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Martin and Forsyth in Scotland squad
Coldplay singer and uncoupled husband of Gwyneth Paltrow has been named in Gordon Strachan's Scotland side to face Nigeria on the 28th May alongside 86 year old entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth.
Agoraphobia sufferer beats fear after 48 years.
Unfortunately on her first trip out Nigel Farage canvasing in the street, suffered a sever relaps and is now locked in the coal cellar.
Britain is now "Post Christian"
Former Archbishop Rowan Williams said "Britain is not a Christian country anymore, in fact I would classify it as a country that worships whatever Ruper Murdoch tells it to."
Salmond thanks Farage
The SNP leader said "The frankly embarrassing set of posters from UKIP for the EU election have been a huge boost to the Yes campaign up here, Scots don't want to be associated with people like that."
Brendan Rodgers plans to 'unleash' fans on Man City
"It'll be just like the 80's" He said at the press conference "hundreds of copites with bats and knives looking to inflict damage on anyone who gets in their way."
Chicken nuggets sold at Sam's Club recalled
The nuggets were found to contain no meat, but were made up of sawdust swept off the abattoir floor after the high pressure hose used to reclaim the last scraps of 'meat' from the carcass failed.
Letterman and Forsyth in job swap
David Letterman is to stand down from 'The Late Show', cross the atlantic to take over hosting duties on 'Strictly Come Dancing' from Sir Bruce Forsyth who in turn will replace Letterman in New York
Sherwood 'Planning for Next Season'
He already has his lawn sorted so it's just the bedding plants he needs to work out.
Irish to rename St. Patrick's Day.
From now the 17th March will be a celebration known as St. BO'D's day in honor of Brian O'Driscoll.
Coldplay debut new track 'Midnight'
It comes from their new album 'Paint Drying' that they promise is as bland as the title suggests and won't upset anyone.
Pickles to visit Somerset Levels.
The Communities Secretary Eric Pickles is to visit the flood devastated Somerset Levels. He will be used as a flotation aid and it is the first time in his career he has been of use to anyone.
Burglars heading south for the spring
Hundreds of house breakers from major UK cities are heading south and hiring boats. "A bunch of villages full of posh people who have been evacuated perfect for us" said spokesman Edwardian Fred.
Vicar apologizes to Gay community over misheard message from God.
A Vicar in Devon has said he misheard when God told him the floods were punishment for Gay Policies. In fact God told him the floods were punishment for Gove's Policies.
NBC set date for Leno's return to 'The Tonight Show'
The Chin is expected to regain the show for the third time on August 12th. Until he does so he will be telling everyone who will listen that he was 'Pushed Out' for being a Republican.
Nazi stag MP Aidan Burley 'caused deep offence'
In a note from his office Lord Rennard said he was upset at not being invited as it is exactly the sort of event he enjoys.
C4 hit with plagiarism charge over 'Benefits Street'
The estate of Joseph Goebbels have charged that controversial program bares a remarkable similarity to a film made by Goebbels in 1933 just after he was appointed Minister for enlightenment by Hitler.
LeBron James left skid marks on the court after falling down during Heat loss to Warriors
He has been told to eat a better more binding diet over the next few weeks.
Rise in patients after London New Year celebrations
An NHS spokesman put blame for the increase on the 'Daily Mail' as many of the extra patients were Mail readers who had attempted suicide out of fear of Romanians appearing at midnight in their homes.
Hound wins Strictly Come Dancing Christmas show
This adds to Pudsey's 'Britons got Talent' victory and is the perfect publicity for his upcoming film.
Jeremy Hunt welcomes 'seven-day NHS' plan
The NHS will now only operate for seven non consecutive days in one calendar year. The public will not be told which days these are. Hunt called the plan "The best way yet to save money"
Newcastle's Alan Pardew wins Premier League manager of month
Owner Mike Ashley reputedly already in talks with recently sacked Fulham Manager Martin Jol as a possible replacement at WONGA! St. James Park Stadium.
500 job losses on Autumn Statement
George Osbourne's big gimmick to get rid of physical car tax disks has been met with an angry response from small businesses that make tax disk holders. Approximately 500 people will lose their jobs.
Child fans 'Used as Flare Mules'
After judge Craig Revel Horwood said Flares were "Ghastly" and banned them from the Strictly Ballroom fans have been using children as young as 8 to sneak them into the Saturday night show.
Young British People name Toronto as Worlds coolest City.
A city with a crack smoking nutjob as Mayor is the idea of cool to must British kids these days.
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