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Vice-President Pence Leaves Colts vs. 49ers Game During Protests
He thought they were bowing to him, and when he found out they weren't, he got embarrassed and left.
U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson Denies Calling Trump a "Moron"
"What I actually said was that he was a FUCKING moron!" said Tillerson.
Trump Will Have Every Puerto Rican's Paychecks Garnished Until Hurricane Maria Damage is Paid Off
...Even though the Federal Government hasn't actually done anything yet...
Trump to Return to Puerto Rico to Throw More Rolls of Paper Towels to the Crowd
"The towels did so well to help the suffering of Puerto Rico last time that we've brought more.
Instead of Kneeling to Protest Racism, Sport Figures Will Now Protest Trump Instead
They will do so by pulling things out of their asses during the National Anthem.
Trump Defects to Russia
Putin has him immediately thrown into the gulag.
NBC Offers to Renew 'The Apprentice' If Trump Will Resign As President
This was in response to a petition signed by practically everybody in the U.S. and most of Canada.
Trump Will Reply to Kim Jong Un As Soon As He Looks Up All the Words
Elton John Demands Royalty from Trump Over Using the Term Rocket Man
Kim Jong Un said he would rather be Capt. Fantastic, Levon, or even Honky Cat more than Rocket Man.
White House Declares War on ESPN
Rumors are rife that Trump is planning a drone attack on ESPN headquarters due to anti-Trump tweets.
Trump Says He Has Evidence Obama Caused Hurricane Harvey
And he's pretty sure that the Congressmen who didn't vote for his health care bill caused Irma.
Trump Fires Secret Servicemen for Not Protecting Him from Press
"I have been ambushed by the press for the last time! I need some real protection!" tweeted Trump.
Trump Pardons Hitler
"He was just a misunderstood guy trying to help his country! I know how that goes" said Trump.
Tom Cruise to Progress to New Upper Level as He Audits His Body Thetan's Body Thetans
He has to put the BT's BTs through drug rehab, get them all GEDs, & audit THEIR Body Thetans.
Woman Eats Food Past its Due Date and Expires
A Westinghouse refrigerator was taken into custody.
Trump Blames Obama For Any and All Mistakes He Might Make
"Obama should have ordered a psychiatric profile on me when he had the chance!" said Trump.
Trump to Order all Non-White Supremacists to Wear White Armband with Peace Sign On It
Republicans refused to comment on the order.
Satan to Allow Cosby Reruns in Hell
The Cosby reruns will join the Stu Erwin Show, Manimal, and My Mother the Car in perpetual reruns.
Bill Cosby Now Has Higher Approval Rating than Trump
People also indicated that they liked O.J. Simpson and Charles Manson more than Trump.
Trump Suspends Russia Investigation Due to Hurricane Harvey
"Helping the hurricane victims is much more important than any fake news investigation" said Trump.
New Yorkers Now Say "Take a Trump" Instead of "Take a Dump"
They also say things like "This place is a Trump!"
Tom Cruise's Body Thetans Return and Disable His Leg
"I'm pretty sure once I take the next OT level the body thetans will be gone for good!" said Cruise.
Trump Says Obama and Hillary Tricked Donald Trump, Jr. Into Releasing Incriminating E-Mails
"I got disguised, got him drunk, and then hypnotized him to make his e-mails public." said Hillary.
Bozo T. Clown Fired as Trump Press Secretary
After only 48 hours as Press Sec., Mr. Clown was fired by Trump for "inappropriate working attire."
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