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Royals No Ball Game...!
Ex Royal spokeswoman Jane Andrews reveals that Sepp Blatter told her that England would not host the World Cup unless Queen in waiting, Kate Middleton, slept with members of the FIFA governing body.
Canine Flu Scare...!
Following the deaths of hundreds of Dingos the WHO have issued a red alert flu warning after the virus entered the human domain following beastiality acts by Australians on their native dogs.
Scots Scupper England Bid...!
It has emerged from an FA inquiry that Birmingham City's Scottish faction deliberately ignited the violence at St. Andrew's in a bid to ensure that England would not hold the World Cup in 2018.
Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg has "come out" with the confession that he wishes to engage in a dominatrix relationship with Tory co leader David Cameron in which he will be the boss!
Doddy Goes to Number 10
On the back of David Cameron's "happiness" survey veteran entertainer Ken Dodd will assess the nations views. Dodd will focus on the possibility of tax reductions with lessons on evasion!
Linden Lab Lags
Following an online survey of UK Second Lifer avatars Linden Labs have confirmed what many already know...
UK gamers are online virtually 24/7 except to sign on, collect benefits, shop and go home!
A Royal Blush...!
During her brief separation from Prince William, Kate Middleton has revealed that she had sordid sex sessions with playboy footballer Andy Carroll. She now admits "it was a bit of an own goal!"
Millions Look To France and Switzerland...!
News that UK gas and electricity prices are set to rise above inflation, many Brits are looking to buy into the services of the Hadron Collider to solve rising energy bills at 0.000000000001p per unit
Ferguson - Rooney Scam!
Reports from Old Trafford suggest that both Sir Alex Ferguson and Wayne Rooney colluded in setting up the stars huge wage hike plus further cash for future signings by "screwing" owners, the Glazers.
Cut Throat Cuts
Following news that UK leaders Cameron and Clegg cannot find any more public spending cuts to make they have announced a suicide pact that will see them cut their own throats via the uk10.gov webcam.
Overseas Doctors in Benefit Fraud Link!
The Lancet reveals that foreign doctors are deliberately misdiagnosing extended family and friends allowing them to claim UK benefits which costs the UK "middle class" £11 billion per year in taxes.
"IT Men Not Men says Which
In a Which survey 8 out of 10 men said they prefer IT - that is prefer - sitting at a glorified typewriter all day rather than doing a real man's job like Ice Truck Driving, Building and Plumbing.
Hadron Collider Latest
Recent tests in Switzerland show that time travel will be realised by 2015. UK PM David Cameron has issued a statement "...that the country will no doubt be empty by 2016...!"
British PM Announces School Youth Conscription!
"Big Society" British PM, David Cameron has announced plans to introduce a "Cammer's Youth" organisaton for UK male youths aged 14-19. A white male only diploma doctrine in anti Asianism starts 2011.
"Balls on Nuts!"
"The tastiest testicles in my opinion probably belong to Damian McBride, Gordon Brown, children and young people - although other people have their own favourites."
The Flip Side of Sam Allardyce!
Following "Big Sam's" outburst as a self appointed continental manager and future England boss has led to him been admitted to the Acute Mental Health unit in the Blackburn Royal Infirmary.
Cheri, Cheri Baby!
Ex UK premier Tony Blair is to become a father again. Wife Cheri has announced she is 8 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. The new addition to the Blair household is to be named Blah Blah after her dad.
World 33stone Lighter - Obesity Global Warming Link!
Cyril Smith RIP - "Global Warming delayed by three minutes" say scientists..."the world is a lighter place and is spinning faster on it's axis - we need to kill off the obese to save the planet"
Knitty Nut Admits Work Place Stress Syndrome!
Jane Fraser-Cross has admitted that knitting the Premiers daughter's christening shawl was the most stressfull work she has done in her life. Cameron commented "no wonder the old twat looks so young"
Obama - Losing It...Admission
The alleged most powerfull Homo Sapien on the planet has finally admitted he has lost the plot - "I only want a mosque at ground zero to secure my next term in my renamed Black House"
East European/Asian Demography Demand!
Population shifts and natural disasters in under populated countries have lead to an SOS for "people". Relocation incentives include free healthcare, UK type "social" benefits and legalised brothels.
Chelsea Clinton To Marry Banker Wanker!
Following her failure to "land" Chelsea's John Terry, Chelsea Clinton has returned to former lover Marc Mezvkinsky, one of the investment wankers that brought the UK to its knees circa 2009.
UK Royal And Aristocracy Cuts On The Way!
UK PM David Cameron has announced that he is to rip up the UK Civil List as part of his "Big Society" policy. His bold decision will actually put the UK economy back in the black by 300bn pounds!
Gaga - Boyle Unison On The Cards!
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta aka Lady Gaga is planning a marriage proposal to Subo aka Susan "the man" Boyle in the next leap year 2012 following the announcement that they are to sing together!
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