Showing snippets written by Juvenal Delinquent.
Show all snippets.
Taco Bell: Where's the Beef?
In response to the recent lawsuit over the quality of their meat, Taco Bell launches 3 new ad campaigns: "Yo Queiro Alpo!", "Make a Run for the Border Collie", and "Think Outside the Runs."
Christian Conservatives blame Bears loss on Obama, claim "God's Punishment"
Leading Republicans say that the Bears lost because liberal fans voted for Obama. "God hates Obama, Obama's from Chicago, therefore, God hates Chicago", they said in a statement.
Fitness guru Jack LaLanne, Dead at a healthy 96
Proving that no matter how well you eat or how much you exercise, you're still gonna die.
House proposes water vitamization
On the heels of the health law repeal, Republicans have proposed instead to put vitamins in the public water supply to increase nutrient intake, and reduce the necessity of seeing a doctor.
Goldman Sachs to buy Facebook, rename it 'Cookedbook'
In an effort to appease their rich and angry American clients after the fiasco of barring them from investing in Facebook, Goldman Sachs announces they'll just buy the social media giant instead.
Thousands of Twitterers mysteriously fall dead from Skype
Dubbed the "App-pocalypse" by users, scientists say this is a perfectly natural phenomenon, likely brought on by a computer virus, and nothing to worry about.
SarahPAC website removes 'Hit List' map
In the wake of the Arizona shooting, SarahPAC quickly removes the map with gun sights targeting political opponents saying, "God forbid our idiot gun-loving supporters think we're actually serious."
Latest Terror Threat in US Aimed to Poison Food
Now everyone can blame their fast food binge on Al Qaeda.
Author who penned "how to" guide for pedophiles to write new book
Phillip Greaves, author of, "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: A Child-Lover's Code of Conduct" was arrested Monday. His next book will be on how to guarantee you'll be sodomized in prison.
US inmate John Duty executed with animal drug - BBC News
A shortage of sodium thiopental, the kinder, gentler drug for death row inmates in the US, forced the state to use pentobarbital so that, "he could die like the damned dirty dog he was."
Google explores human body with HTML5 - USATODAY.com
Google announces joint venture with the TSA to map everyone's body scan with a three-dimensional layered model of naked airline passengers.
New advice for Nuclear War - NYTimes.com
Don't flee, get inside. Bend over and kiss your ass goodbye.
Juilan Assange karaoke's to AC/DC's Big Balls
At a Wikileaks celebration party in an undisclosed location outside of London, Julian Assange leads fellow supporters in a rousing rendition of AC/DC's hymn to testicular one-upmanship.
Wikileaks site said to be brought down by 'ethical hacker'
Well that rules out the U.S. Government then.
Documents reveal founder of Wikileaks had a boyhood penchant for swatting hornet's nests
Documents leaked on the Internet disclose Julian Assange's lifelong obsession with flying, stinging insects. According to the docs, he loved to hit the nests like a pinata then run like hell.
U.S. Government plays 'Whack-a-Mole' to combat online piracy
In its futile effort to combat file-sharing, the DHS has begun 'whacking' suspected websites with a large mallet. No word on how many agents have a black eye due to the frenzied playing.
Willie Nelson sings 'On the bong again'
Willie Nelson, 77, was charged with marijuana possession yet gain after 6 ounces was found on his tour bus in Texas. Stoned fans were highly bummed, expecting him to have, "way more pot than that."
Wealthy terrorists to fly private charter jets
Class warfare erupts between rich and poor terrorists over who does and doesn't have to go through airport security. Cash-strapped terrorists claim discrimination, calling the disparity "unfair."
Michael 'Shirtoff' profits from naked body scanners
Former DHS chief Michael 'Shirtoff' Chertoff fulfills fantasy of having his surname forever lampooned by bad punsters due to his profit participation in naked body scanners.
TSA announces the hiring of Santas
The uproar over the patting down of children has prompted the TSA to hire Santas to help with security. The kids will get to sit on Santa's lap, and he'll find out if they've been naughty or nice.
Lindsay Lohan will no longer deepthroat
Disappointing Internet porn addicts across the globe, it was announced today that Ms. Lohan was dropped from the upcuming Lovelace biopic Inferno. Her camera phone audition will stay online though.
Powdery substance in letter to Dancing with the Stars turns out to be fairy dust
A spokesman for the FBI wouldn't comment on the contents of the threatening letter, or to whom it was addressed, but did say that the note was obviously written by an, "angry Tinkerbell."
TSA exempts pilots from pat-downs
After weeks of pressure, the Transportation Security Administration has agreed to exempt pilots from pat-downs and full body scans, especially those who don't know how to take-off or land the plane.
Lindsay Lohan emerges from rehab looking radiant and healthy enough to do drugs again
Friends say Li-lo looks so good from her stint at the Betty Ford clinic, she's ready to take her career to a whole level by doing crystal-meth and heroin.
Send To A Friend
Send this site to a friend!
RSS & Feeds
The Spoof is proud to present all its stories as RSS Feeds.
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!