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Showing snippets written by Ellie James.


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White House Announces Revenue Plan

The US government will open a pizza chain in hopes of generating new revenue. Research shows pizza is the only profitable business in the States.

written by Ellie James, 03 August 2011
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Pfizer Downsizes

Pfizer, the maker of Viagra, lays off 5,530 people as it downsizes. The CEO reports that this will have no affect on the actual production of Viagra. Older couples around the globe rejoice.

written by Ellie James, 03 August 2011
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Discovery Channel Announces New Show.

On the fins of a very successful Shark Week, The Discovery Channel announces the start of Hippocampus Tristis Week. "We are excited about a week of programming revolving around the Sad Sea Horse."

written by Ellie James, 03 August 2011
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Texans Hurt in Swimming Pool

As the heat wave continues in the US, a Texas couple is scalded in their swimming pool as the water began to boil.

written by Ellie James, 03 August 2011
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God Makes Visit to Austin

God sets the record straight in Austin as he appears in Barton Springs Park to tell people he did NOT tell Rick Perry to run for President. "Why the hell would I do that?" he asked.

written by Ellie James, 27 July 2011
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US Replaces Debt Ceiling with Clay Tile

The United States government prepares to replace the current debt ceiling made from slate to the more popular clay tile.

written by Ellie James, 19 July 2011
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Download the Parachute App for Your Smart Phones

Skydivers from all over the globe express gratitude to learn of the new Parachute App. Many of them drop their phones while free falling.

written by Ellie James, 19 July 2011
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Spoofer Asks For Fence on You Tube

Due to current trends of Marines asking celebrities out and them accepting, Spoof writer Ellie James appeals to actor Tom Cavanagh for a new fence.

written by Ellie James, 18 July 2011
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Dallas Cowboys Will Serve a $400 Hot Dog

Not to be beaten by the Boston Red Socks $80 hot dog, Jerry Jones will offer the $400 hot dog, complete with a 5 carat gold knife.

written by Ellie James, 16 July 2011
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Texas Governor Doesn't Win Points with Latinos

Despite the fact Rick Perry passed out the new Powerade Latino sports drink, he didn't win any votes at the National Latino Conference.

written by Ellie James, 24 June 2011
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Life Expectancy in US Lags Behind Other Nations

As Americans learn that their life expectancy has decreased simply by being American, many have begun packing their bags and are said to be heading to Canada and Australia.

written by Ellie James, 15 June 2011
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Nation's Governors to Gather in Houston to Pray and Fast

Texas Governor, Rick Perry, invites the nation's governors to Houston for a prayer and fasting event. He assured his staff that it would not take place on Free Taco Tuesday.

written by Ellie James, 10 June 2011
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Star Wars fan Prepares for End of World

Fearing the end is near, Star Wars fanboy David Clarke prepares to catch the nearest transport to the forest moon of Endor.

written by Ellie James, 02 June 2011
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Earthquakes Felt Around Austin

As Austin prepares for summer, earthquakes are felt all around the Hill Country each time Governor Perry thinks.

written by Ellie James, 30 May 2011
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Denmark Wants to Purchase the North Pole

In an apparent buy out plan, Denmark prepares to purchase The North Pole. When interviewed, Santa Claus states, "I'm pissed. Fucking Denmark!"

written by Ellie James, 18 May 2011
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Elf like Boots Take off in Mexico

A bizarre fashion trend in Matehuala, Mexico prompts the wearing of extra large jock straps. Michael Cors, fashioista, stated that it's the best thing in fashion since leopard tights.

written by Ellie James, 17 May 2011
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Pittsburg Steeler Cuts His Hair

Troy Polamala of the Pittsburg Steelers decides to spend his time during the lockout in the barber shop cutting his hair.

written by Ellie James, 16 May 2011
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Broadway Announces Newest Musical

Seal Team Six: The Musical is set to start in a month. It will star Matthew Broderick as the main Navy Seal, and Nathan Lane as Osama Bin Laden.

written by Ellie James, 16 May 2011
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Obama's 2nd Longest 40 Minutes

It's revealed that President Obama's second longest 40 minutes was taking his then new bride shoe shopping.

written by Ellie James, 12 May 2011
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Sex May Lead to Aneurysms

As scientists discovered that having sex could lead to aneurysms, women around the world rejoiced as they now have another excuse to not have sex.

written by Ellie James, 09 May 2011
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Osama Bin Laden owned a TV and Watched it

Not only did Osama Bin Laden watch himself on TV, he is reported to have also watched Dancing with the Stars, and The Office.

written by Ellie James, 07 May 2011
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Bin Laden's Ghost Buys Dallas Cowboy's Season Tickets

The now dead Osama Bin Laden just bought season tickets for the Dallas Cowboys. "Those cheerleaders are better than 40 virgins," he states.

written by Ellie James, 05 May 2011
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California Recalls Grape Tomatoes

California recalls grape tomotoes as they aren't really grapes, and are too small to be taken seriously as tomatoes.

written by Ellie James, 03 May 2011
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US Troops hack into Bin Laden's I-tunes

US commandos discover Bin Laden listens to new Grammy winner's Mumford and Sons.

written by Ellie James, 03 May 2011
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