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Makin' da offer capisce.
Pope denounces 'evil' crime syndicate......disbands Catholic church!
Balls to this!
Hodgson to keep job as England manager until Bruce Forsyth becomes available, lets face it his footwork is legendary.
Supermarket chain Morrison is to cut up to 2,600 jobs following a 7.1% slump in sales...Capitalism at it's finest.....expect the rest of the overpriced greedy bastards to follow suit!!
McDonald's to recruit 8,000 young staff. "12 Years A Slave":The Sequel!"
Sniffer dogs my arse!
BREAKING NEWS: Parliament evacuated due to a 'suspicious' package...later confirmed as one of Ed Milibands soiled nappies!
I put a spell on you.
Asda's England flag looks like a KKK costume....Tesco retaliate with BOGOF deal on fiery crosses, Sainsburys offer carrier bags with eye holes and the Co-Op merely closes early!
Hodgson names England team.
.........books day trip to Brazil!
Gerry Adams 'Questioned For 17 Hours A Day'
.......tells reporters, "I'm feckin' determined to win this years Mastermind with my specialist subject, 'The IRA's Greatest Hits'!"
A right royal carry-on!
When asked what she thought of Ulura a rather bored and hearing impaired Kate replied: "I see heir's cock quite enough at home thank you very much!"
Roll up, roll up, get your Savile claim in and 'win' £60,000.....chancers of the world unite!
Gerry and The Pacemakers cancel proposed South Korean tour out of respect.
Shake it all about!
Nick Clegg and Vince Cable consider BBC 'Strictly' compare offer.
It's a steal
Furniture Company DFS Flash sale; free cat inside every sofa.
......strewth, the truth is out there!!
Apparently Scientists have recreated Mars in Herefordshire at a cost of £1.2bn.........surely it would have been cheaper to go to Norfolk if looking for aliens?
Schwarzenegger To Play Ageing Terminator
........thus reprising that classic line..."Ow! My back!"
..."Gobble Gobble Gotcha!
Turkey shoots down Syrian military jet...foul play suspected.
........."pack of three Danno!"
Hawaii law lets cops have sex with prostitutes.....Hawaii Five-Ho?
...............dope off the rope.
Pope Francis makes the Mafia an offer they can't refuse;"Repent or you gonna go to hell!"
Nineteeth Nervous Breakdown
Mick Jaggers squeeze L'Wren Scott found dead-possible suicide!
The body of a nude man was washed up on Cornwall beach with a sock stuffed in his mouth........somebody obviously got carried away when he cried "sock it to me baby!"
Lets not Labour it.
Benn and gorn!
......69 + 21 = egg flied lice & pork balls
UK Teachers To Get Maths Lessons From Chinese Teachers.....bloody handy when the kids want to order a take-a-way at lunchtime!!
Russell Crowe's Noah movie Banned In Three Arab Countries......but tickets sell out in 1 hour in Somerset!
...........when the going gets Ruff!
The winner of Crufts 2014 'Ricky' has been disqualified after a prosthetic arm was found up his anus! Ricky's creator, Victor Frankenstein Jr. retorted, "fuck it, better luck next year you bastard's!"
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