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Actress duped into making anti-Islam porno

Cynthia Garcia said she had no idea that she'd been cast in an anti-Islamic porn film when she signed on to appear in Islamic Slut Zombies from Kabul. "I thought we were making art," she said.

written by Lyndon, 13 September 2012
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Most recent jobs report contradicts last week's jobs report, to be contradicted next week

This week's jobs report states that jobs were created at a snail's pace. This news stands in direct contrast to last week's jobs report which stated that jobs were falling from the sky. And next week?

written by Lyndon, 08 September 2012
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Prince Harry back in Afghanistan to fly choppers bare-assed

Prince Henry has returned to Afghanistan where he's expected to fly Apache helicopters in dangerous missions. The danger level will be raised several notches as the Prince will only fly knicker-less.

written by Lyndon, 08 September 2012
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Akin still has strong hold on complete and utter asshole vote

Senatorial nominee Todd Akin can take solace in a recent poll which suggests that utter assholes and ignorant motherfuckers still support Akin despite his recent gaffe regarding illegitimate rape.

written by Lyndon, 23 August 2012
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Porn industry shut down due to discover of tertiary syphilis

Apparently no one had noticed the soft, tumor-like balls on a porno actor until recently. He'd long complained of poor balance and lightning stomach pains, but these were just chalked up to old age.

written by Lyndon, 21 August 2012
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11th hidden control on iPhone headphones discovered

You can't just fast-forward, replay, skip songs, and answer phone calls by entering secret tap codes into your iPhone headphones. They will also go to the bathroom for you, right in your pants.

written by Lyndon, 21 August 2012
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Tommy proclaims, "Happy Meal toys are shit"

Little Tommy Bean, 7, stormed out of the Harfold McDonald's, tossing yet another Sponge Bob give-away into the trash. "How many pieces of crap can a kid get from the 3rd World before you've had it."

written by Lyndon, 20 August 2012
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Curiosity killed the cat--or a Martian--due to erratic driving

The Mars rover "Curiosity" will most certainly kill something if there is, indeed, life on Mars. "Bastard drives like a drunken bumkin," claims one NASA technician. "We'll find it ass-end up one day."

written by Lyndon, 14 August 2012
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Paul Ryan promises to use big ears to listen to Americans' problems

Picking on physical features isn't politically correct, but this is Election Season. Ryan's big ears cannot help but hear the woes of Americans from now until November. If only he could stop smiling.

written by Lyndon, 12 August 2012
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Suri: "I wanna stay with Daddy because he has more toys."

Suri has cast her vote: she wants to live with Pops. "Let's face it," says the Materialistic Girl. "Who makes $25 million a film? One hint: it ain't Mommy."

written by Lyndon, 05 August 2012
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NASA links climate change to severe weather, Romney calls NASA a hoax

Romney lashed out at a NASA report linking climate change to severe weather occurrences. Said Romney: "I never liked NASA, and now I wonder if we should be paying for them to write these fairy tales."

written by Lyndon, 05 August 2012
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Romney trip a success: Ugly American Syndrome is real

Romney's recent trip to Europe and Israel was successful, if for only one reason. The myth of the Ugly American is a myth no more. Bombastic, insulting, aghast at small hotel rooms? All of the above.

written by Lyndon, 02 August 2012
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Katie and Suri rescue 2,000 lives from flash flood

CALGARY--The Katie/Suri watch continues. They fed animals at zoos and are now saving lives. Katie and Suri evacuated some 2,000 people as flash floods swept through Calgary. Next up: curing bird flu.

written by Lyndon, 30 July 2012
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First gold medal--and arrest--at Olympics

China's Yi Siling won gold in the 10m air rifle, then was promptly arrested for being "too damn good with a gun." Mitt Romney, currently ridding his vocab of anti-Semitic remarks, is said to approve.

written by Lyndon, 28 July 2012
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Quayle and Romney kindred spirits

When former VP Dan Quayle claimed his high school Latin didn't help while in Panama, we thought that was rock bottom. Enter Mitt Romney: this week he claimed the British couldn't even speak English.

written by Lyndon, 27 July 2012
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Physicists would be much more "happening" if they searched for bosom, not boson, study

Harfold State College instructor of the course Funnybook Physics, Elwood Woodson, admitted that the recent excitement surrounding the Higgs Boson was the very reason why physicists didn't get laid.

written by Lyndon, 09 July 2012
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Porn-induced headache mystery solved: man flogged himself

An Indian man (24) reported that he couldn't view online porn without suffering from splitting headaches. Turns out he was batting himself over the skull with a cricket bat.

written by Lyndon, 02 July 2012
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Cruise cruisin' for a bruisin'

Katie Holmes has filed for divorce from sometimes actor, sometimes religious whack-o Tom Cruise. Holmes and Nicole Kidman scheduled a pedicure to discuss how Tom's latest ex will tackle the $275 mill.

written by Lyndon, 30 June 2012
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Blitzer decides to report news before it happens

CNN's Wolf Blitzer, tired of racing against other news outlets to report breaking news first, has decided to just start making up shit and reporting it. His new show will be called, "This just in."

written by Lyndon, 29 June 2012
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Buckingham Palace to be renamed Queen's Crib

For the second time in less than a week, Parliament announced that yet another iconic structure would be renamed in honor of Q.E. II. Queen's Crib will still feature the changing of the lads.

written by Lyndon, 29 June 2012
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Romney advocates "new American way"

No one can argue Mitt Romney's dedication to the new American way. His company Bain Capital has been shipping American jobs overseas for some time.

written by Lyndon, 23 June 2012
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Bullying video so hard to watch, viewers have to watch it twice

The video of students harassing a 68-year-old bus monitor has been deemed by news anchors as "so difficult to watch" that viewers are forced to watch it twice, if not three or four more times.

written by Lyndon, 23 June 2012
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"Belieber" released by Bieber

Justin Bieber has released his new album Belieber to much fanfare. Tracks include "I can't beliebe I'm a dad," "If you don't belieb, who cares?" and "Bieber means beaver in German, baby."

written by Lyndon, 19 June 2012
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Google so desperate for Doodle, they celebrate 79th birthday of Drive-in

Google Doodle couldn't find any important person who was born on this date, so they chose the 79th birthday of the drive-in. Another Doodle to come: the 17th b-day of the soybean oil breast implant.

written by Lyndon, 06 June 2012
Showing page 2 (of 7 pages)


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