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Fired Rutger's Basketball Coach May Get A One-Way Ticket
Comedian Zydeco Dupree has said that if ex-Rutgers Coach Mike "The Punk" Rice has so much anger and hostility perhaps he needs to be shipped over to North Korea.
Mayor Bloomberg Strikes A Positive Blow For The Hookers
New York Mayor Bloomberg says that in order to avoid the obvious negative connotations he is issuing a directive prohibiting the use of the word street walker and replacing it with pavement princess.
Same Sex Marriages: Six of One, Half Dozen of The Other
Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona says she is against same-sex marriages, especially if it is between two men or two women.
Kim Jong Un Is Mad At Le France
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is angry at France and vows to launch a missile towards the Eiffel Tower.
Punxsutawney Phil and Jay Leno Are In The Same Boat
Punxsutawney Phil, getting up in age, will most likely be replaced in 2014, by Punxsutawney Phyllis.
Nazi Stuff Is A "No No"
The city of Miami Beach has just banned all Nazi memorabilia. One very unhappy Nazi memorabilia shop owner says he will be moving to Arizona.
Kim Jong Un Says He Fears Nothing
Scientist report that a meteor the size of Milwaukee is heading towards North Korea. Kim Jong Un says he will shoot the Solar System infidel down with one of his missiles.
The Skeeter Bite Is Gonna Hurt Like The Dickens
A Louisiana game warden has reported finding a mosquito in a bayou near New Orleans that weighs 3 pounds.
What The Hell Is That Smell?
A scientific research center in Flagstaff, Arizona has been fined by the U.S. government for cloning skunks.
The Wisconsin Bar Code Mystery
Wisconsin has just passed a law banning all bar codes. State senators refused to comment as to why.
The Fringe Benefit of A Tubal Ligation
A gynecologist in California is now offering his patients a free iPad with each tubal ligation.
News Regarding The War Between The States
President Obama proudly announced today that the United States has made the final payment on the loan it took out in 1861 to help pay for the American Civil War.
Pat Robertson Condemns The New England Patriots
Pat Robertson said that the New England Patriots will go to hell for letting Wes Welker leave. Pats coach Bill Belichick said "Good, I'll kick the damn devil and record the whole damn thing to boot."
Lindsay Lohan Will Not Be Firing Her Lawyer
Lindsay Lohan has been advised by her close friends and family to fire her attorney, but she says that she will keep him because he works for the amazing fee of $19 an hour.
Arizona Passes A Crazy Law
Arizona has just announced that it has passed a bill prohibiting any one in the state from using the term Praying Mantis.
Ah, The Land of Cotton
Mississippi has just banned the photoshopping of cotton. No reason was given.
It's Adios and Goodbye To Chuck E. Cheese
In the interest of gender equality, the Chuck E. Cheese Corporation has just announced that the company mascot Chuck E. Cheese will have sexual reassignment surgery and become Chelsea E. Cheese.
Dr. Pepper Is Expanding
The Dr. Pepper Company has decided to go into the condiment business and states that it will soon be selling Dr. Pepper Pepper.
The Avocado Salads Just Won't Taste The Same
Due to the verbal jousting between Russia and Guatemala, the Central American country says that it will be removing all bottles of Russian Salad Dressing from its grocery store shelves.
The Astounding Rumor About Kate Middleton's Baby
The rumor that Kate Middleton AKA The Duchess of Cambridge will name her baby, Bubba, if it's a boy, has as yet not been denied by Buckingham Palace
Bad News For The Rock Dudes
South Dakota has announced that state budget cuts could force it to sell Mount Rushmore.
Well There Went The Parade
America's smallest St. Patrick's Day Parade was held in Tucson and it featured two bagpipers, a bosomy Hooter's girl dressed as a tall leprechaun, and three homeless people each carrying a shamrock.
Lindsay Lohan Is One Lucky-As-Hell Spoiled Brat
Every time Lindsay Lohan is sentenced to prison she gets out of it because of prison overcrowding. Either build more friggin prisons or let one inmate out to make room for the Hollywood prima donna.
Anna Welker's Rocky Mountain Comment
Anna Welker, wife of ex-New England Patriot Wes Welker and now member of the Denver Broncos, says that Colorado snow smells a whole lot nicer than Massachusetts snow.
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