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Uk pensions set to suffer

Pension payouts in the UK are set to fall so dramatically over the next decade that the Pensions Advisory Service is urging people to stop working immediately or they could be hit.

written by breezeblock, 17 August 2010
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Gunman apprehended

Police in Totnes have arrested a man carrying a handgun. Police Chief, Pat McShakey, told us that's what the police do, it's their job. The man was held in custardy but the gun was released on bail.

written by breezeblock, 17 August 2010
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Scientists warn of killer vegetable

Top scientists have today confirmed that parsnips can cause heart failure. This follows last week's report of Jeff Randyman who was stabbed in the heart by a parsnip-weilding madman.

written by breezeblock, 17 August 2010
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Hats off to Derek

Master hatter, Derek Nubbs, celebrated his 123rd birthday in style by lifting off his hat to allow local press reporters a piss easy headline.

written by breezeblock, 17 August 2010
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England winger sues

Man City and England star, Adam Johnson, and his brother (not named) have confirmed they will be taking action against Johnson & Johnson following allegations of trademark infringement.

written by breezeblock, 17 August 2010
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Coyle backs coil

Bolton Wanderers manager Owen Coyle will appear in a public awareness campaign to promote the use of the contraceptive coil following his successful ads for johnnys.

written by breezeblock, 17 August 2010
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Census results

Residents of Paris, France are 87% more likely to be French than Alaskan.

written by breezeblock, 17 August 2010
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Barnsley pet owners warned

Pet lovers in the South Yorkshire resort of Barnsley are being reminded to keep all hippos in doors during the forthcoming September mating season.

written by breezeblock, 17 August 2010
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Driving safety standards drop

Road safety experts claim driving without glasses can cause accidents particularly if you have bad eyesight and normally wear glasses.

written by breezeblock, 17 August 2010
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Cheese fumes kill Belgians

Brussels lorry driver Franck Clocktower ploughs into bus stop killing 347 Belgians after being overwhelmed by the fumes of his cargo of cheese.

written by breezeblock, 16 August 2010
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Pickles donates neck fat to African tribe

Eric Pickles, who recently underwent cosmetic liposuction to remove loose neck fat, was so moved by a documentary of the Etonia tribe in Mali that he decided to gift them his surgical off-cuts.

written by breezeblock, 16 August 2010
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