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Decathlete Runs 1500m In His Flip Flops
Having already won the Decathlon before the final discipline, US athlete Brian Clay ran the 1500m in his flip flops, and still won.
Olympics A Success For China
The Olympic Games have been an outstanding success for China, with figures showing that people don't really care about Human Rights anymore.
Boxers Knock Each Other Out
Iran's Ismael Mohammad and Iraq's Mohammad Ismael knocked each other out in their Featherweight semi-final contest. The result was declared 'a spectacle'.
Czech Athlete Throws Hammer Into Crowd
Czech athlete Jan Zittage was arrested by Chinese police after hurling his hammer into the crowd with his final throw. Zittage finished last.
Jacques Rogge Tests Negative For 'Banned Substance'
IOC President Jacques Rogge has tested negative for a banned substance - charisma.
Chinese Table Tennis Star Stands On Ball
Chinese star Zhiang Xin incurred the wrath of the game's governing body today, when she accidentally trod on a ball, crushing and ruining it beyond repair. She will be sentenced at a later date.
Big Brother Housemate Shits In Pool
An unnamed housemate has 'laid a cable' in the Big Brother bathing pool. Watch tonight to find out who!
EastEnders To Go Global
The BBC is set to sign a new deal that will take its dreary soap to Africa and Asia next year, so that all those folks can be miserable too!
Erkan Mustafa To Become A Circus Tent
The drug-fuelled ex-Grange Hill star embarks on a new career, not as an actor, but as a three-ring Big Top!
Paula Radcliffe Has Stopped Crying!
The marathon runner finally stopped crying this morning after it became clear to her, that nobody was taking the slightest bit of notice.
Gary Glitter Takes Up Residence In Bangkok
Gary Glitter has cut short his world tour, and will set up home in Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi airport, sources close to the filthy, disgusting, paedophile say.
Olympic Sprint Batons Coated In Grease
Beijing: Batons used in the sprint relays were coated with grease. Britain, the US, Italy, France and Trinidad all lost their grips, but surprisingly, Greece held on.
Chris Hoy's Dad To Go On A Diet
More fantastic news in the Olympic Velodrome today as Great Britain win two more gold medals and a silver, and Chris Hoy's overweight Dad promises to go on a diet.
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