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Jack the Ripper: Last diary entry found.
An extra ordinary find in the basement of a house in Whitechapel, London England, has revealed the last known words of Jack the Ripper. It reads: Mon 3rd March 1889. Must cut this sort of thing out
Giant Cockroach on the loose!
A giant Cockroach has eaten The Savoy resturant.
Police say the roach must have been living under the cooker for some time. "They dont grow this big overnight you know", Said Chef, Gordon Zola.
Giant Maggot on loose!
A giant Maggot was on the run last night after attacking several anglers on the bankside of the River Thames near Windsor. One angler managed to beat it off with a 2lb Dace.
Oldest man in the world 111
Sorry, we got that wrong. He's ill.
Giant Mouse on the loose!
A giant mouse was seen eating a cat food factory last night.
Police say the rodent is still on the loose and cats should be kept indoors.
Dog with no testicles sues owner
A Great Dane is sueing his owner after waking up and finding his testicles missing. The owner is counter sueing for damage to the garden lawn.
End of the world is nigh!
The Russians have just launched 100 nuclear missiles and they are heading for the uk! Experts say we have five min..........................
Lady Godiva gives up riding
Lady Godiva has stopped riding bare back for the time being.
Agent, Dobbin Haywain, explained: "She's got a sore vagina, it's as red as a tomato and swollen like a plum. Poor girl can hardly walk.
Black sheep sues Farmer
A black sheep is sueing a farmer for discrimination.
The sheep stated he was overworked and only ever gave wool to the farmer, his maid and an unknown boy down the lane.
White wool went to harrods.
Couple found injured at bottom of hill.
A couple, known as Jack and Jill, were discoverd laying at the bottom of a hill this morning. Police believe thier injuries were self inflicted. When asked about the incident, the couple stayed mute.
NHS Hospital loses mans head!
The Honton General Hospital in Fulham, London, has misplaced a patients head. During a major transplant, the head went missing. Some kids were seen having a kick around outside the hospital grounds.
Author found at last!
The man that put the "Cunt" in Scunthorpe, has finally been found. Asked why he did it, replied. "It were only meant as joke tha knows, whats all fuss abart"
Giant dog on the loose!
A giant dog ate an entire cat food factory today. The RSPCA hope the dog has been chipped. One RSPCA insider said; "No need for a chip mate, seen the size of the dog shit!"
Black man denies being White!
A black man denied being white today. When questioned, he said, "Look at me! I'm black! I was born in the Sudan! my parents are black! How can I be white?! What about your teeth? "Fuck Off!"
Giant Cat Hunted!
A giant cat was being hunted today, after it ate the entire contents of Billingsgate fish market. Stall holders and traders said the whole plaice has disappeared.
Giant rat eats takeaway!!
A giant rat was being hunted today after eating an entire Chinese takeaway. The Wank Wang Hoe takeaway was last seen poking out the side of the rodents mouth.
The BBC used fake snow to create winter news headlines!
Several rusty snow machines found scattered all over the country.
Bomb Alert! 3
No!!! Run the other way dick heads!!!!
Bomb Alert! 2
ARE YOU DEAF! RRRRUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
Now the shits landed! Check your face, clothes and hair!
The shits started to land!
Now the shits flying in all directions!
The shit has just hit the fan!!!
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