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More schools to offer breakfast in bed
President Barack Obama signed an Executive Order today, mandating that schools offer breakfast in bed for disadvantaged students.
* * * BREAKING NEWS * * *
Hillary Clinton was spotted this afternoon brushing her own hair. Video and detailed analysis available NOW on TheSpoofCableNetwork.com
* * * BREAKING NEWS * * *
Hillary Clinton was spotted this morning entering a restroom at hotel. She emerged a few minutes later. Full details tonight.
Republican Presidential Candidates Announce Their Rides After Hillary Clinton's Success In Her 'Scooby" Van
Republican candidates held a joint news conference to announce their choices in transportation, after Hillary Clinton's huge media success with her "Scooby" van.
Small-Breasted Cocktail Waitresses Demand Income Equality
According to the latest data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, cocktail waitresses with small breasts make 63 cents for every dollar large-breasted cocktail waitresses make.
Obama calls Dick Cheney 'worst Vice President ever'
President Obama called Dick Cheney the 'worst Vice President ever', after former Vice President Dick Cheney said that President Obama is the worst commander in chief the United States has ever had.
NFL Commissioner Slams Michael Sam for Anti-Gay Bashing On DWTS
Michael Sam, NFL's first openly gay player, was lambasted by NFL Commissioner, Biff Wellington, for his performance and comments on ABC's Dancing With The Stars.
California Governor Signs 'Gay Freedom' Clarification Bill
California Governor Jerry Brown today signed a bill clarifying his state's controversial "gay freedom" laws, which critics said gave business owners a legal defense to discriminate against straights.
ISIS Orders Mass Defecation on Quran
ISIS commander, Haid D'Salaami, ordered his soldiers to execute a mass-defecation on the holy Quran to prove their manliness.
Red meat linked to erectile dysfunction, says Poultry Council study
The Poultry Litigation & Underwriting Council (PLUC) released the results of a 17-year study Monday, linking erectile dysfunction to the consumption of red meat.
President Obama Issues Executive Order Prohibiting Future Presidents from Issuing Executive Orders
President Obama's Press Secretary, April Phulz, announced today that the President has signed a Presidential Executive Order prohibiting future Presidents from issuing Presidential Executive Orders.
California Gay Advocacy Group Proposes Ballot Initiative to Allow Killing of Straights
In response to a measure to allow killing of gays in CA, Nigel Reynolds, attorney for the GAG has filed a petition with the California Attorney General, Kamala Harris, to allow killing of straights.
US Surgeon General Recomends Federal Copulation Center
Surgeon General Vice Admiral Vivek H. Murthy, released a study today recommending that President Obama issue an executive order to establish a Federal United Copulation Center (FUCC).
Scientists Blame Solar Eclipses on Global Climate Change
USGS Chief Scientist, Jack MeHoff, released a study today that concludes that the increasing number of solar eclipses is due to Global Climate Change, caused by human activity.
Telsa Motors Unveils Coal-Powered SUV
Telsa Motors' CEO, Ellen Mush, announced their next "green" vehicle - The Telsa Model C. The model C is the first coal-powered vehicle since the 1884 Trepardeux.
President Obama Issues Executive Order Mandating That All African-Americans Must Vote
In a stunning moment, President Obama signed an executive order that mandates all African-Americans to vote. Obama signed the order in a meeting in Detroit on Thursday.
John Boehner Files Petition for Change of Name
Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, John Boehner, filed a petition with the Municipal Court of West Chester Township, Ohio today to legally change his name.
Justice Department Preparing Lawsuit Against Polar Bears International
The Justice Department is preparing to bring a lawsuit against Polar Bears International over a pattern of racially discriminatory tactics.
Chris Christie Foundation Recommends Closing the income gap for fat people
Spokesman for The Chris Christie Foundation, Betha Buhderbahl, announced that the foundation will take on a weighty issue when it comes to the income gap between healthy people and the obese.
Ayatollah Obama Slams Republican Senators' Letter
The United States Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Barack Obama, criticized a letter sent by 47 U.S. Republican Senators to Tehran about the ongoing negotiations on Iran's nuclear program.
Harriet Tubman to Replace George Washington on US Dollar Bill
President Barack Obama issued an executive order today, directing US Secretary of the Treasury. Jack Lew, to replace George Washington with Harriet Tubman on the dollar bill.
EPA to Crack Down on Second Hand Perfume
Little old ladies may find fewer places to spread their aroma after EPA officials took actions to protect people from second-hand perfume.
12 out of 10 Americans Don't Believe in Statistics
According to a recent poll completed by The Atlanta Constipation, 12 out of 10 Americans don't believe in statistics.
Hillary Clinton Used Personal Coffee Cup While Working as Secretary of State
It appears that Hillary Clinton violated protocol by employing a personal coffee cup while she was Secretary of State. This is an offense and may be against the law.
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