Showing snippets written by Roy Turse.
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It's Coming Home, It's Coming Home, It's Coming...
The-usual-bloody-frustration-and-panic-about-getting-through-the-Group-Stage, is Coming Home
Imagine my embarrassment
When I realised I'd bought a B-flat Vuvuzela and everyone else was playing in concert pitch.
BP Board tell CEO Tony Hayward:
Don't use phrases like "There are plenty more fish in the sea" or "Pouring oil on troubled waters" until further notice.
I've asked everyone else who uses this washroom...
..so this must be Occam's razor.
Teacher and BNP member Adam Walker
has been cleared of racism charges by the General Teaching Council. He joined Nick Griffin in toasting his victory with a glass of Newcastle Pale Ale.
When asked who should play Glastonbury in place of U2
Bono's doctors suggested Spinal Tap
RIP Ventriloquist Ray Alan
Gone to a getter clace
Rage Against the Machine single vies with X-Factor winner for Xmas top spot
Sony must be laughing all the way to the bank - I expect there will be a version of 'Killing in the Name' on Joe McElderry's debut album.
Following the safety scares about pushchairs...
It's good to see that Maclaren finally got their finger out.
Some good news resulting from the poor economy:
The price of skyrockets is coming down at last.
Calling all tragic fatal practitioners of auto-erotic asphyxiation:
Is it really worth it to have gone out knowing you were well hung?
Jacqui Smith Gives Resignation Speech Outside Her Home.
Unfortunately, the press were not in attendance as they had all gone to the wrong address.
June 2009, and China shuts down access to Twitter.
After corporate productivity increases by 20%, the rest of the world wishes they could follow suit.
Woman Who Played Harp at Royal Wedding Charged with Burglary and Fraud
But she claims to have mitigating circumstances - she claims she was harpist at the time.
The Met Office Announces a 50% Chance of Above Average Summer Temperatures
What did they do, toss an £80Million coin?
Jane Asher has agreed to donate her brain to medical science
She hopes scientists will be able to discover more about the cause of Mr Kipling's Disease
Gordon Brown has been heavily criticised for the resent smears.
But he said his handwriting always looks like that.
Red Mercury for Sale - $60 per Kilogram
1998 Mystique in Toreador Red curb weight 1284Kg, hence $77040. Buyer collects.
Jensen Button Claims Pole in Malaysia.
Geography experts disagree.
MP Hazel Blears has said that Jonathan Ross should pay the BBC's £150,000 fine.
He says he will, as soon as MP's repay their unwarranted expenses.
Jamie Oliver has proudly shown off his new daughter Petal Blossom Rainbow.
She has been named after a Sainsbury's toilet tissue multi-pack as part of his sponsorship deal.
The story of the baby birds that can do arithmetic was faked, admit researchers in Italy.
They cheated by using a 'chick magnet' to move the baby birds around.
The US FDA have announced the recall of Californian pistachio products.
There are concerns they have become contaminated. And not with tachio.
A Russian cosmonaut says that non-American crew are not being allowed to use the US toilet and exercise bike.
But, he says, once he realised it was a single device, he was less interested in using it.
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