Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jesus Budda.Show all snippets.
In a previous snippet we said the world was flat.
We later discovered it is roundy shaped.
We apologise unreservedly to Mrs. Mother Nature.
written by Jesus Budda, 31 May 2010
In a previous snippet we referred to local man Barry Nubbins as 'a dickhead'.
We should have said 'knobhead'.
We apologise unreservedly to Mr. Nubbins.
written by Jesus Budda, 31 May 2010
Dog-faced Boy Meets up with Boy-faced Dog
They both licked each other and pissed on the carpet.
Local Man Discovers Way to Turn Shite into Cash
Mr. Simon Cowell has made a fortune from producing a constant stream of shite.
"People just pay me to produce it", he boasted
Local Atheist finds Jesus
"He was hiding behind my sofa the whole time. The cheeky little monkey!", said Barry Nubbins.
Local Dyslexic School Children Told To WANK to School
"I was surprised at the kids enthusiasm to obey the rules until I discovered the error", said their teacher.
Local Dyslexic Goes Hill WANKING
"I was wondering why my gay neighbour was so eager to come along with me on the trip", said Jimmy Jimjam.
Local Newspaper Covers Bent Copper
The small piece of copper piping was described as 'crooked', and was discovered beneath a tattered copy of yesterdays News of The World sports section pullout.
Local Cows Say They Don't Mind Alien Abductions
"It's a lot of fun and gets us out of the fields for a while", they mooed.
Local Man Told to Piss Off
He then proceeded to urinate the word 'OFF' in giant letters in the snow outside his house.
Local Man Gets Hand Job
Local man Barry Nubbins has taken a position at a massage parlor where he gives therapeutic massages to his clients soft hands.
Bailed Falcon is a flight Risk
The Falcon, released on bail last week for a series of aerial shitting assaults, may fly, claim authorities.
"I've seen him perched atop that mountain and he could fly at any second", said a cop.
Local Woman Has Hairy Pussy
Local woman Linda Lovelace has a very hairy Persian kitten.
She also admitted that she doesn't shave her own pubes.
Local Woman Has Dirty Ass
Local woman Mary Cockface has a mud-covered donkey in her back yard.
Local Man Has Blue Balls
"It is highly unusual. Normally tennis balls are yellow", said Roger Federer.
Local Boy Has Odd-Shaped Balls
"One is a football, the other is a rugby one", he said.
Local Invisible Man Quits Dreams of Being Hollywood Star
Cameramen struggled to make him appear in pictures.
Local Caveman invents Rock and Roll
Local Neanderthal Caveman Ug Jones, 33, has invented a rock that can be used for banging stuff with.
Later in the day he invented the sausage roll. For eating.
Local Man's Cock Gets Stuck in Doorknob
Local man Barry Nubbins' prize cockerel Percy got his beak caught in the doorknob of the bathroom door.
He had been spying on a naked woman in the shower. The bastard.
Local Woman Refuses to Touch Husband's Cock
Barry Nubbins' wife says she will not hold his prize cockerel Percy.
She says she is allergic to feathers.
Local Man's Wife Awoken By Her Husband's Wet Cock
Local man Barry Nubbins' wife was woken up this morning by prize cockerel Percy, who crawled under the sheets after having a shower.
Local Man Has a Stiff Cock
Local man Barry Nubbin's prize cockerel Percy got covered with cement yesterday.
He is now as stiff as a rock.
Local Man's Wife Slaps His Cock
Barry Nubbins wife caught his prize cockerel Percy pecking at the furniture.
She gave it a good slap and locked him in the hen house.
Local Man Doesn't Know How To Use His Cock
He is undecided about using it in the hen house or sticking it on top of the barn for use as a real-life weather vane.