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Bernie Sanders Breaks Precedent and Demonstrates His Vision
Campaigning in Brooklyn, Bernie broke with custom & washed his only pair of underwear in the East River.Pounding on his skivvies with rock, he showed how we'll all do laundry in his Socialist utopia.
Emperor Calls For More Rubah-Dub-Dub
His Supreme Wetness, Barack I, ensconced in the Royal Hot Tub, sent Queen of Sheba S Rice out for a bigger sponge to rub away the fresh imprint of the Russian Mig that buzzed the Tub.
The Donald Touts His Military Creds
His Trumpiness bellows he's "militaristic!" 'Course he is -- he colors his hair with Agent Orange.
Chris Hitchens Returns as Ghost of Verity Past with a Message
Wearing an ashen hoodie & smoking an e-ciggie, Hitch held forth: "Verily I tell you, Islamic terror is reality of the time; the deceit is Hillary, who is a lie herself." Hitch then vanished in vapor.
Chicago Potentate Seeks Guidance from Former Ruler-Mentors
R Emanuel-Chitown Ruler facing extermination-went to Emperor Alumnus&Supreme Bubbaness Clinton and his erstwhile consort Wicked Witch of Hillary State for counselling on ethics & integrity.It figures.
Inquiring Minds Want to Know the Latest About the Trump-Putin Romance
Our correspondent in Moscow just got word that Donny and Vladdy plan an exciting getaway at Vladdy's Sochi dacha. After steamy tryst acrobatics they'll unwind by shooting more missiles into Ukraine.
O'Reilly and Trump Hold Their Own Intense Debate
The Donald Huckster-in-Chief and Bill Spinmeister-in-Chief had a heated exchange debating which had the most stupid group of followers, nearly coming to blows 'til Jerry Springer said: "It's a draw."
Special Forces Vets Make a Recommendation to Trump
Seals & Rangers went to a Trump rally to urge that, when King Abdullah of Jordan next comes to US,The Donald should personally frisk and harass the King-also a Special Forces vet-and see what happens.
Chicagoland Potentate is Guaranteed Next Gig By Emperor
Rahm Emanuel-under-siege Chicagoland Potentate-has heard from Barack I his next role in Empire is a sure thing. He will be the new Chief Eunuch of Emperor's harem,under whip of Queen-Sheba Susan Rice.
While the Emperor Muses, Western Civilization Loses
Barack I soaks in Royal Hot Tub and on his Olympian ego muses, as Queen of Sheba-Susan Rice the Royal parts peruses. While, in the Levant Putin fuses, in the Pacific China oozes, and all ISIS abuses.
Trump surges in polls after a striking pledge
The Donald promised to kick ass, take names, and eradicate TV reality shows from American life, if elected President. In fact, he'll ax the Kardashians immediately.
Emperor Lolls While Musing on Next Move
Emperor Barack I reclines in the royal hot tub with Queen of Sheba-Susan Rice, as they dream about blaming the deadly ISIS attacks in Paris on a video.Meanwhile, handmaiden Kerry slathers oil on both.
Latest Hillary Texting Discoveries Reported
Recent Hillary recovered online texts show she was sexting with Uma Abadine during the Benghazi attack...guess the fire that killed Ambassador Stevens wasn't hot enough for her.
Bubba Clinton Clarifies His Position On the Email Scandal
Caught entering the Playboy Mansion, the former Pres was questioned about his involvement with the now burgeoning Email imbroglio. Bubba's response: "I did not have sex with that server!!!!"
Emperor Reminds Pope About Who is What
Emperor Barack I hosted Francis I at the palace. His Royal Egoist did grant that Francis is Pope of the Catholic Church but then reminded the pontiff that he, Barack, is the Pope of Leftist Fascism.
Emperor Invites CBS's '60 Minutes' to Tour of His Sanctum Sanctorum
Barack I hosted 60min simperers on a tour of his shrine to dictators, proudly showing a lock of Hitler's hair, Mussolini's scalp wax, and one of Hugo Chavez's colostomy bags.All were prostrate in awe.
Clinton and Trump Plan For the Future Post-16 Election
NY Squib.com reports The Donald and Hill are jointly collaborating on a book titled "Prevaricating to Bamboozle Dumb-Cluck Yahoos for Fun and Profit."Based on polls to date, future sales are assured.
Post GOP Debate Rand Paul Is Engaged in Doing What He Loves
Aided by Chris Christie during the GOP debate, Rand Paul is now pursuing his passion and has turned it into an entrepreneurial venture. He's now blowing hot air into Hot Air balloons for profit,
Planned Parenthood (PPH) Signs A Contract For Collection of More Parts
Due to dire demand for baby organs,PPH inked a deal with Russian Mob Czar Kingich Herodski to kill newborn babies of all Tea Party-ites. Progressive homes to be passed over by posting Barack I pics.
Ex-Congresswoman Demands More Body Parts ASAP
Ex-Cong, perpetual flap-jaw, & perennial Washington gadfly Jane Harmon spouts her demands to Planned Parenthood for more'n'better parts from aborted foetuses to treat her advancing case of Alsheimers.
Emperor Proclaims Cuba Is Part of the Empire & Announces A New Celebration
Barack I proclaimed Cuba is now part of his Empire. The Emperor also revealed that henceforward July will be KissACastroOnThe Ass month, so all dutiful serfs in the Empire had better pucker up PDQ.
Imperial Palace Announces New Prestigious Appointment
Barack I has named Justice John Roberts as Lord Chancellor of Obamacare with specific authority to condemn all those AntiO'Carelamic terrorists to be waterboarded in perpetuity at Guantanamo Bay Keep.
Trump Announces Post-Presidential Election Mandate
His Donaldship revealed:new Capital will be Atlantic City renamed Trumptopia; guys must wear Trump wigs; gals must wear skimpy handmaiden togs & be his 'Apprentices';and Rosie O'Donnell to be skinned.
Supreme Court Will Issue Definitive Decision Next Tuesday
At end of 2015 term US Supreme Court will issue its most definitive decision to date,mandating that all in US must now be GAY.Activists celebrate,while religious adherents prep for guerilla warfare.
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