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Showing snippets written by Backandtotheleft.


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Drinking Diabetes

Drinking more coffee cuts the risk of diabetes! Only because the increased caffeine will make you believe you can standing jump a moving train long before the diabetes will get you.

written by Backandtotheleft, 25 April 2014
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Seperation Factor

Nick Clegg thinks that in the long run the Church and the state should be separated. We at BATTL news believe the same about Nicks head and body

written by Backandtotheleft, 25 April 2014
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Russian Sanctions

The EU are considering greater sanctions against Russia over the Ukraine. Nick Clegg has already taken a tough stance, he's not sending Putin a Christmas card

written by Backandtotheleft, 25 April 2014
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Jamaicain Me Crazy! (Because I Cant Hear You)

The BBC's new period drama ended with over 2K complaints from viewers about the actors mumbling. Unfortunately we couldn't hear what a BBC spokesman said on the matter.

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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Malaysian Mystery

Malaysian officials admit that the disappearance of flight MH370 may be a riddle forever. What's this? The air accident equivalent of shrugging your shoulders and saying "Elvin magic?"

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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Big Bang Theory

Scientists say they have found more evidence of "The Big Bang"! We at BATTL news thinks it's used condom down the back of the galactic sofa?

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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Royal Baby Rumble

Somebody has claimed that Prince George displays more leadership qualities than other babies his age! You know who else displayed leadership qualities? Hitler

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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Laid Back Lags

11 prison workers have been sacked for inappropriate relationships with lags. We haven't assaulted anyone and still can't get laid

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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Ferguson Frolics

Singer Rebecca Ferguson is to have her 3rd kid! She says "I'm grateful to God" somebody needs the birds and the bees explaining to her

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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Interview Success

A government study shows that you have 8 minutes to make an impression in a job interview. Our study found something different. It's all in the first ten seconds when you burst through the window

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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Porn Poser

In a big to curb underage viewers porn sites are to demand proof before you can watch their videos. A small balding man will come to your house and check your passport

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 April 2014
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Beggers Belief

Did you know that SAS operatives do not believe in Christmas?

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 December 2013
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The Meaning Of Christmas

Did you know that "Christmas" comes form the Latin words "Christ" and "Mass" meaning "Fear of being chased down the street by a giant Jesus

written by Backandtotheleft, 24 December 2013
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Children Of The Royal's!

There is going to be a 24 page royal baby pull out in the Sun on Sunday. Don't we normally call a book full of pictures of children.....evidence?

written by Backandtotheleft, 27 July 2013
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Royal Baby Appears

"The Royal baby has appeared and it's a, it's a....it's devouring the crowd run for your lives" BATTL News at the Royal birth

written by Backandtotheleft, 22 July 2013
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That Strange Smell

A study has found that customers spend 20% more time in shops that smell of oranges but 80% less time in ones that smell of shit.

written by Backandtotheleft, 13 December 2012
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The Smiths Suck

Johnny Marr from The Smiths inspired a generation of musicians...to shoot themselves in the head.

written by Backandtotheleft, 23 November 2012
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Burn Jimmy Burn!

Jimmy Saviles nephew wants the council to burn his body. Now then, now then let's not get too far ahead here.

written by Backandtotheleft, 11 November 2012
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License To Look Stylish

Teenagers are to recruited by MI5 to become the next James Bonds. That's exactly what we need, a load of One Direction lookalikes with a license to kill.

written by Backandtotheleft, 19 October 2012
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Outrageous Argies

A top British diplomat called the Argentineans "Gay and Cowards" and he's in trouble. If he'd used the words "cheating, bastards" he'd get a medal.

written by Backandtotheleft, 17 October 2012
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Single Song

Tulisa's new single is called "Sight Of You" missing the words "Sick and the" I think.

written by Backandtotheleft, 14 October 2012
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A Penny For Your Thoughts And A Pound For Your Pants

Mums are now the main bread winners in 25% of British homes. On a different note prostitution is on the rise all over England.

written by Backandtotheleft, 11 October 2012
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Happy Meal Horror

A 5month year old boy was left behind on a table in a McDonald's restaurant in America. The mother obviously preferred the toy she got in the Happy meal.

written by Backandtotheleft, 11 October 2012
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Bull Beer

A beer made out of bulls testicles will go on sale in the US. Better than one made out of Bull shit I suppose.

written by Backandtotheleft, 11 October 2012
Showing page 2 (of 4 pages)


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