Showing:

Showing snippets written by Swan Morrison.


Show all snippets.

Showing page 2 (of 13 pages)
Rating:

Education Secretary Champions A Diversity Of Sporting Opportunities For Young People In Schools

'Athletics teaches young people about drugs,' Nicky Morgan told UK Sport representatives, 'tennis informs them about bribery, and football allows exploration of corporate corruption.'

written by Swan Morrison, 19 January 2016
Rating:

Cameron And Hunt Dismayed At Failure Of Their Honesty And Sincerity Impersonations

'They tried their best to pretend to look honest and sincere when claiming that junior doctors were being unreasonable,' said a Downing Street source, 'but sadly the public just aren't that gullible.'

written by Swan Morrison, 13 January 2016
Rating:

Competition Hots Up For Most Inventive Way To Resign From Shadow Cabinet

Following Stephen Doughty's resignation on live TV, it is rumoured that another shadow minister plans to hire a plane to tow a banner across the London sky that reads "You're insane, Corbyn. I Quit!"

written by Swan Morrison, 09 January 2016
Rating:

Thousands Of Hewlett Packard Printer Ink Cartridges Washed Up On British and European Beaches

'They were lost at sea last year,' said a spokesman for HP. 'Fortunately, despite their ridiculous retail cost, they contain virtually no ink and so the environmental consequences should be minimal.'

written by Swan Morrison, 08 January 2016
Rating:

UK Older Persons Groups Press For Urgent Legislation To Address Term Time Holidays

'They can't stop pushy parents taking children on term time holidays,' said a spokesman, 'so we need legislation to ensure that if kids are at resorts in term time, the little bastards remain quiet.'

written by Swan Morrison, 25 October 2015
Rating:

"London Gatwick Obviously" Emphasises Oil Discovery Under Gatwick Airport

'A well near Gatwick airport could yield 158 million barrels of oil.' said a spokesman for "London Gatwick Obviously". 'Piping it directly to the planes would significantly reduce travel costs.'

written by Swan Morrison, 09 April 2015
Rating:

Archbishop Of Canterbury Reassures Anxious Fundamentalist Christians About Solar Eclipse

'This is a normal astronomical phenomenon,' the archbishop reassured anxious fundamentalist believers. 'It does not mean that God is angry with you.'

written by Swan Morrison, 19 March 2015
Rating:

Mirror Group Phone Hacking Caused Japanese Tsunami Claims Celebrity

'I am not exaggerating,' the celebrity told the High Court in London, 'either due to justifiable anger or a wish to maximise a damages payment.'

written by Swan Morrison, 11 March 2015
Rating:

Yeti Encountered In Himalayas

'This event might have provided conclusive, photographic proof of the yeti,' said a spokesman. 'Sadly, all shots used selfie sticks, and the creatures were obscured by the photographer's friends.'

written by Swan Morrison, 11 March 2015
Rating:

Extraterrestrials Land In New York's Central Park

'This event might have provided conclusive, photographic proof of extraterrestrials,' said a spokesman. 'Sadly, all shots used selfie sticks, and the aliens were hidden by the photographers' friends.'

written by Swan Morrison, 11 March 2015
Rating:

Sir Malcolm Rifkind Resigns As Chairman Of Parliament's Intelligence and Security Committee

The former Foreign Secretary resigns as chairman of Parliament's Intelligence and Security Committee after showing little intelligence and even less security in his dealings with undercover reporters.

written by Swan Morrison, 24 February 2015
Rating:

The 2022 Qatar World Cup Rescheduled For November And December To Avoid Health Risks Of 40 Degree Temperatures

'It's just lucky that we spotted those temperature statistics in time,' said a relieved Fifa vice-president, Jim Boyce.

written by Swan Morrison, 24 February 2015
Rating:

Pensioners Launch Campaign To Dissuade Young People From Voting

'The Government are throwing money at us because they know that we all vote,' said a typical older citizen. 'If the young'uns show any interest in voting, then we'll have to share the loot with them.'

