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Democrats Plan Nancy Pelosi's Going-Away Party
WASHINGTON, DC - House Majority Leader, Steny Hoyer is planning a huge party to celebrate Nancy Pelosi's departure as Speaker of the House. Ms. Pelosi has not been invited.
Wicked Witch of the West Files Lawsuit Against Nancy Pelosi
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - John Dennis (R-CA) has portrayed Nancy Pelosi as The Wizard of Oz's Wicked Witch of the West in a new video ad. Dennis is running for Pelosi's seat in the House of Representatives.
John Boehner Admits He Hates Poor People, Babies and Puppies
Bob Schieffer was able to get his guest, John Boehner, to admit that he and all Republicans hate poor people, babies, puppies and everything else that is not related to the wealthy.
Democrats, Republicans Agree to Raise Taxes on Poor
After months of wrangling whether to raise taxes on the rich or lower taxes on the middle-class, Congressional leaders have agreed to introduce legislation to raise taxes on the poor.
President Obama to Burn Koran on Oval Office Rug
President Barack Hussein Obama, frustrated with the media for ignoring his press conference this morning, vowed to regain his momentum by burning a Koran on the new Oval Office carpet this Sunday.
Pastor Terry Jones Challenges Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf to a Cage Match
Pastor Jones, the man behind 'International Burn a Koran Day' issued a challenge to Imam Rauf, the man who wants to build a mosque two blocks away from Ground Zero in Lower Manhattan.
Lady Gaga Meat Bikini Fuels Jewish Protests
Thousands of Jews have taken to the streets across Israel, with some threatening to attack US bases over Lady Gaga's bikini made of cold cuts.
Homeless Homo Hobo Forms New Political Movement
BOSTON, MA - Frank Barney, a homosexual homeless man residing on Newbury Street held a press conference today to announce the formation of a new political movement, The PEE-Party.
Tropical Storm Hermine Disappoints Cable News Networks
Hermine rolled into Texas Tuesday morning with maximum sustained winds of 60 mph (95 km), disappointing all cable news networks (CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, CNBC) and crushing The Weather Channel's hopes.
Obama Throws Economy Under the Bus as Election Nears
WASHINGTON, DC - In a risky move, President Obama has decided to ignore the economy and focus on a more important issue: The 2010 midterm elections.
Cable News Networks Declared Disaster Area
William Fugate, FEMA Administrator, declared all four cable news networks (CNN, MSNBC, Fox News and CNBC) a Federal Disaster Area after they screwed the pooch on their coverage of Hurricane Earl.
President Obama Honors Labor Day By Making a Personal Visit to All 975 US Workers
WASHINGTON, DC - President Barack Hussein Obama announced today that he would be visiting all 975 US workers to thank them personally for their hard work.
President Unveils New Stimulus Plan That is Twice As Good As Last One
WASHINGTON, DC - President Obama released his new Advanced Stimulus System (ASS), that he touts as "twice as good as the last plan".
Senate Committee to Subpoena Mother Nature
WASHINGTON, DC - Senator Joseph I. Lieberman issued a subpoena for Mother Nature to explain why Hurricane Earl failed to cause substantial damage as predicted by most cable news networks.
Northeastern Men Begin Packing Up Their Panties, in Anticipation of Hurricane Earl
NEW YORK, NY - There has been a run on department-stores' inventories of overnight bags as liberal Northeastern men began the arduous task of packing up their panties before Hurricane Earl strikes.
Poll: Nevadans prefer unprotected anal sex over Harry Reid
CARSON CITY, NV - A new Gallup poll says that more Nevadans would prefer unprotected anal-sex rather than have Harry Reid win another term as the State's senator.
Poll: Obama Rated Worse than Bush on Hurricane Response
WASHINGTON, DC - A new Gallup poll out yesterday gave a thumbs-down to President Obama's handling of Hurricane Earl.
Extreme Makeover, Oval Office Edition
On President Obama's first day back in the office from his tenth vacation in three months, he has returned to a freshly redecorated Oval Office with a jungle-theme to make the President feel at home.
'Modern Family' scores upset in best gay comedy Emmy win
LOS ANGELES, CA - It was the "Glee" gay misfits versus the "Modern Family" gay brood at the Primetime Gay Emmys here on Sunday night, and the family took the top gay prize.
Democrats and Republicans Unite Against Teabaggers
WASHINGTON, DC - As incumbents from both sides of the isle realize that most Americans despise them, they are now uniting against America's best hope - the TEA-Party.
Congress to Consider Single-Payer Lawn Care System
WASHINGTON, DC - Harry Reid announced today that he will introduce legislation next week that will mandate that all homeowners subscribe to the American Lawn Care Program (ALCP).
Area Man Changes Name
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - "Area Man" filed a petition with the California Northern District Court today to have his name changed to "Aria Mann".
FDA Finds E. Coli in EPA
WASHINGTON DC - After the EPA agreed to consider banning lead bullets, the FDA found evidence of E. coli present in the mountain of SH*T that the EPA spews.
US Chamber of Commerce Revises GDP Downward
The Gross Domestic Product (GDP) was revised downward from Ben and Gerry's Lily-Liver Ice Cream to Johnson's Genital Wart Balm.
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