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U.S. To Boycott Paralympics in Protest Over Oscar Pistorius Trial
US Presidential Spokesman, Jay Carney, announced today that the USA will boycott the Sochi Paralympics in protest over the trial of Oscar Pistorius, himself a paraplegic.
President Obama Declares War on Winter
President Obama declared war on winter this morning after Washington DC was hit with another terrible snow storm, dropping nearly four inches of snow on the capital city.
USA Womens' Curling Team Concedes 2018 Olympics
In an unprecedented move, the USA Womens' Curling Team has conceded the 2018 Olympics.
Obama Launches WebCam Program for the Disadvantaged
President Barack Obama on Thursday launched a public program to provide webcams to African-American and Latino young men and boys.
Duck Dynasty star dies of duck bite
Phil Robertson has died of a duck bite after refusing to seek medical attention after a duck bit his left testicle during the taping of a Duck Dynasty episode.
USA Womens' Curling Team Concedes 2018 Olympics
SOCHI, RUSSIA - In an unprecedented move, the USA Womens' Curling Team has conceded the 2018 Olympics.
Mistrial Declared on Murder Charge in Loud-Music Trial
A Caucasian man was found guilty of the fatal shooting of an African-American teenager over loud music, but a mistrial was declared after the all-black jury broke out their boom-boxes to celebrate.
Entire USA Olympic Skating Team Comes Out of the Closet
SOCHI, RUSSIA - The entire USA Olympic skating team announced today that they are gay.
Obama signs order to require same-sex marriage for federal workers
President Obama signed an executive order on Wednesday to require same-sex marriages for all federal workers and encouraged employers nationwide to require same-sex marriages for their workers.
Seahawks' Richard Sherman Accidentally Chokes Himself - Wife Pulls Plug
Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman accidentally choked himself following his team's victory over the Denver Broncos in Superbowl XLVIII.
US Department of Education Eliminates High School Graduation Requirements
The US Department of Education Secretary, Arne Duncan, announced today that Graduation requirements for US high school students would be eliminated to increase the graduation rate.
Gooogle Unveils Gooogle Ass Cam at CES
Gooogle has announced that it has developed a partnership with Depenz, American Stanterd, and Sharmin to bring Gooogle technology into the bathroom.
US Inflation Rate Hits All-Time Low But Prices Continue to Rise
US Bureau of Labor Statistics spokesman, Ben Dover, today announced that the US inflation rate has hit an all time low of .000137 percent.
Miley Cyrus To Star In Adult Films
Steven Hershey Hiwae, CEO of the world's largest adult film company, Foxy Entertainment LLC, announced today that Miley Cyrus has signed to appear in 17 new adult films, direct 37 and produce 4.
Harley Davidson Announces New Model - "The Compensator"
The new bike will have a 3200cc engine, producing 237 horsepower and 267 ft./pounds of torque.
Crockstar Games to Release "So, You Wanna Be A Rapist?"
After the hugely successful debut of "Gran Thief Otto 17" today, Crockstar Games has announced that they will be releasing "So, You Wanna Be A Rapist?" just in time for the upcoming holiday season.
Chicago Water Supply In Jeopardy... Republicans Push For Another Bail Out
Scientists have determined that Lake Michigan will soon be empty due to erosion of Niagara Falls. Chicago currently gets 83% of their water from the lake. Republicans push for another bail-out.
New Jersey Boardwalk Fire Will Be Ruled "Accidental"
Investigators have determined that the fire last week on the boardwalk in Seaside Park, was not set intentionally, according to the person who was seen running from the fire with an empty gas can.
Weiner goes down and takes The Spoof with him
New York City clown and mayoral candidate, Anthony Weiner admitted defeat yesterday and "The Spoof!"'s website went down. Coincidence? I think not...
NFL to Require Criminal Background
NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, shocked the cable news networks today with the announcement that the NFL will now require all NFL players to have a criminal background.
Senator John McCain Gives 3-5 Odds That He Does Not Have Gambling Problem
Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) was caught on-camera playing pocket poker. Many thought he was actually playing pocket billiards, but that is another story.
Anthony's Weiner gets into pissing match
New York City mayoral candidate appendage, Anthony's weiner, got into a pissing contest with another man's appendage in a Brooklyn bakery Wednesday afternoon.
Chelsea Manning to run for President
U.S. Army soldier Chelsea Manning is seeking the office of President Of The United States according to the Federal Election Committee (FEC).
Obama to Seek Approval from His Parents Before Syria Strike
Barack Obama said that he has decided to launch cruise missiles against Syria after he gets authorization for the mission from his parents.
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