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Mass. Would Offer Cancer Vaccine Free
-"The Vatican should really stay out of the pharmaceutical industry."
Air And Space Museum Sees Fewer Visitors
- "It's not like we don't like science..it's just that there isn't anything to see."
Rats Invade NYC Restaurant
- "This is a Thai Restaurant, they're on the menu!"
Text Messages Land Teacher In Hot Water
- "The Chief, of the Pongo-Pongo tribe of Kilamangaro, was given a free cell phone as a present from Dr. Eldon Livingstud, Harvard professor of ancient civilizations. Two days later, they invited him back for dinner!"
U.S. Court Upholds Same-Sex Teaching To Children
- "Daddy, why did the new baby from that man's stomach look brown & stink?!"
Astronaut Farmer Plummets to Earth
- "I told them, 'I refuse to wear those adult diapers on this flight!'. So they unlocked the door & shoved me out!"
Asylum seekers sent to Australia's Christmas Island
- Santa Clause Prison Workshop awaits those who've been "Naughty, not Nice!"
Obama Mocks Cheney for Admiring U.K. Troop Drawdown
- Cheney responded, "Uppity, Uppity, Uppity!"
Study Moves Chimp-Human Split To 4 Million Years Ago
- The Fairy-god Mother and Santa Clause would agree!
Largest U.S. Dairy Shuns Milk From Clones
- "The problem is you get twice the phlegm as ordinary milk."
U.S. Airport Debuts Controversial X-Ray Scanner
- "Airport security workers call it, "X-Ray-ted TV"
Bank of America Defends Immigrant Card Program
-"Financial institution wants to bring home the point that Credit card debt IS the American way!"
Michelle Wie To Critics: 'I Don't Care'
- "Yes...It's quite evident in her game!"
Beaver Spotted In New York City For First Time In 200 Years
- "Britney out of rehab once more!"
Defense Minister Cannot Figure Out How to Use Binoculars
- "Worst case of near-sightedness ever seen"
Atheists Take on Bush's Faith-Based Funding
- Bush say, "It doesn't exist!" Agnostic's concur.
Paris Hilton Uses The "N" Word
- "Oh, you mean NIGGER?!"
Kids Shovel Down More Calories Watching TV
- "Children should switch to a healthier diet of fruits, vegetables, bread, Nuts and take away their shovels!"
Fighting Surgeons Leave Patient In The Lurch
- "With both Doctors fighting in the hallway, Patient decides to save money by performing the lobotomy himself!"
Two Clowns Shot Dead At Circus
- Many relieved after finding out the headline was NOT about Obama & Hillery political feud.
No Need To Diet And Exercise To Lose Weight
- "Move to the MOON. Gravity 1/6 of Earth!"
Wimbledon to Pay Men and Women Equally
- "We are going with the lesser rate for both sexes & savings going to buy snacks for ball retievers."
Britney Out Of Rehab Again
- Correction..now she has returned to rehab. Oops, Britney out of rehab again. Correction..now she has returned to rehab. Oops, Britney out of rehab again. Correction..now she has returned to rehab. Oops, Britney out of rehab again....
JetBlue Vows To Compensate Delayed Fliers
- "We can't return money, but, come on down to the airport for a re-distibution of all the uneaten airline food which wasn't passed out during the snow crisis.
That's right...Lunch is on us!"
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