written by Swan Morrison, 24 February 2015
Rating:

French Police Study Video Of HSBC Directors

The video shows a gang of HSBC directors pushing a low income saver from a Paris metro train while chanting: 'We only help the rich to evade tax, and that's the way we like it.'

written by Swan Morrison, 24 February 2015
Rating:

UK Parliament Stunned By Allegations That Daily Telegraph Failed To Publish Negative Stories About Advertisers

'We failed in every attempt to stop them exposing our dishonest expense claims,' said a parliamentary spokesman. 'All we ever needed to do was advertise with them. We're gutted at our own stupidity.'

written by Swan Morrison, 19 February 2015
Rating:

Fox News Again Accused Of Wrongly Claiming That A Major City Is Predominantly Muslim

'OK, we were wrong about Birmingham, England and Paris, France - wherever they are,' said a Fox New spokesman, 'but we stand by our claim about Mecca.'

written by Swan Morrison, 21 January 2015
Rating:

University Researchers Recommend Prioritising Popular Medical Students For Flu Jabs

'Vaccination rates would rise if people with large social networks influenced their peers,' said a researcher, 'although the unpopular, friendless losers among medical students would remain at risk.'

written by Swan Morrison, 18 January 2015
Rating:

Sony Delighted With Success Of Advertising Campaign For "The Interview"

'Insulting Kim Jong-un has given the film worldwide exposure,' said a Sony spokesman. 'The Interview 2 is now planned in which Vladimir Putin is outed as a homosexual and Pope Francis has an affair.'

written by Swan Morrison, 26 December 2014
Rating:

North Korea Seeks Joint Probe With US On Sony Hack

'Grave consequences will follow if America rejects our inquiry plan,' said Pyongyang, 'or if they screen "The Interview" or do anything that leads Kim Jong-un to stamp his feet and throw a tantrum.'

written by Swan Morrison, 20 December 2014
Rating:

Christmas Shoppers Spend £1.2bn On 'Panic Saturday'

Retailers are bracing themselves for a final shopping onslaught on Christmas Eve or 'Oh my God, it's Christmas Day tomorrow, why didn't anybody warn me?' Wednesday.

written by Swan Morrison, 20 December 2014
Rating:

Conservative Peer Baroness Jenkin of Kennington Defiant About Saying "Poor People Don't Know How To Cook"

'People who think otherwise just don't live in the real world,' she explained. 'The poor can have a use as domestic servants, but finding a cook for any of one's mansions or yachts is impossible.'

written by Swan Morrison, 09 December 2014
Rating:

Thousands Of Russians Take To Streets To Protest Against Health Cuts

Russian authorities say reforms can improve care by concentrating specialists in better hospitals. 'We copied that lie from the British NHS,' said a Russian spokesman. 'Why does no one believe it?'

written by Swan Morrison, 30 November 2014
Rating:

Retailers Announce 'Lemming Tuesday' On Which Shoppers Will Be Encouraged To Jump From Cliffs Into The Sea

'Retailers invented Black Friday to drive shoppers into unnecessary and pointless panics,' say police. 'Lemming Tuesday is even worse - thousands will again mindlessly follow the crowd and be killed.'

written by Swan Morrison, 30 November 2014
Rating:

Scientists Capture First Photographic Evidence Of Bears Within Chernobyl Exclusion Zone

'We initially thought that they were brown bears,' said a spokesman, 'but we now believe that they are a new species of phosphorescent, two headed bears.'

written by Swan Morrison, 28 November 2014
Showing page 2 (of 13 pages)


Send To A Friend

Send this site to a friend!

Friend's Email:

Your Name:

What's 1 multiplied by 3?

8 20 25 3

RSS & Feeds

The Spoof is proud to present all its stories as RSS Feeds.

More Info...


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 5?

7 15 18 10

76 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more