Showing snippets written by Tony Bagodonutz.
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Cannibal Cop Arrested In Germany
Apparently when he was interviewed by detectives, he slipped up and put his "foot in his mouth" . . . . . .
correction, he had someone's foot in his mouth.
Women Get Into Black Friday Stun Gun Fight Inside the Mall
Several shoppers witnessed this shocking event.
Connie Mack Eyes Trey Radel's House Seat
. . . to see if what's left of an "eight ball" fell between the cushions.
Police Chief to be Shot with Taser to Raise Money
Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant! Unprecedented money making scheme. Why didn't somebody think of this one sooner. It's going to bring in unfathomable amounts of cash.
1 in 10 Twitter Accounts are Fake
. . . shocking!
Cops Nab Suspect in Dunkin' Donuts Holdups
Duhhhhh . . .
MSN HEADLINE: A RABBI WHOSE GOOD FRIEND BECAME POPE-
I began reading article. It took entirely too long to get to the punchline. I'm not sure if there even was one. Work on your timing, MSN.
MTV Series Focuses on Lives of Sperm Donor Kids
Like absentee father's children? OHHHH, they mean, like ACTUAL kids that were the product of sperm donation. Yeah, that's relatable to a broad audience. Good job Mtv!
Chew More, Eat Less? Study Finds Slow Eaters Slimmer.
The study also found their servers slimmer as well, because slower eaters cause less table turnover, causing less potential for tip earnings. It's a win all around.
Bar Owner Fatally Shoots Country Singer Over Cigarette
Was this headline's content stolen from an actual song?
Blow by Blow: 10 Politicians Linked to Cocaine
Get it, "Blow". Clever, media, clever.
US Congresswoman Mugged in Washington
. . .by a congressman on a cocaine rage. Hey-ohhhh!
Texas Board of Education Casting Critical Votes on Science Textbooks Teaching Evolution
Really?! It might be a good idea to teach theories based on SCIENTIFIC FACT in SCIENCE classes and leave the SciFi and Fantasy in the Literature curriculum.
Arizona Child Abuse Reports Botched; Probe Urged
Is it just me or is the wording on this headline, just . . . well, wrong.
WINTER DRIVING ADVISORY: Omaha Cites Primary Reason for Automobile Accidents- Visibility Issues
It is difficult to see the road when one's head is up one's ass.
Amsterdam Pays Alcoholics BEER to Clean Streets
There's not enough overtime hours to go around.
Harvard Study: Nuts May Reduce Risk of Death
Welcome news to porn stars.
No National Launch for McRib Amid Menu Changeup
A lot of stoners are, like, really bummed about this one dude.
Gold Bars Worth $1 Million Found In Plane Lavatory
News that is definitely "worth a sh#t!"
Pilots and Controllers to be Screened by FAA for Sleep Apnea
Well, probably a good idea now that commercial flight is out of the early stages.
Church Pastor Upset at Costco Classifying Bible as "Fiction"
The discount chain has met opponents half-way by reclassifying the book as "creative nonfiction."
Utah Town Forgets to Hold an Election
"Well . . . these things happen," says local guy.
North Pole Scandal Just Before Christmas!
Apparently several of Santa's little helpers have been reported tweeting naked "Elfie's".
Oxford English Dictionary Cites "Selfie" 2013 Word of the Year
Oh, how our language has evolved.
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