Showing breaking news satire snippets written by UWGB-Beek.Show all snippets.
Wesly Snippes Can't Catch a Break
Wesley Snipes says Karma is to blame for him going to jail. "The universe is getting back at me for doing some real bad movies," he said.
written by UWGB-Beek, 09 December 2010
Mark Zuckerberg Thanks Facebook User For Invaded Privacy
Mark Zuckerberg is thanking Facebook user for their invaded privacy by donating a small fortune he made off the invasion to causes not Facebook related.
written by UWGB-Beek, 09 December 2010
Kevin Smith Too Fat to Fly
Kevin Smith was kicked off a flight for being too fat, and now he can't even get felt up by TSA workers. "This is discrimination, please touch my rolls." Mr. Smith yelled.
Willie Nelson's Pot Smoking Finally Catches up to Him
Pot smoking is the cause of Willie Nelson losing his favorite guitar. "I know I put it right next to my pipe, and I lost my favorite pipe, too." Willie denies pot smoking is bad for his memory.
Bristol Denys Rumors She Put Weight On
Bristol Palin denies she put weight on while doing Dancing with the Stars, but admitted that she felt depressed about her mom's latest political moves.
Kelsey Grammer Finds Gold Digger in Future Wife
Kelsey Grammer found a gold digger in future wife number four. She is almost thirty and looking to get more acting jobs thanks to her relationship with Mr. Grammer.
Jane Fonda Releases New Workout Video
Jane Fonda is releasing a new workout DVD called "Don't Break a Hip" that targets an older audience that still wants to act like they are fifty.
Angelina Jolie to Sponsor Spoof Writer
Angelina Jolie is going to sponsor a Spoof Writer, because she feels she needs to give back to the community that can't get enough of her big lips.
Kate Perry Still Bitter at 'Sesame Street'
Kate Perry used the "Simpsons" as a platform to show her disgusted with "Sesame Street." She even called out Oscar the Grouch for not giving her the respect she deserves.
Times Are Hard
"The Goodfather Mansion" is up for sale, proving that times are hard even for the mob.
Charles Manson Caught With Phone
Charles Manson said he liked the cell phone reception he got in solitary confinement, but was sad to see the guards didn't want him to have a phone.
WikiLeaks Loses PayPal, but Still Has Google AdSsense
WikiLeaks lost a source of revenue when PayPal stopped their services. They did point out that they still were using Google AdSense, so the website should stay up and running for awhile.
Obama Can't Beat Bully Republicans
Obama can't win when it comes to getting anything past Republicans, and he even called them "Bullies" for all the mean stuff they were saying about him.
Glenn Beck Running out of Issues
Glenn Beck is running out of rich people to pick on, so his show ratings took an expected dip this week.
Jessica Simpson Isn't Pregnant, Just Depressed
Jessica Simpson isn't pregnant, but a little depressed over the fact she is getting married, again. "I have used food to ease the pain I am getting married for the second time." Ms. Simpson said.
Jenn Sterger Hopes to find Younger NFL Quarterback
Jenn Sterger hopes that some younger NFL quarterbacks would send her text messages, because she misses her weekly text from Brett Favre.
Justin Beiber's Grammy Nominations Clerical Error
Justin Beiber received the phone call today telling him that his Grammy nominations were a clerical error.
Angelina Jolie Hate Christmas
Angelina Jolie hate Christmas because it stand for the exploitation of little people(elves). She doesn't celebrate Christmas and wishes more people would follow her lead.
Obama Thinking about Sticking to Golf
Obama is thinking about sticking with golf, because basketball is just to hard on his body, and making him move around like an old man.
Neve Campbell Getting Divorced
Neve Campbell didn't want anyone to know she was getting divorced, but her lack of public attention played a keep in no one knowing she got divorced from her husband John Light.
Kate Gosselin: Kids Not Expelled
Kate Gosselin said her children weren't expelled from school, they were just asked to kindly go to a different school.
Retirement Age in United States Will Be 95 Years Old, Starting Next Year
Social Security won't go away, but the age you can retire at will be changed to 95 years old, because people are just living longer.
Republican Relish Roll of Spoiled Child
Republicans want tax cuts for rich, screw the rest, and they will act like spoiled children till they get their way.
TSA Offering Free Breast Exams with Every Flight
TSA announced free breast exams with every flight taken in the United States. They hope this will ease the panic induced by their groping/pat-downs.