help is at hand

Alcoholics were told today: Don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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Careful what you wipe your arse with warning

Health chiefs warn to check that your wife has not accidentally left Flash Toilet Wipes on top of the cistern instead of the usual Andrex moist bum wipes will avoid cross words and marital discord.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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Ray Mears To fight obesity

Cuddly Ray Mears has decided to lose those extra pounds by not constantly grazing on grass and leaves like some kind of prize-winning cow.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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New Skateboarders warning will save nasty injuries:

Stop your trousers from falling halfway down your arse by wearing a strip of perforated leather with a buckle around your waist.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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Real Ale Drinkers Fight Back

In a bid to rid pubs of cheap beer, real ale drinkers are convincing bar staff that their pints are off by sticking their fingers up their arse before holding the glass close to the barman's nose.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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Stamp out Fatties

Fat people are being advised to take a tip from smokers and stop their cravings for chips by Sellotaping a crisp to the top of their arm each morning.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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Cure for Asian Bird Flu

Asian Bird Flu it has been found could be quickly and easily eradicated by adding a few drops of Lemsip or Daynurse to birdbaths. Obviously, you would have to put Nightnurse in the birdbaths for owls.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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Obese need to learn to blend in

"Your overloaded plate is more likely to go undetected if you don't sing, whistle or hum with delight at the buffet," warned food fanatic Gordon Ramrod.

written by Mary Hinge, 01 April 2009
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