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Every rip-off helps.
Tesco Suspends Bosses Over £250m Profit Error.......after years of fiddling the public with inflated prices they are now fiddling themselves!
'ello 'ello, anyone there?
Phones4U have finally hung up.
"Make my day punk!"
Dirty Harry strikes again, Kate up the duff with Damien 2.
"'Ello, 'Ello I'm Johnny Cash"
Dyslexic Home Office Minister sends copy of Ring of Fire to Calais by mistake.
Joan Rivers is dead...
....again! Her agent is negotiating a cameo role in The Walking Dead.
Chain, Chain, Chains!
Operation Yewtree officers investigating discovery of three old ladies found locked in the lavatory in Yeovil circa 1937!
25 Things you probably didn't know about Dickie Attenborough
1."He is no more", "has ceased to be", "bereft of life, he rests in peace"..............more, much later.
"Don't call me Dick!"
According to reaserchers pressures made Richard III 'Hit The Booze',"to right, he also enjoyed the odd 'spliff', deep fried Mars Bars and Breaking Bad! Mind you, he was total shit a parallel parking!"
A national sperm bank is to be set up to meet increasing demand and a UK-wide shortage......Wankers-R-Us.
Four more perverts discovered in Venessa's pants........."no wonder I have felt so uncomfortable all these years!"
Man up punk!
Bill & Ben arrested by Operation Yewtree following bullying complaints from 'Little Weed'
......."balls to you to fella!"
"Come on Andy Murray, bite the bastard!"
...Jim will crucifix it!
Jimmy Savile exposed as clandestine Catholic Priest!
.........."you want chips with that Senor?"
Hollywood moguls wooing Suarez to star in The Hunger Games:4
Ease up on the KY
Jogger found dead after 'sliding' off Cliff, "I had assumed he was over 16 croaked and elderly Mr Richard.
Every little firearm helps!
ISIS may have recruited 1,500 Britains'....good hours, casual easy-clean uniforms, free meals, long holidays in the sun and the chicks are free.....beats Tesco!
Makin' da offer capisce.
Pope denounces 'evil' crime syndicate......disbands Catholic church!
Balls to this!
Hodgson to keep job as England manager until Bruce Forsyth becomes available, lets face it his footwork is legendary.
Supermarket chain Morrison is to cut up to 2,600 jobs following a 7.1% slump in sales...Capitalism at it's finest.....expect the rest of the overpriced greedy bastards to follow suit!!
McDonald's to recruit 8,000 young staff. "12 Years A Slave":The Sequel!"
Sniffer dogs my arse!
BREAKING NEWS: Parliament evacuated due to a 'suspicious' package...later confirmed as one of Ed Milibands soiled nappies!
I put a spell on you.
Asda's England flag looks like a KKK costume....Tesco retaliate with BOGOF deal on fiery crosses, Sainsburys offer carrier bags with eye holes and the Co-Op merely closes early!
Hodgson names England team.
.........books day trip to Brazil!
Gerry Adams 'Questioned For 17 Hours A Day'
.......tells reporters, "I'm feckin' determined to win this years Mastermind with my specialist subject, 'The IRA's Greatest Hits'!"
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