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Mouse Spotted On Staircase
There was panic in the Jackson household in Dagenham when daughter Kylie saw a mouse.
'Where did you see it love?' asked Mum.
'There on the stair, right there. I think it had clogs on,' said Kylie.
Inchworm Measures Marigold
Gardening news,and an inchworm was seen measuring a marigold by crawling across the petal and singing and counting as he moved.
Garden Expert Alan Titchmarsh said 'With his arithmetic he'll go far.'
Italian Soldier Wins Bravery Award
Breaking News from Italy, where war veteran Gepetto Ravioli, 95, has passed away. He remains the only Italian soldier ever to win The George Cross award for bravery.Many don't believe he was Italian.
Savoury Popcorn's A Bit Crap
It's official, at the Annual Savoury Food Awards,the 'It's Just Wrong' Award went to Salt and Vinegar Popcorn.
Awards Organiser Houston Texas agreed, 'It is a shite idea,' he said.
'' Cliff Hanger ''
Wrinkly Mr Nice Guy Cliff Richard has launched a new range of clothing accessories. The 'Cliff Hanger' is available in all good shopping centres now.
'They're very handy' said Cliff.
Cats Do Not Have Nine Lives
Popular Scientist Denver Colorado, 43, from Cleethorpes University proved another Old Wives tale to be total rubbish when he reversed over next door's cat!
'It's definitely dead' said Denver.
Child Eats Yellow Snow
A boy of 11, out playing with his younger sister in the snow commited the cardinal sin and ate some yellow snow.
He felt a bit funny for a bit, but then recovered.
'We did warn him,' said his Mum.
Rolling Stone Gathers Moss
At the annual Crinkly Rocker Awards in Leicester Square Kate Moss was walking to the stage in very high heels when she tripped and started to fall. Mick Jagger was on hand and calmly stopped her fall.
John Terry Wins Award
Hairdressing News just in, and The Award for Premiership Footballer Worst Haircut of The Year has gone to Chelsea's John Terry.
Judge Terry Blowave said 'It's a right Knife And Fork Job.'
Woman Bakes A Cake
In an extraordinary act of friendship, Val Ewables,57, from Dorset baked her friend Marjorie a cake.
'I knew she was coming,' said Val.
Ex Postman Delivers Knockout Blow
Sports News just in, Dave 'Mr Fixit' Spanner, the Postman turned boxer won his first Pro fight when he knocked out his opponent in the first round.
'I've always had a knockout delivery' said Dave.
Nani Still Crying !
Soft-arsed Man United star Nani is still crying, 24 hours after Liverpool's Jamie Carragher fouled him.
The Big Girls Blouse used a full packet of tissues on the way home.
'It hurt that,' he said.
Fergie Silences Fans!
Sulking Big Kid, Manchester United Manager Sir Alex Ferguson has today ordered all United fans not to speak to anyone else other than fellow United fans.
'I'll wuddy show them,' he fumed.
Kolo Toure Diet Tips
Manchester City Defender Kolo Toure made the headlines for all the wrong reasons this week by taking some of his wife's dietary pills!
The good news is he's already dropped two dress sizes.
Dirk Kuyt Scores Shortest Hat-Trick Ever
Football News, and history was made today when Liverpool's Dutch Forward Dirk Kuyt scored the shortest ever Hat-Trick.
All 3 of his goals were 'Tap-Ins', and added up to a total of 6 Yards.
Dyson Hoover Cleans Up
At the prestigious Hoover of The Year Awards, James Dyson's new vacuum has cleaned up. The DC33 won best newcomer,and also longest cable, which is handy.
'It's great fun,' said a Hoover anorak.
Party Dessert Price A Trifle High
High Street Shopping Guru Hugo Thatway has warned that the price of Sainsbury's new Party Dessert Classic,
'The Jelly/Sponge/Fruit/Cream/Chocolate Sprinkles Combo' is a Trifle expensive.
Mixed Leaves Salad Sales Rocket
Supermarkets are reporting huge increases of their Pre Packed Salad Packets as the UK Public look to get fitter by eating more healthily.
'Rocket Sales have gone through the roof' said a helper.
Super, Smashing, Great
The continuing unrest in Egypt has led to BBC Middle East Correspondant Jeremy Bowen standing down from his post.
The good news though is that his brother Jim is taking over with immediate effect.
New Routes For Edinburgh Airport
Holiday Companies Thompson & First Choice have announced new flight routes from Edinburgh to the Greek Isles this Summer. Even better news, on your return flight you will land somewhere in Scotland.
Transport Secretary Gets Green Light
Transport Secretary Miles Frumhome was stuck at the traffic lights this morning when they went from Red to Amber to Green.
'It was plain sailing after that' he said.
Ga Ga Finds Joy of Sex At Last
In an extremely intimate interview Lady Ga Ga has told how she only discovered the Joys Of Sex Two years ago.
'I didn't realise I needed batteries in my Rampant Rabbit' she said.
Lord Voldemort Cuts Nose Off To Spite His Face
Nasty piece of work and Harry Potter hater,the one who must not be named,Dark Lord Voldemort has ruined his looks and cut his nose off.
'He looks terrible but I'm not telling him!' said Hagrid.
Rooney Finishes Book
Joy at Old Trafford where Wayne Rooney has just finished reading his first book.He learned to read earlier this year and is doing well.
'I'm weally pweased for the wad,' said Sir Alex.
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