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Andy Burnham: I Am The Change Candidate
Jekyll or Hyde cobber?
Chuka Umunna Drops Labour Leadership Bid
..joins Hot chocolate comeback tour...money for nothing and the chicks are free.....and better looking than the Labour harpies!
Sarah Brightman's Trip To Space Called Off
....just discovered she is fresh out of baked beans.
Bear 'Buries Woman Alive To Eat Her Later'..
When interviewed by the police the bear replied:"Listen mate, have you seen how much Tesco are charging for horsemeat!"
'Alarming Rise' In Strokes Among Younger Men.
..the perils of lads magazines!
Prince Harry: Princess Is 'Absolutely Beautiful'.
"2 nil to me bruv!"
'Unexplained' Death At Dorchester Hotel
..man found clutching his overnight bill!!
Royal baby named
Phil the Greek well pissed off he had 50p each way at Corals on the name Mercedes! One is not amused!
Ed Miliband pledges to top himself if Labour win.
Please form an orderly queue and mark your 'x' clearly in the correct box, "ey thank you!"
Migrants Killed By Train In Canyon
Certainly not their lucky week!
Labour To Set Out Key Immigration Policies
.....in a nutshell, "Come on down, the price is right!"
Farage 'Insults' Audience At Leaders' Debate.
It's virtually impossible to insult a BBC audience most of whom wander in off the streets for a free hot soup and a slice of bread.
Express Owner Desmond Gives £1m To UKIP
Do-nothing-Dave and Little Eddie Milipeed have bowel malfunctions!
Corrie To Lay Anne Kirkbride's Deirdre To Rest
Why not bury the rest of the cast, they have been 'dead' for feckin' years.
Sturgeon Tells Little Eddie Milipeed: I Will Make You PM
"You shall go to the Ball....after you have given me yours!"
Poll: Tories And Labour Still Neck And Neck
if only with the noose around BOTH their necks!
Supermarket Revamps Bonus Scheme For Top Managers
Every bit of staff exploitation helps!
London Jewellery Heist 'Likely An Inside Job' say Police.
......talk about stating the bleedin' obvious.....come back Columbo, all is foregiven!!
Boost For Miliband And Labour In New Polls
Or in plain English, they are further up the poll than usual!
Prince William On Alert For Royal Baby Dash.
Determined to get there this time before the real father arrives.
TV Debate Notes Reveal Little Eddie Milipeed 'The Happy Wanderer'.
Oh, may I go a-wandering
Until the day I die!
Oh, may I always laugh and sing,
Beneath God's clear blue sky! Come visit Little Ed at Broadmoor Mon-Fri admission free!
Harry To Train With Australian Special Forces.
..cannot wait to sample the 'bush' tucker Sheila's!
Do-nothing-Dave Pledges To Create Two Million Extra Jobs
,....plus a cure for cancer, total world peace, trains that run on time and a free curlywurly for everyone!
PM Says Britain Needs To Take Cuts 'Medicine'.
Texas Chain Saw Massacre: Part 6 cometh if Torys win election.
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