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Weiner Anxiety Attack!
Rehab center reports Weiner goes mental when told he can not act out through his penis. "It's not fair,' he cried, "we've been through many hard times together and he always knows what I'm thinking!
Huma Weiner Denies She's Pregnant!
After being counseled by Clintons says, "I never had sex with THAT man, Anthony Weiner" before seeking annulment under non performance BONUS clause in her contract which included 'no hummers!'
Wasserman Shultz considers Lyposuction on Her Arse!
DNC head said, "maybe that will take people's mind off my bad hair and put their attention in it's proper place; worked for Pippa didn't it?" Alex Baldwin says, "she's no Pippa," in understatement!
Weiner Blames Childhood for Penis Obsession!
Wanker claims his family was so poor he never got toys on Hanukkah and was reduced to 'playing with himself!"
Netanyahu Demands US Cut Off Foreign Aid!
PM claims support by Weiner, Wasserman-Schultz, Shumer, Feinstein and Frank gives his country a bad name. "Hamas is bad enough , we don't need collateral damage from these people going off !
Psychiatrist Urges Weiner Must Stay in Congress!
Confidential Clinical report concludes: "This man is far to dangerous to be employed or released into the private sector!"
Obama Pledges to Bail Out Greece!
Taxpayers tell Bamsky, "You don't have a big enough pail!" as unemployment tops 9% with no end in sight. "Sink Obama in 2012' now at top of worker's 'bucket list."
Lady Ga Ga 'Friends' Anthony Weiner!
Claims the pair have 'a lot in common', declares Weiner had an unfortunate
ward robe malfunction which left him exposed on Twitter during solo stand up comedy routine.
Seth Batter says FIFA has $1B in the Bank!
The tight fisted Swiss "Big Cheese" insists on being 'comped' for Olympic
trip including hotels, food, limos, and best seats in the house. Says "It's not my fault cheap bastards only got 1 vote!"
NHS Says They'll Come in 'Under Budget' this Year!
"we're lucky, more people are dying in the hallways relieving the pressure on our doctors. Waste disposal is up, however," says British health care chief
Percy Moribund, who also owns a crematorium.
Massage a trois Scandal Threatens Duke of Yuk!
Former sex surrogate to Jeff Epstein claims Prince Andrew knows more than he's telling about full body massages."there's more to him then a stiff upper lip' says the woman now living in Australia!
Weiner Seeks Marital Advice from Clintons!
Bill tells him to avoid a stain on your character, 'get a good dry cleaner."
Hillary says, "you can't win this one Anthony, whether you take it out or leave it in, you're an A-H, just like Bill!
Huma Weiner Pregnant!
Said Mr. Weiner, " the one time I take it out of my pants, this happens! If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any at all!"
D-Day on Normandy Beach Comes and Goes Un Noticed!
The event foreshadowed the liberation of Europe and went quietly into the night on June 6, 2011 with hardly a mention of remembrance: 9387
American Servicemen buried there were left 'speechless!
Britain Gobsmacked over US Falklands Position!
Attempts to get through to the White House over their support for Argentina was bogged down when operators only spoke Spanish. Seems "Press 2 for English" is not an option for Obama!
Feds Now Looking into Weiner's Financial Statements!
Banking regulators claim Weiner may have secured loans due to 'over stating assets" and using money to 'cover his shorts' while trading on margin.Weiner claims he was trying to keep up with inflation
Madoff VS Weiner Contest Shapes Up!
eBay banking on Weiner's underpants will bring in more than Madoff's after recent Fed Auction of scammer's "pesonal assets".
45.000 Sidewalk Vendors Go Out of Business!
Mayor Bloomberg blames Democrats:" No one's buying Weiners anymore!"
Obama Administration Shocked as Economy Falls in Toilet!
Treasury boss Geithner vows to fix fiasco, fires Staff Fortune Teller and acquires Ouija Board owned and operated by Obama's Mother in law who foresees ' mo small change be comin' BRO!"
Weiner Admits Mistake, Wife Finally Comments!
"Sometimes Tony can be such a bone head,' she lamented to her boss, after penis pix posted on line. Hillary Clinton was unsympathetic saying, " at least he kept it in his pants, stop bitching!
FIFA Throws a bone to FA!
England to be awarded World Cup 'as soon as Hell Freezes Over!"
Al Gore: "it really shouldn't be that long!"
FIFA claims to have $1B 'in the bank.'
200 million football fans believe Blatter has more than than that under his Swiss mattress! Said a Man U fan, 'Our lads have shagged their share, but that Bastard
is F***g everybody! Qatar me Arse!"
Germany/India Trade Now Reaches $15B a Year!
UK PM Dave Cameron defends decision to send $1.2B to India for Education.
Seems they're already way ahead of you in math, Dave!
New Yorkers Ridicule Congressman Weiner!
After looking at Twitter account pix, most say his just doesn't 'cut the mustard!"
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