Showing breaking news satire snippets written by JAB.Show all snippets.
Will Smith says he supports Obama's call for higher taxes on top earners
Well, that's mighty white of … er, thanks for the sacrifice, Will
written by JAB, 08 May 2012
CIA derails plot with al-Qaida underwear bomb
Experts are picking apart a sophisticated new al-Qaida underwear bomb to figure out whether the skid marks match the one that failed to detonate aboard a jetliner over Detroit on Christmas 2009.
written by JAB, 08 May 2012
'Jeopardy!' host Alex Trebek mulling retirement
Producers won't let him go because he didn't preface it with 'WHAT'
written by JAB, 05 May 2012
Spirit Airlines raising carry-on bag fee to $100
In fine print, Spirit added, if you give up your left testicle it's only $50
Blind Chinese activist Chen Guangcheng's pleas for U.S. sanctuary
Another case of the blind not leading the blind
Rielle Hunter wasn't John Edwards' only love bunny
101-year old heiress and big-time financial backer Rachel "Bunny" Mellon had a huge crush on him. It didn't get far, "he was afraid of old age creeping up on him."
Obama's ex-girlfriend Genevieve Cook's journal featured in new biography
Obama and Cook lived together briefly but in May 1985 they broke up.
"It was my fault, for not making the Alpo spicy enough," said Cook
Bunking with cats, inmates learn value of teamwork
Prison counselor Ernest P. Worrell said, "The experience helps reinforce the concept of good behavior."
"We're looking at the program," said Director Mark Sullivan of the US Secret Service
US says it's still trying to help Chinese activist
"We have ordered one seeing eye dog for Chen Guangcheng and a take-out for President Obama," said an official
Kutcher under Fire for Wearing Brownface in Ad
Coming to Ashton Kutcher's defense, Charlie Sheen said, "They've got it all wrong, that was his ass with a smiley face."
Donald Trump Jr. and Wife Vanessa Expecting Baby No. 4
"I got my mojo going after holding up that piece of tail from the elephant I shot on safari last year," said Mini-Me Trump
Blast heard in Afghan capital after Obama leaves
"That was one m*****f***ing spike of the ball," said a grunt on the ground
News Corp board comes out in support of Murdoch
News Corp said in a statement the board met on Wednesday and announced its full confidence in Murdoch's fitness and support, "Duh! He's the one who pays us."
Gingrich ends campaign, urges party to back Romney
"I'll supply the knives," said a Cheshire grinning Gingrich
Billy Graham backs NC anti-gay marriage amendment
The hologram of Graham was from a speech he gave in 1962
Adviser recounts Edwards' wife reacting to affair
A former adviser to John Edwards recounted Wednesday how the former presidential candidate's now-deceased wife indignantly confronted her husband, saying, "Get me Tiger."
Blind activist appeals to U.S. for help to leave China
"US Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton and Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner arrived in Beijing on Wednesday suffering from jet lag,Jose Feliciano will fill in for them," said a spokesman
Number of US illegal immigrants from Mexico drops
The number of Mexican immigrants illegally in the U.S. has dropped significantly for the 1st time in decades. The price of fruit and vegetables will increase significantly for the 1st time in decades.
Dick Clark Cremated, Memorial Service in Planning Stages
Clark will be honored next New Year's Eve in Times Square, where he televised the ball-dropping ceremony for decacades
Hmmm,which two parts did they not cremate?
Pa. man hid phone in jail in prosthetic leg
Inmates are not allowed to bring their own phones into the jail. Robert Louis Stevenson apologized to the court saying, "That's where I always kept it when I worked at IHOP"
Obama out raises Romney in campaign fundraising
President Obama raised $53 million versus $12.6 million for Mitt Romney.
Sounds like one has a silver spoon and the other has a plastic one.
written by JAB, 20 April 2012
Taliban commander turns himself in, demands $100 reward
Mustaf Bin Awanker identified himself at a checkpoint in Eastern Afghanistan and asked for his reward. I Zheet M'Drurz,the translator, laughed so hard, he lived up to his name, and shat himself
Rage Against the Machine vs Ted Nugent
Zack de la Rocha -"This current administration [Bush] should be tried, hung and shot."
Ted Nugent - "If you can't go home and get everybody in your life to clean house of the vile, evil America-hating administration,[Obama]I don't even know what you are made of."
PICK YOUR POISON
Tu Pac (RIP 1996) rises from dead as a hologram at Coachella
Tu Pac rapped, If there's something strange in your neighborhood/Who you gonna call? -Ghostbusters! /If there's something weird and it don't look good/Who you gonna call?-Ghostbusters!