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While the Emperor Muses, Western Civilization Loses
Barack I soaks in Royal Hot Tub and on his Olympian ego muses, as Queen of Sheba-Susan Rice the Royal parts peruses. While, in the Levant Putin fuses, in the Pacific China oozes, and all ISIS abuses.
Trump surges in polls after a striking pledge
The Donald promised to kick ass, take names, and eradicate TV reality shows from American life, if elected President. In fact, he'll ax the Kardashians immediately.
Emperor Lolls While Musing on Next Move
Emperor Barack I reclines in the royal hot tub with Queen of Sheba-Susan Rice, as they dream about blaming the deadly ISIS attacks in Paris on a video.Meanwhile, handmaiden Kerry slathers oil on both.
Latest Hillary Texting Discoveries Reported
Recent Hillary recovered online texts show she was sexting with Uma Abadine during the Benghazi attack...guess the fire that killed Ambassador Stevens wasn't hot enough for her.
Bubba Clinton Clarifies His Position On the Email Scandal
Caught entering the Playboy Mansion, the former Pres was questioned about his involvement with the now burgeoning Email imbroglio. Bubba's response: "I did not have sex with that server!!!!"
Emperor Reminds Pope About Who is What
Emperor Barack I hosted Francis I at the palace. His Royal Egoist did grant that Francis is Pope of the Catholic Church but then reminded the pontiff that he, Barack, is the Pope of Leftist Fascism.
Emperor Invites CBS's '60 Minutes' to Tour of His Sanctum Sanctorum
Barack I hosted 60min simperers on a tour of his shrine to dictators, proudly showing a lock of Hitler's hair, Mussolini's scalp wax, and one of Hugo Chavez's colostomy bags.All were prostrate in awe.
Clinton and Trump Plan For the Future Post-16 Election
NY Squib.com reports The Donald and Hill are jointly collaborating on a book titled "Prevaricating to Bamboozle Dumb-Cluck Yahoos for Fun and Profit."Based on polls to date, future sales are assured.
Post GOP Debate Rand Paul Is Engaged in Doing What He Loves
Aided by Chris Christie during the GOP debate, Rand Paul is now pursuing his passion and has turned it into an entrepreneurial venture. He's now blowing hot air into Hot Air balloons for profit,
Planned Parenthood (PPH) Signs A Contract For Collection of More Parts
Due to dire demand for baby organs,PPH inked a deal with Russian Mob Czar Kingich Herodski to kill newborn babies of all Tea Party-ites. Progressive homes to be passed over by posting Barack I pics.
Ex-Congresswoman Demands More Body Parts ASAP
Ex-Cong, perpetual flap-jaw, & perennial Washington gadfly Jane Harmon spouts her demands to Planned Parenthood for more'n'better parts from aborted foetuses to treat her advancing case of Alsheimers.
Emperor Proclaims Cuba Is Part of the Empire & Announces A New Celebration
Barack I proclaimed Cuba is now part of his Empire. The Emperor also revealed that henceforward July will be KissACastroOnThe Ass month, so all dutiful serfs in the Empire had better pucker up PDQ.
Imperial Palace Announces New Prestigious Appointment
Barack I has named Justice John Roberts as Lord Chancellor of Obamacare with specific authority to condemn all those AntiO'Carelamic terrorists to be waterboarded in perpetuity at Guantanamo Bay Keep.
Trump Announces Post-Presidential Election Mandate
His Donaldship revealed:new Capital will be Atlantic City renamed Trumptopia; guys must wear Trump wigs; gals must wear skimpy handmaiden togs & be his 'Apprentices';and Rosie O'Donnell to be skinned.
Supreme Court Will Issue Definitive Decision Next Tuesday
At end of 2015 term US Supreme Court will issue its most definitive decision to date,mandating that all in US must now be GAY.Activists celebrate,while religious adherents prep for guerilla warfare.
Santorum's Presidential Key Wish Evokes Classic Movie Character
Close insiders at Campaign Santorum know that their hopeful's key wish for a Presidential victory would be like that of the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz -- to somehow obtain a brain.
Rand Paul Plans For the Future Post-Presidential Race
When his Presidential aspirations finally flush out, Rand Paul plans to team up with his Dad to go on the road with a dual crackpot Libertarian rapping act called The Hillbilly Isolato-Fed Busters.
Secretary Kerry Off to Paris In Preparation for Vienna
Kerry is off to Paris to refresh his slime factor in the sewers, then it's on to Vienna to slither into a nukeselloutscam with Iranian terrorists. All cheer at Emperor's court; while Mideast shudders.
Sons of Olaf Move to Raise Norwegian Flag Over St. Paul Thwarted
St.Paul,MN:Raising the Norse flag over the capital was thwarted by a band of Somalis who stormed the State House, demanding that their flag be hoisted,but were yet stymied by intrepid Golden Gophers.
Rory McIlroy's Strategy for The Open Has Leaked
Anonymous source from McIlroy's Golf Team reveals #1's plan for the upcoming Open: Soaking Justin Spieth's haggis with milk of magnesia. So, just after the Juster ties off, he's hellbound for the loo.
Pope's Encyclical Breaks New Ground for Vatican Ventures
CEO Francis of Catholicism Inc,DBA Vatican Ventures hyped VVs latest spinoff: GenuFlectaForecast. His Popeship will be key anchor on the VV Web channel,touting 24/7 the moral hazard of climate change.
Brian Williams Finds A Suitable Broadcast Home
Outcast Williams will join the denizens of the MSNBC loony bin, finding an apt dive among likes of Feminazi Madow, Fraudster Sharpton, and Loony Matthews. All TV bozos in one venue: a bizarre nirvana.
Sanders Gains on Hillary in National Demo Polling
Bernice(nee nie)Sanders gained on Hillary in latest polls.Given B's transgender move& Caitlin Jenner spiking a TG Repubslot,the Queen of Flip/Flop mulls her next gambit,tasking RuPaul as a consultant.
Emperor Castigates High Court in Advance for Likely Anti-Imperial Decision
Barack I rails at Court decision that's not been issued yet.Emperor vents spleen at a pending decision that might render void key parts of Barack'sBetterGetYourAssCovered edict,says "Get Gitmo ready!"
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