Showing:

Showing snippets written by Simon Cockle.


Show all snippets.

Showing page 2 (of 3 pages)
Rating:

Letters 'form words'

Scientists working at Harvard University have, for the first time, identified the building blocks of words. 'Letters', as the scientists have termed them, link together to form patterns. Some of these letters are only 2mm high and can only be seen by nearly everyone.

written by Simon Cockle, 07 April 2008
Rating:

Teeth 'prefer gums'

A new survey revealed today that, given a choice, teeth would prefer to reside in gums rather than anywhere else in the human body. Of the 13,000 teeth questioned, over 70% indicated gums, 26% wanted anywhere in the head region, while a small proportion suggested the genital area.

written by Simon Cockle, 07 April 2008
Rating:

Putting clocks forward 'throws world off axis'

Data suggests that the collective act of moving clocks forward one hour last weekend may have moved the earth away from its axis. Or it may not.

written by Simon Cockle, 07 April 2008
Rating:

Rastas develop new i and iPhone

A new phone that allows the caller to speak directly to Jah Rastafari has been launched today. The i and iPhone has a camera, internet access and ting.

written by Simon Cockle, 07 April 2008
Rating:

Charlton Heston New Town shuts for good

The Buckinghamshire new town of Charlton Heston was officially abandoned yesterday and will be destroyed next week. The town, famous in the 60s and 70s, was a bold experiment in method planning but had little impact in the last decade.

written by Simon Cockle, 07 April 2008
Rating:

Olympic Torch grab: McCanns questioned

The Olympic Torch was almost abducted yesterday while being cradled in the arms of former Blue Peter star Konnie Huq. The McCanns were briefly questioned but released without libel charges.

written by Simon Cockle, 07 April 2008
Rating:

Shannon mother arrested on suspicion of being working class

The mother of Shannon Matthews has been arrested for being working class, police revealed today. It is alleged that she not only had cable TV by more than one provider but that she had 'perverted the course of language'.

written by Simon Cockle, 07 April 2008
Rating:

British schoolchildren to 'pledge allegiance to a queen'

A new proposal by the Lord Chancellor would have schoolchildren pledging their allegiance to a queen, it emerged today. High-profile candidates include Sir Ian McKellan, Rupert Everett and the actor, Alan Cumming.

written by Simon Cockle, 11 March 2008
Rating:

Cheese and onion crisps 'addictive like crack'

A new study suggests that the humble cheese and onion crisp has the same addictive qualities as crack but is 100 times cheaper. The results may point to a new strategy to help crack addicts to beat their addiction.

written by Simon Cockle, 11 March 2008
Rating:

Smoking ban 'has limited effect on parking'

The government's smoking ban in public places has had little effect on the parking problem in Britain's big cities, a new study has confirmed.

written by Simon Cockle, 11 March 2008
Rating:

Beatles 'to split'

It has been announced that the Beatles have split after almost 50 years of playing together due to musical differences, band in-fighting and death.

written by Simon Cockle, 11 March 2008
Rating:

Japan unveils car the size of a pinhead

The Japanese motor company, Honda, has announced that it has designed a family car so small it can only be driven by single-cell bacteria.

written by Simon Cockle, 11 March 2008
Rating:

Jersey police find missing data discs

While searching for evidence of crimes committed at a children's home on the island of Jersey, police have confirmed that the missing data discs from the Home Office have been recovered.

written by Simon Cockle, 11 March 2008
Rating:

Fruit "too fruity"

Consumers want fruit to be "less fruity" and more savoury, a new survey suggests. "People are fed up with oranges that taste of fruit," said Steve Human-Garbage, a spokesman for WalMart, "they want more exciting flavours like barbecued pork...or tagines".

written by Simon Cockle, 14 February 2008
Rating:

"Quantum of Shoelace" not new Bond film

Confusion over the title of the new Bond film "Quality of Sallies" has led to calls for it to be changed. Barbara Brocoli, the film's producer says: "'Quedam of Choc-Ice' will not have a new title, I can assure you of that".

written by Simon Cockle, 14 February 2008
Rating:

Red sky at night "shepherd's delight"

A comprehensive study of weather patterns over the last 300 million years has conclusively proved that shepherds are genuinely "delighted" by red skies at night. This "delight" ranged from playful smiles to sexual arousal.

written by Simon Cockle, 14 February 2008
Rating:

Soap "gets dirtier as you get cleaner"

Scientist have discovered that soap works by taking the dirt from your body and storing it inside a hole in the bar. Breaking open bars of soap, scientist discovered colonies of bacteria strong enough to wipe out entire cities. Or something.

written by Simon Cockle, 14 February 2008
Rating:

Fridge magnets "are not attractive"

A new report has suggested that fridge magnets "do not attract humans". "They are not wanted," said Professor Dusty Folds of Harvard. They are, however, attracted to fridges, the report concludes.

written by Simon Cockle, 03 February 2008
Rating:

Missing link is "the Missing Link"

Scientists have identified a small semi-circular piece of metal as the "Missing Link". The search, that has occupied the scientific community for many centuries, means that they can now piece together the "chain" that has puzzled them for so long.

written by Simon Cockle, 03 February 2008
Rating:

Rats "have Top Ten music chart"

A scientific survey conducted by Professor Dusty Folds of Harvard reveals that rats have their own "music" that they compile into "charts". Rat communities are structured around a hierarchy based on "new entries".

written by Simon Cockle, 29 January 2008
Rating:

Racism "more acceptable now than ever"

Political correctness has become so endemic that racism is now seen as more socially acceptable than "saying the right thing". The comments come from David Irving, the holocaust denier, who suggested "are we going to have to go through with the whole racism thing yet again?"

written by Simon Cockle, 28 January 2008
Rating:

"You" are stupid

A new survey published today suggests that "you" are really unintelligent. The survey, carried out by "us" reveals that "you" are pathetic, uninteresting and, in exceptional circumstances, a "cxxt"

written by Simon Cockle, 28 January 2008
Rating:

Sugar "like crack to ants"

Scientific research has concluded that ants, once thought to be dilligent workers, lay around all day eating sugar "like they is suckin' on the pipe." Ants resort to stealing from beehives to fund their addiction, said Professor Dusty Folds of Harvard.

written by Simon Cockle, 21 January 2008
Rating:

Snow "no good for bricks"

An exhaustive study has revealed, despite previous thinking, that snow is of little use in the manufacture of bricks. The report suggests that saliva or, possibly cream, might produce better results.

written by Simon Cockle, 21 January 2008
Showing page 2 (of 3 pages)


Send To A Friend

Send this site to a friend!

Friend's Email:

Your Name:

What's 1 multiplied by 1?

3 11 1 22

RSS & Feeds

The Spoof is proud to present all its stories as RSS Feeds.

More Info...


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 2?

3 6 11 4

Go to top ^