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$1,350 cornflake sold on ebay narrowingly outshined stool sample baked as a biscuit
It's not even time for the Darwin awards yet but two sisters (admitted flakes) proved that inherent brain damage can be as profitable as the image of Jesus in oatmeal.
New Zealand geneticists embark to revolutionize sheep farts
Doug Rutherford mistakenly unlocked gaseous secrets of anal alchemy during a standard procedure of metering cow flatulence when one of his sheep specimens began to seep the succulent smell of pancakes
Kansas geologist makes startling discovery
Renown geologist and cave proctologist Herb Pettigrew was surveying several tracks of land with incendiary lubricants when he unearthed a geode with a warm baked potato inside.
Aesthetic terrorism? British author Sebastian Horsley denied entrance into the U.S.
On the grounds of "moral turpitude" and hypocritical grinds of their own atavistic xenophobia contracted from vultures that prey on our counterculture bringing our terror alert level to periwinkle.
Cadillac attempts to entice elderly drivers with an innovative automobile
It is a light economical car that also doubles as a casket making the funerals of reckless, mentally alienated drivers as feasible as a rustic redneck burying a relative in their backyard.
Shock jocks Don Imus and drug-addled-gasbag Rush Limbaugh go head to head
Radio blowhard Don Imus, known for his "Nappy headed ho's" comment and perhaps more famous for resembling an anus has signed a deal with Don King to battle Limbaugh for the ultimate brown crown.
After a long and arduous standoff in the mountains of Denali, the Nuns have finally signed a peace accord with the native penguins.
Walmart even caters to Mother Nature
Category 5 hurricane spirals towards South America but stops first at WALMART because of their really low prices which collided with its ridge of high pressured employees.
Finally, Technology is catching up
Bell Tone now has a hearing aid powerful enough to hear people having sex 2 years from now.
Confessions of a Reagan Fondler
Former presidential candidate Mitt Romney's position on same sex marriage: Doggystyle.
Dr. Phil is living proof that diarrhea is an emotion.
Food channel Emeril launching new fundraiser
Desperate for attention Emeril has debut his punches for lunches campaign, "Smack a bitch and get a free sandwich."America is hungry for pain.
Sad but believable
Bush met with his cabinet today bemusing government operatives with his own absence as they later found him sitting on the floor of the oval office Indian style playing a game of checkers with a Bombay chest.
Proof that war is an aphrodesiac
Israelis pulled out of Gaza today who was bent over a chair as Hamas celebrated its rocketry by masturbating in unison.
Turkey launches ground operation in Iraq
Thousands of turkeys have been deployed today as a ground incursion in pursuit of indoctrinating separatist Kurdish rebels with the parables of Thanksgiving.
Student arrested for terroristic defecation
Adrian Manning 21, a hermaphroditic honor role student and mother of 3 entered the airport bathroom with the intent of performing number 2. Security was called shortly after a porcelain explosion, where young Adrian had gone number 10.
Child Psychology 101
If a child lies or misbehaves don't waste each others time telling them the story about the boy that cried wolf, they heard that one a thousand times. Tell them the story about the boy that cried hamster and woke up the next day as a hermaphrodite.
Word of the day
Harry: a militant name maimed with the framed correlation of being hirsute, hairy or dead end situation. Example: The hare harried the farmer with a harangue of varmint vernacular, badgering him until he burst into flames.
Life becomes more bizarre the closer one gets to the equator
National Geographic circumnavigate towards the equator to discover dogs that spin webs, venomous duck billed platypuses, flying manatees, stingrays, rabid corvettes, sock puppets, poison spitting cobras and hermaphroditic geese.
Blue whale gynecology a teenage fad?
It's the dawn of preadolescent chaos where facial tissues are rife with oil, prompting a draft mandating that all teenagers be rounded up and expedited to petroleum plants around the world while others spelunk through a blue whales vaginal cavern.
Hip Hop waits patiently for the 2pacalypse
Los Angeles CA- Scores of fervent followers were admonished by seismologists to evacuate after several major 6.3 earthquakes but refused to leave claiming that it was merely the bass reverberating beyond 2pacs grave.
"Global Warming" to be auctioned
With the recent outbreak of polar bears shaving each others backs, the notion of "Global Warming" has become viably profitable. Environmentalists are to auction off the phrase "Global Warming," all proceeds going to all Ninja Convents for Great White Sharks.
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