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So what do President Obama and Prime Minister Cameron have in common (apart from jelly backs)
Calumny and detraction.
Anarchy Rules Okay
US President Barack Obama has just signed legislation abolishing all forms of law enforcement in continental America. Experts predict the resultant anarchy to begin probably about NOW. Flee!!!
Previously thought dead, legendary rocker,Elvis Presley, has been sighted working in a wheat silo north of Augusta, GA. When approached, he downed tools and sprinted for the nearest hamburger joint.
Tora tora tora
A band of Japanese wrestlers have overtaken a small farming village in Iceland in protest at the lack of any supplies of saki. One of the wrestlers bit the ear of a local hotelier to make an example.
Deve has to go
Famous late night talk show host, Deve Latterbloke, has announced he's quitting and will run for the American Vice Presidency in 2016. "Regrets, I've had a few but nothing compares to you" he said.
The Continuing Story of Barack Obama (or Why I Never Got to Drive My Pappy's Car Because He Hated My Trousers)
President Barack Obama would rather be a movie star.
A quantity surveyor from Watford has confessed to eating 57 chicken drumsticks a day since 1973. His wife claims to be ignorant of this revelation however she is legally blind and unable verify this
Lost and found
Antarctic adventurer, Silas Fogbottom, has been found after authorities searched the icy zone on Saturday. Yes, you guessed it, he was found in junk food restaurant in New Jersey. Some adventure, huh?
A self employed man from Huddersfield claims to have developed special powers that enable him to travel in time. "I've just come back from the 16th century" he bragged to a friend. Call a doctor now!!
Duke could soon be a duchess
HRH The Duke of Edinburgh has refused to comment on rumours that he is currently undergoing hormone treatment on the way to becoming a woman. The 90 year old Prince is tired of being a consort to Liz.
Members of an Australian cult worshipping kangaroo droppings, have been arrested for congregating on an outback highway where a small dump was located by believers.Shouldn't they go back to tealeaves?
Obama's little joke
Missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 has just landed on the front lawn of the White House in Washington DC. President Obama greeted the passengers saying "now we can let all the world in on joke."
MH370 has been found
Missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 has been located and found to have landed successfully on the island of Madagascar where the passengers embarked and were included in a new musical production.
Willy make it
"I've lost my willy, somebody help!" cried the General Secretary of the United Nations as he emerged from his hotel room. Police found his willy eventually and he returned to restful sleep. Good God!
The missing Malaysian Airlines flight bound for Beijing has been located on a private runway in Palm Springs USA. Apparently the trip was classed as a "mystery flight" and the passengers had no idea.
Lucky man honoured
Gregor von Trondheim, a german dustman, has been awarded his country's highest decoration (for dustmen). He has been given the medal for best dress in a demanding role. "I'm flattered" he admitted.
From the ditch to the balcony
A used car salesman from Greenwich has been chosen as the next GB Ambassador to France. "Who? Me? What did I do?" the astonished individual, named Dave, replied when told the news. Good luck fella!
A Reading man has been accidentally incorporated as an exhibit at the Natural History Museum in London. The person was placed in a large glass frame and labelled a "3000 million year old dinosaur".
New rabbit found
A new species of rabbit has been discovered. Apparently bearing features similar to a homo sapien such as bare skin and digits on each foot and hand, the animal can also speak fluent German. Goodness!
"I said I don't want circles!" cried an angry Minister for the Interior after a contracted home decorator stuck wallpaper bearing circular shapes on his Hampstead Heath home. The minister fired him.
A carpenter from Alabama claims to be the "next President of the United States". The 38 year old man says that he will dramatically effect change in his country. No one believes him. So long guy!
Phil the warrior
Ten British soldiers have been busted trying to break into Buckingham Palace. They were greeted by the fearsome sight of Prince Philip, dressed in black, waving a samurai sword and were forced to run.
Comedy as a form of control
Drivers using the M1 motorway north of London have been advised that a comedian has taken possession of the south bound lane and is insisting drivers laugh at his jokes before letting them proceed.
Arrested poets society
Ten poets have been arrested in Ireland for writing awful poems about potatos. One of them submitted his poem for judging in the Nobel Prize. Its expected they will probably get twenty five years.
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