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Seahawks' Richard Sherman Accidentally Chokes Himself - Wife Pulls Plug
Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman accidentally choked himself following his team's victory over the Denver Broncos in Superbowl XLVIII.
US Department of Education Eliminates High School Graduation Requirements
The US Department of Education Secretary, Arne Duncan, announced today that Graduation requirements for US high school students would be eliminated to increase the graduation rate.
Gooogle Unveils Gooogle Ass Cam at CES
Gooogle has announced that it has developed a partnership with Depenz, American Stanterd, and Sharmin to bring Gooogle technology into the bathroom.
US Inflation Rate Hits All-Time Low But Prices Continue to Rise
US Bureau of Labor Statistics spokesman, Ben Dover, today announced that the US inflation rate has hit an all time low of .000137 percent.
Miley Cyrus To Star In Adult Films
Steven Hershey Hiwae, CEO of the world's largest adult film company, Foxy Entertainment LLC, announced today that Miley Cyrus has signed to appear in 17 new adult films, direct 37 and produce 4.
Harley Davidson Announces New Model - "The Compensator"
The new bike will have a 3200cc engine, producing 237 horsepower and 267 ft./pounds of torque.
Crockstar Games to Release "So, You Wanna Be A Rapist?"
After the hugely successful debut of "Gran Thief Otto 17" today, Crockstar Games has announced that they will be releasing "So, You Wanna Be A Rapist?" just in time for the upcoming holiday season.
Chicago Water Supply In Jeopardy... Republicans Push For Another Bail Out
Scientists have determined that Lake Michigan will soon be empty due to erosion of Niagara Falls. Chicago currently gets 83% of their water from the lake. Republicans push for another bail-out.
New Jersey Boardwalk Fire Will Be Ruled "Accidental"
Investigators have determined that the fire last week on the boardwalk in Seaside Park, was not set intentionally, according to the person who was seen running from the fire with an empty gas can.
Weiner goes down and takes The Spoof with him
New York City clown and mayoral candidate, Anthony Weiner admitted defeat yesterday and "The Spoof!"'s website went down. Coincidence? I think not...
NFL to Require Criminal Background
NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, shocked the cable news networks today with the announcement that the NFL will now require all NFL players to have a criminal background.
Senator John McCain Gives 3-5 Odds That He Does Not Have Gambling Problem
Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) was caught on-camera playing pocket poker. Many thought he was actually playing pocket billiards, but that is another story.
Anthony's Weiner gets into pissing match
New York City mayoral candidate appendage, Anthony's weiner, got into a pissing contest with another man's appendage in a Brooklyn bakery Wednesday afternoon.
Chelsea Manning to run for President
U.S. Army soldier Chelsea Manning is seeking the office of President Of The United States according to the Federal Election Committee (FEC).
Obama to Seek Approval from His Parents Before Syria Strike
Barack Obama said that he has decided to launch cruise missiles against Syria after he gets authorization for the mission from his parents.
President Obama Signs Executive Order Raising Minimum Wage to $100 Per Hour
President Obama issued an executive order, raising the minimum wage from $7.25 to $100/hr. Democrats demanded the minimum wage be raised to $200 - Republicans wanted the minimum wage to be abolished.
NBC Tells Syria That Cruse Missile Strike Will Occur at Assad's Palace in Damascus on Thursday @ 5:00 EDT
NBC CEO and Obama Spokesman, Stephen B. Burke, announced today that the U.S. will hit President Assad's palace in Damascus with multiple cruise missiles on Thursday, August 29 at 5:00 pm EDT.
Mercedes-Benz Embraces Web Connectivity
Mercedes-Benz's next "C Class" will offer Pandora Radio and Google Maps. The "E Class" will add email, while the "S Class" will include MB's premium internet application, "Klusterfnugen".
Apple will unveil iWatch next week
The new iWatch will be launched on September 3, one day prior to the release of Samsung's new smartwatch and a full four months ahead of Microsoft's upcoming ankle smartwatch, the Sockphone.
New York Attorney General Sues Donald Trump
New York's attorney general, Eric Schneiderman, sued Donald Trump for $63 million Monday, saying the real estate mogul violated New York's law that prevents citizens from hiding their face in public.
Miley Cyrus To Star In Adult Films
Steven Hirsch, CEO of the world's largest adult film company, Vivid Entertainment LLC, announced today that Miley Cyrus has signed to appear in 17 new adult films, direct 37 and produce 4.
FCC Announces Phone Service Subsidy for Rapists and Murderers
The Federal Communications Commission today took long-overdue steps to ensure that long-distance rates made by convicted felons are just, reasonable and fair.
Bradley Manning to have sex change operation next week, then transfer to women's prison next year
Chelsea Manning is scheduled to undergo gender reassignment surgery next week. She will then return to Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary, before transferring to a women's prison in June of 2014.
California's 'Rim' Fire Threatens Gay Motocross Event
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - A massive fire in California, known as the Rim Fire roared into the California back country today, threatening to disrupt a gay motocross event.
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