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Vermont

The people live long lives in Vermont.

There are two men there so old that they have forgotten who they are, and there is nobody alive who can remember it for them.

written by Spicewood, 30 March 2010
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An Opinion

A tipsy Irishman, leaning against a lamp post as a funeral was passing by, was asked by a passerby, "who was dead."

"I can't exactly say, sir," came the reply, "but I presume it's the gentleman in the coffin."

written by Spicewood, 30 March 2010
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Impudence

Taking shelter from a shower in an umbrella shop.

written by Spicewood, 30 March 2010
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TV Rental

I went to the Blockbuster and asked, "Can I borrow Batman Forever?"
He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow."

written by Spicewood, 29 March 2010
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Train Travel

I was traveling and wanted a train ticket to France and
the ticket seller said 'Eurostar?'
I said "Well I've been on on the radio a couple of times but I'm no Dean Martin."

written by Spicewood, 29 March 2010
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Harry and his troubles

Harry was stealing things in the supermarket yesterday while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.
They caught he and he was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

written by Spicewood, 29 March 2010
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Healthcare

Obama was quoted today, as saying, "I'm sick of healthcare,"

written by Spicewood, 27 March 2010
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Batman

I went to our local video shop and I asked, "Can I borrow Batman Forever?"
He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow."

written by Spicewood, 27 March 2010
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It's the Best

I bumped into an old friend the other day who told me he had just gotten the newest, state of the art, hearing aid on the market.
I said, "What kind is it."
He looked at his watch and said, "9:30."

written by Spicewood, 27 March 2010
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Dance Studio

I phoned the local dance studio and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make it Tuesdays or Thursdays."

written by Spicewood, 27 March 2010
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A cowboy one...

A cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

written by Spicewood, 27 March 2010
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Sorry about that....

A jumper cable walks into a bar.

The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

written by Spicewood, 26 March 2010
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Before cable

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

written by Spicewood, 26 March 2010
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Clowning around

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

written by Spicewood, 26 March 2010
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Cameos

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I didn't see any.

written by Spicewood, 26 March 2010
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A Fish Story

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

written by Spicewood, 26 March 2010
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The Eskimos

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank , proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

written by Spicewood, 26 March 2010
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Awfull

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

written by Spicewood, 25 March 2010
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An old bar joke

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

written by Spicewood, 25 March 2010
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Doctor....

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know, I amputated your arms!'

written by Spicewood, 25 March 2010
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The Dictionary

The word Dictionary is, in the Dictionary. If you knew what it meant you wouldn't have to look it up, and if you didn't know what it meant you wouldn't know where to look it up, anyway.

written by Spicewood, 25 March 2010
Showing page 2 (of 2 pages)


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