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John Travolta to Host "Homosexuals In Denial Who Believe In Aliens From Outer Space" Convention in 2011.
John Travolta to Host "Homosexuals In Denial Who Believe In Aliens From Outer Space" Convention in 2011. Tom Cruise will be a keynote speaker.
Tiger Woods Dating Kate Gosselin
Tiger Woods is reportedly dating baby-factory and asian-fetishist Kate Gosselin. "Think of how ugly those kids would be!" say friends.
174 Eclipse Viewers Killed By Robert Pattison / Kristen Stewart DVD Commentary.
174 Eclipse viewers were killed by the DVD commentary by Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart.
"We believe they died of abject boredom," said the medical examiner.
174 Eclipse Viewers Killed By Robert Pattison / Kristen Stewart DVD Commentary.
174 Eclipse viewers were killed by the DVD commentary by Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart.
"We believe they died of abject boredom," said the medical examiner.
Four Loko Named "Official Fuel Of Date Rapists".
It's alcohol, it's an energy drink, and Four Loko is now the "Official Fuel Of Date Rapists". Congratulations!
11PM TEASER - Can Michael Vick Become A Role Model For Children?
ANCHOR #1: Coming up at 11, He's the hottest player in the NFL today, but can the Eagles Michael Vick Become A Role Model For Children?
ANCHOR #2. No. So don't tune in.
Nepotism doesn't exist in Dallas, says Cowboys coach. My brothers earned their jobs.
Cowboys interim head coach Jason Garrett is angry about nepotism allegations. "It's simply not true," he said, standing next to TE coach John Garrett, scout Judd Garrett and backup WR Lucy Garrett.
The Eagles have released the following statement:
"We hope you are enjoying this evening's Eagles game. We hope, this makes up for Izel Jenkins, Matt McCoy, cutting Cris Carter, 'for who, for what', and Rich Kotite's entire career. Merry Christmas.
Celebrity Birthdays: November 11th.
Happy birthday to: Roman Empress Gisela of Swabia, 1,015; Baron Carr of Hadley, also 1,015; Cradle-robber Demi Moore, 58; Closeted actor Leonardo DiCaprio, 36; reality TV skank Brittny Gastineau, 27.
Mutation of Skank Gene Proves Mary-Kate and Ashley are Fraternal Twins.
You can tell that the sequenced eukaryotic genome for skankiness has manifested itself more in Ashley than Mary-Kate, indicating that they are not identical twins, they are fraternal.
Brett Favre Arrested For Texting Photo of His Junk To NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell
Brett Favre was arrested today for texting a photo of his dinky little penis to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. "I thought it was his secretary's phone," Favre said in his defense.
Hurricane Richard Made Landfall In Belize, Was Overcharged For his Hotel Room, Hated the Food...
Hurricane Richard Made Landfall In Belize, Was Overcharged For his Hotel Room, Hated the Food, Thought the Nighlife Sucked, Left.
Oksana Grigorieva Self-incriminates. Moron.
Oksana Grigorieva said in court today, "I am not an extortionist, I was just trying to gain property or money by force, or threat of harm to reputation and... What? That is extortion.? Sh-t."
Brett Favre, 2010: Throwing Picks, Sexting D--ks.
New headlines created for Brett Favre, 2010: Throwing Picks, Sexting D--ks.
Madden 11 Available Today: In other news, all of the men in your office with a PS3 are sick.
Madden 11 Available Today: In other news, all of the men in your office with a PS3 are sick.
Soliel Moon Frye Dresses as Punky Brewster For Twitter Fans...
Soliel Moon Frye Dresses as Punky Brewster For Twitter Fans, One Million fanboys Ejaculate Simultaneously. (Google it.)
QB Michael Vick says on a radio show that he will miss 1-2 weeks of action...
QB Michael Vick says on a radio show that he will miss 1-2 weeks of action. Pencil in losses to San Francisco and Atlanta.
Prequel to The Social Network; "Myspace: We Hardly Knew Ye" Released Today.
Hollywood, CA--- The prequel to The Social Network; "Myspace: We Hardly Knew Ye" Released Today.
Attorney Shawn Chapman Holley Has Karma to Blame.
Shawn Chapman Holley, the attorney who coulnd't keep a millionaire client out of jail on a probation violation, has tasted Karma's backhand. "You were on OJ's defense team? Suffer."
Come, Grow in God's Word and Love. Unless...
"Growing in God's word and love," says a sign outside a Lutheran church in (Insert name of pious, Republicany city here.) "Unless you're a dirty faggot. Then, you know, taste hellfire. Mazel-tov."
Aldi Vs. Lidi In North America?
Aldi Vs. Lidi In North America? Doubt it. Aldi is the grocery store that smells like old bananas and pee, where Central Americans wait for day-labor work, and no one's heard of Lidi. Shop Rite Wins!
President Obama: I run on barely concealed rage at my...
President Obama: America runs on Dunkin', I run on Marlboros, two at a time, and barely concealed rage at my absentee father.
Obama: ...I want to know how she tastes.
Said President Obama, on the retirement of Methuselah, "Helen Thomas looks like Grampa from The Munsters if he had on Bay City Rollers wig. Nevertheless, I want to know how she tastes.
Too Soon?
Tony Hayward yachting in the very water he spilled oil in? Definition of too soon. That's like Elin catching Tiger Woods jerking off. Oh, sorry, UK readers: Wanking.
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