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Democratic Party Makes an Astounding Announcement on Mitt Romney
The Democrat Party issued a statement concerning Mitt Romney. Their statement is, "HE'S WHITE," and left it at that. Voters were amazed to find out the Republican candidate is white.
First Lady Charged With Solicitation
Michelle Obama is being charged by the FBI for soliciting money. The First Lady sent out an email to supporters requesting money in $3 increments. The FBI attempts to connect others with the scam.
President Obama hospitalized by Michelle Obama
President Obama is listed in fair condition today after being admitted to Georgetown University Hospital. His injuries are the result of a beating at the hands of First Lady who kept saying "OPRAH!"
The First Lady Challenges Oprah Winfrey to a Deathmatch
Today, First Lady Michelle Obama challenged talk show host Oprah Winfrey to a death match. The First Lady's challenge to Oprah is due to a picture that surfaced showing Oprah groping President Obama.
Talk Show Host Marries Dog
Bill Maher, host of Real Time, decided after 5 years of companionship it was time to marry his best friend. The 7-year old pitbull named Precious was so excited she urinated on the alter.
Democrats Force Zombie Food Stamp Bill Through Both houses
In an outstanding display of trickery not seen since the passing of the Affordable Healthcare Act, Democrats passed the Zombie Food Stamp Act in a close vote. Zombies everywhere are ecstatic..
Obama Campaign Misrouted
Obama campaign manager Axelrod confirmed Air Force One was misdirected to Tehran Iran instead of a function in Chicago Illinois. All aboard, including President Obama, were arrested as spies.
Special Addition to South Carolina Zombie Shoot
Just breaking, the zombies of several Al-Qaeda members have been captured and sent to South Carolina. The zombies will be used in a special "Hunt Achmed the Dead Terrorists Friends" event.
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